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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Cornhusker Vortex (S03E03)

"Great."
The Big Bang Theory
"Looking left, he's got nothing."
The Big Bang Theory
"- He drops off a screen, out of bounds... - Okay, a completed pass."
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"- I think I'm starting to get this. - Really?"
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"The only thing I've learned is that American men love drinking beer..."
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"Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj."
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"If people cut back on the beer, you could get out the bathroom..."
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"...and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help."
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"Raj, what are you doing here?"
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"You were supposed to help me pimp out my Vespa."
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"Are you under the impression that we're still friends?"
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"Come on, you're not still grinding on the kite thing, are you?"
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"It's not just the kite thing."
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"Every time we go someplace, you dump me..."
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"...whenever someone pretty comes even though you don't have a shot."
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"I had a shot with that jogger."
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"Fine. Paint green flames on your little scooter with her."
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"It's not a little scooter."
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"It's the second-biggest Vespa they make!"
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"You're watching football?"
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"There's no fooling you."
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"Now, what is this "sacks" statistic they put up there?"
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"All I know about Saks is my mother shops there."
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"Sacks, sacks."
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"It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback..."
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"...is tackled behind the line of scrimmage."
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"Huh."
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"Scrimmage."
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"The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line..."
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"...separating the offense from the defense."
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"Sheldon knows football?"
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"- Apparently. - I mean, Quidditch, sure. But football?"
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"Football is ubiquitous in Texas."
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"There's pro football, college football, high school football, peewee football..."
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"In fact, every form of football except the original, European football."
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"Which most Texans believe to be a commie plot."
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"- Unbelievable. - If interested..."
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"...I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken."
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"So you could teach me?"
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"Football. I'm going to Penny's to watch a game with her friends."
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"I don't wanna look like an idiot. I wanna blend in."
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"If you wanna blend in..."
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"...I'd think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage."
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"Sheldon, teach me football. It'll be fun."
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"That's exactly what my father said."
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""Come to the games. Watch the games.""
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"Week in and week out, from the time I was 5..."
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"...until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life."
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"Please, I'm asking you as a friend."
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"Are you making this a tier-one friendship request?"
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"- Yes. - Fine."
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"- I really appreciate this. - Yeah, yeah."
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"All right, poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen."
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"I'm sorry?"
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"Oh, that's how my father always began our football conversations."
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"And if you'd like, after the game, I'll teach you..."
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"...how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself."
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"When are you gonna stop making Cylon toast?"
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"...on the Battlestar known as Galactica."
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"Is that what you're wearing to watch football?"
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"That, however, appears to be a football cocktail dress."
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"It's the smallest size they had."
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"Except the one for dogs."
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"I can't believe they had one for dogs."
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"Oh, yes. Canine football fans are a common sight in Texas."
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"Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel."
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"My sister found that out the hard way."
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"- Anyway, wish me luck. - Leonard, wait."
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"Am I correct in assuming that your attempt..."
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"...to be accepted by Penny's peers is based on your desire to ensure..."
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"...your continuing mating privileges with her?"
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"Well, I wouldn't put it exactly that way."
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"Huh. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse."
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"By the way, another accepted usage for the term "ho.""
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"Goodbye, Sheldon."
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"Now, hold on."
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"I believe that social convention dictate you not arrive empty-handed."
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"Would you like to bring some Cylon toast?"
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"Yeah, no, I'm trying to fit in, not get laughed at."
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"What's funny about Cylon toast?"
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"It's open."
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"Hey, pal."
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"What do you want?"
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"I brought you a little gift."
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"New kite."
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"The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang."
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"An Indian kite my brother sent to me from New Delhi."
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"It took me a day to put together and two days to paint."
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"This is Hello Kitty."
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"Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse."
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"Does a Patang?"
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"Wow, you just don't get it, do you?"
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"Buying me something pretty isn't gonna make our problem just go away."
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"Look, I admit I haven't always been the best friend I could be."
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"You've been a sucky friend. A sucky, sucky friend."
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"- Stipulated. - And you do it all the time."
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"Last week, we were looking for a phone with giant numbers for your mother..."
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"- ...and I realize you're not even there. - I know."
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"Getting shot down by the girl at Hot Dog on a Stick."
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"But in my defense, she was gorgeous."
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"And working that squeezer to make the lemonade..."
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"...going up and down and up and down..."
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"It was like a free pole dance right in the middle of the food court."
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"You're impossible."
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"Hey, at least I can talk to women without being drunk."
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"Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognized medical disorder."
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"You're just a douche."
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"No. You know what?"
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"Maybe that's what this whole thing is about."
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"You're not mad at me. You're mad at yourself."
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"No, I'm mad at you. I hate myself, but I'm mad at you."
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"Look, fine. You're mad at me. I get it. Now..."
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"How about we go spend the day together?"
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"Just the two of us. We'll go anywhere you want."
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"I don't know."
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"Come on."
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"Let me take you someplace nice."
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"I do enjoy the La Brea Tar Pits."
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"Oh, why can't I stay mad at you?"
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"- Breaks tackle. - Go, go."
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