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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - John Cleese (S02E02)

"- [drumroll] - It's The Muppet Show,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's time to play the music It's time to light the light ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's time to put on makeup It's time to dress up right ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's time to get things started ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"behind Monty Python's Flying Circus, Mr. John Cleese!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"but we hope it doesn't do any damage when it hits the floor."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"P.S. Actually, we dropped two weights.""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Why don't you get it taken care of?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"And now, to appease the intellectuals of our audience,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Thank you. The Great Gonzo."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"The bare hand."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I must ask for complete silence from the audience for this act."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hey, have you heard about"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Very funny. Very droll bear."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Hey, it's John Cleese! - [applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That's why every one of my contracts"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That's it, no pigs, and that goes for monsters, too."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Mmm."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'd like to speak to my agent, please."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Sure. Where is he? - Over there."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"while his wife, Nancy, crocheted meatballs."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"but tonight she laid an egg."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[computer whirring down]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Wrong hand, stupid. - What?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Don't nag me now. I'm in the middle of laying siege."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"We were going to spend the evening at home."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"bound for the other side of the universe."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Aah! Sorry. OK?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, wait a minute."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Man the bilge pumps!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Do you suppose they meant it to be?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"So I said to the waiter,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
""What's this fly doing in my alphabet soup?""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"My, what a tough night I've had tonight."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- One, two, three, dip. - [glasses shattering]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I don't intend to have one, either."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Shall we cancel? - No, I'm doing it with Sweetums."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Sweetums? - Just introduce us, OK?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, good, yes, just what the world needs."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- What's wrong with this arm? - It's about five feet long."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"both my arms to be the same length again."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[continues repeating "something"]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, picky, picky, picky!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I wish I could."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"one of the most unusual of the Koozbanians,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause and whistles]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kermit. Kermit."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ To dream the impossible dream ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm sorry. We just got confused. We'll just... Curtains!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Right! Where's the frog?!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ow!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"but, OK, here he is now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Cleese!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kermit, there is no way I'll do a song."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"This is not funny."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- [applause] - [shouting indistinctly]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Mr. John Cleese! - [applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, it's been really wonderful being on the show."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[knocking]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"John Cleese. Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Mr. Cleese."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, it's no use struggling, Mr. Cleese."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You can't leave until you've done the show."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"with our special guest star, Mr. John Cleese! Wah!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause and whistles]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ It's time to get things started ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, they'll never get this started."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ On the most sensational Inspirational ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Celebrational Muppetational ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ This is what we call The Muppet Show ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[high-pitched note]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- [applause] - Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Heigh-ho and welcome to another Muppet Show."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"We're going to have a fantastic show tonight,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"because our guest star is one of the geniuses"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kermit, here's a note from the stagehands up in the rafters."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Let's see. It says, "Dear Kermit."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"We are sorry we dropped that heavy weight,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Why don't you guys watch the opening number?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm gonna lie down for a while."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[♪ Somebody Stole My Gal]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Go get it, Gramps!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[twanging]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- What's wrong with you? - I got a sore thumb."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"It keeps my mind off the show."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"the Great Gonzo will catch a cannonball with his bare hand,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"as fired from a muzzle-loading cannon."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"The muzzle-loading cannon."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"The lovely assistant, Crazy Harry."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- [inhales deeply] - [drumroll]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ready?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Three, two, one! Fire!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[glass shattering]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"It's OK. Everything is fine, folks."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Gonzo merely got knocked offstage by the impact,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"but I think..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yes, he caught the cannonball!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I've seen my share of cannonball-catching acts,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"but that had something different."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- What was that? - A survivor."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"the new police show starring Gonzo the Great?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- No, what's it called? - The Long Arm of the Law."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"OK, what's next, now?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kermit, may I have a word with you?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Kermit, I am not pleased. - John, what's wrong?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kermit, this place is infested with pigs."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- So? - I don't wanna work with them."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- Hi, John. Hi, Kermit. - Hi, fellas."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"has a standard no-pigs clause."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"A no-pigs clause?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Here we are. It says, "I only work with a frog...""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"- That's you, right? - Check."
The Muppet Show (1976)
""...the bear and the ugly,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"disgusting little one who catches cannonballs.""
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[man screaming]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
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