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Clips from Taxi - Elaine and the Lame Duck (S01E01)

So, what's it like living in Washington?

"So, what's it like living in Washington?"

Taxi

Oh, God, do I sweat in Washington.

"Oh, God, do I sweat in Washington."

Taxi

It is so humid there,

"It is so humid there,"

Taxi

as if that would make any difference.

"as if that would make any difference."

Taxi

I'd probably sweat on the Matterhorn.

"I'd probably sweat on the Matterhorn."

Taxi

I shake hands with people, and they wipe their hands off.

"I shake hands with people, and they wipe their hands off."

Taxi

They pretend to do something else

"They pretend to do something else"

Taxi

so they won't hurt my feelings.

"so they won't hurt my feelings."

Taxi

They, uh... they cross their arms.

"They, uh... they cross their arms."

Taxi

They adjust their ties.

"They adjust their ties."

Taxi

Could we talk about something else?

"Could we talk about something else?"

Taxi

I'm talking about sweat again.

"I'm talking about sweat again."

Taxi

Why do I always talk sweat on dates?

"Why do I always talk sweat on dates?"

Taxi

It's because I'm always sweating on dates.

"It's because I'm always sweating on dates."

Taxi

I was the only one who said no.

"I was the only one who said no."

Taxi

Oh, hey, Walter!

"Oh, hey, Walter!"

Taxi

Nice to see you again.

"Nice to see you again."

Taxi

Hi, Elaine.

"Hi, Elaine."

Taxi

Hi.

"Hi."

Taxi

Hey, you guys come here all the time, right?

"Hey, you guys come here all the time, right?"

Taxi

You got anything to recommend

"You got anything to recommend"

Taxi

to make the dining experience a memorable one?

"to make the dining experience a memorable one?"

Taxi

Yeah, they got a great air hockey game in the back room.

"Yeah, they got a great air hockey game in the back room."

Taxi

Hey, come on. They do.

"Hey, come on. They do."

Taxi

I know. Uh, we'll see you later.

"I know. Uh, we'll see you later."

Taxi

Would you care for another round?

"Would you care for another round?"

Taxi

Oh, no, I'm fine.

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

Taxi

Uh, I'll have another.

"Uh, I'll have another."

Taxi

He hates me.

"He hates me."

Taxi

Who?

"Who?"

Taxi

The waiter.

"The waiter."

Taxi

I know when a man despises me

"I know when a man despises me"

Taxi

and that man despises me.

"and that man despises me."

Taxi

He's going to spit in my food.

"He's going to spit in my food."

Taxi

They do that.

"They do that."

Taxi

Could we go back to sweating?

"Could we go back to sweating?"

Taxi

Well, well, well.

"Well, well, well."

Taxi

Look who's here.

"Look who's here."

Taxi

Hi, Louie.

"Hi, Louie."

Taxi

Hello, Nardo.

"Hello, Nardo."

Taxi

Is this your date for the evening?

"Is this your date for the evening?"

Taxi

You remember me, Congressman Walter Griswold.

"You remember me, Congressman Walter Griswold."

Taxi

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Taxi

What, they run out of towels in the men's room?

"What, they run out of towels in the men's room?"

Taxi

No, that's, uh, that's sweat.

"No, that's, uh, that's sweat."

Taxi

I was telling Elaine, I sweat a lot.

"I was telling Elaine, I sweat a lot."

Taxi

Congratulations.

"Congratulations."

Taxi

Well, uh, I don't want

"Well, uh, I don't want"

Taxi

to destroy your magical tete-a-tete.

"to destroy your magical tete-a-tete."

Taxi

See you later.

"See you later."

Taxi

He's a nice guy.

"He's a nice guy."

Taxi

Oh, yeah, a prince.

"Oh, yeah, a prince."

Taxi

Talk about a lame duck.

"Talk about a lame duck."

Taxi

( laughing )

"( laughing )"

Taxi

Hey, come on, Louie.

"Hey, come on, Louie."

Taxi

Walter's a nice guy.

"Walter's a nice guy."

Taxi

He's a United States Congressman.

"He's a United States Congressman."

Taxi

I don't care if he's the Duke of Cornwall.

"I don't care if he's the Duke of Cornwall."

Taxi

In my book, the guy's a shlimazl.

"In my book, the guy's a shlimazl."

Taxi

What's a shlimazl?

"What's a shlimazl?"

Taxi

Well, you see, there's schlemiels

"Well, you see, there's schlemiels"

Taxi

and shlimazls.

"and shlimazls."

Taxi

who goes to a formal dinner party

"who goes to a formal dinner party"

Taxi

and spills his soup.

"and spills his soup."

Taxi

A shlimazl's the guy he spills it on.

"A shlimazl's the guy he spills it on."

Taxi

Hey, Louie, you know what's good about you?

"Hey, Louie, you know what's good about you?"

Taxi

What?

"What?"

Taxi

I was hoping you had an answer.

"I was hoping you had an answer."

Taxi

Um... I'm not sure.

"Um... I'm not sure."

Taxi

Walter, your menu's on fire.

"Walter, your menu's on fire."

Taxi

Walter, uh...

"Walter, uh..."

Taxi

I think I'll start with the chocolate cheesecake.

"I think I'll start with the chocolate cheesecake."

Taxi

Boy, this guy.

"Boy, this guy."

Taxi

He is a horse's yatabe.

"He is a horse's yatabe."

Taxi

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Elaine.

"I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Elaine."

Taxi

It's the same old story.

"It's the same old story."

Taxi

A girl goes out with me, I embarrass her.

"A girl goes out with me, I embarrass her."

Taxi

It's no wonder they never want to see me again.

"It's no wonder they never want to see me again."

Taxi

I never want to see me again.

"I never want to see me again."

Taxi

I didn't say I didn't want to see you again.

"I didn't say I didn't want to see you again."

Taxi

Oh, yeah? You want to go out Saturday night?

"Oh, yeah? You want to go out Saturday night?"

Taxi

Oh, no, Saturday, I made these...

"Oh, no, Saturday, I made these..."

Taxi

See? See? What about Sunday?

"See? See? What about Sunday?"

Taxi

No, I take the kids...

"No, I take the kids..."

Taxi

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm."

Taxi

What about Monday?

"What about Monday?"

Taxi

Monday's a bad day.

"Monday's a bad day."

Taxi

Mm-hmm. Tuesday?

"Mm-hmm. Tuesday?"

Taxi

Well... it's fine.

"Well... it's fine."

Taxi

What?

"What?"

Taxi

I'd love to.

"I'd love to."

Taxi

You want to go out with me again?

"You want to go out with me again?"

Taxi

Yes, Walter.

"Yes, Walter."

Taxi

What's wrong with you?

"What's wrong with you?"

Taxi

Can you believe Elaine?

"Can you believe Elaine?"

Taxi

Getting mixed up with a loser like that?

"Getting mixed up with a loser like that?"

Taxi

She's gone out with him every night for the past two weeks.

"She's gone out with him every night for the past two weeks."

Taxi

Look, Why do we have to talk about Walter anymore?

"Look, Why do we have to talk about Walter anymore?"

Taxi

We all have our good days and our bad days.

"We all have our good days and our bad days."

Taxi

Then Walter's got some great days ahead.

"Then Walter's got some great days ahead."

Taxi

What are you guys talking about?

"What are you guys talking about?"

Taxi

Boxing.Work. School.

"Boxing.Work. School."

Taxi

General stuff.

"General stuff."

Taxi

Must have been a hell of a conversation.

"Must have been a hell of a conversation."

Taxi

Well, Nardo...

"Well, Nardo..."

Taxi

Has it happened yet?

"Has it happened yet?"

Taxi

What?

"What?"

Taxi

Has one of your kisses

"Has one of your kisses"

Taxi

turned the toad into a prince?

"turned the toad into a prince?"

Taxi

Louie, you take that back.

"Louie, you take that back."

Taxi

Nardo, do you know what a shlimazl is?

"Nardo, do you know what a shlimazl is?"

Taxi

I don't have to listen to this.

"I don't have to listen to this."

Taxi

A sclimazl is a guy who comes home from work early

"A sclimazl is a guy who comes home from work early"

Taxi

and finds his wife in bed with his boss,

"and finds his wife in bed with his boss,"

Taxi

then gets docked a day's pay for leaving the office.

"then gets docked a day's pay for leaving the office."

Taxi

And with a little more class,

"And with a little more class,"

Taxi

Walter would be a shlimazl.

"Walter would be a shlimazl."

Taxi

( cackling )

"( cackling )"

Taxi

Louie, I am warning you.

"Louie, I am warning you."

Taxi

Now watch it.

"Now watch it."

Taxi

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