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Clips from How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Romance (S01E01)

"Oh, hello, Jessica Alba, in a trench coat and nothing else."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But wait. Knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I don't have a back door, so... - Oh, my gosh."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Jessica Simpson? What a surprise."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Two Jessicas. You gotta pick one. What do you do? Go."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Right, well, I'm engaged, so..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Fiancée's out of town. What do you do? Go!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"We're still engaged, even if she's out..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay, fiancée's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Mmm. - Mmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Sure you don't want one? - How many of those have you eaten?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Fourteen."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No. Just four."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- And the icing from two more. - Mmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, anyway. Here's the problem."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Anyway, I got the care package and it's just great."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(MOANING IN SATISFACTION)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, I'm standing there,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"my mouth full of this delicious, relationship-winning cupcake,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and I said something dumb."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, and don't worry. Yours is in the mail. I sent it a couple days ago."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And it's awesome. Really, really awesome."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, Teddy boy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All right, here's what you do."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Put together a care package of stuff from New York."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Some H&H Bagels, an Empire State Building key chain,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"From three days ago."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- That's brilliant. - Mmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You're brilliant."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know, it's funny, not so long ago,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That is funny."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; And here's why it was funny,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Little did I realize, a few weeks earlier,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"here's what Robin was saying to Lily about me,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay, fine! I have feelings for him."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Now, it's ironic the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The irony is clear, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The guys I work with are a bunch of jerks."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Well, what makes them jerks? - Forget it. I don't want to talk about it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, like today at lunch."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What you got there, Eriksen? Mommy pack your lunch?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"For your information, my fiancée did."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BILSON LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""Dear Marshmallow, good luck today. I love you! Lilypad.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Give it!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""P.S. If you've unfolded this note, your kiss already got out. Quick, catch it!""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Oh, screw those guys. We're adorable. - I know."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"God! It's like freshman year, all over again."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Only, this time, my sweet dance moves aren't gonna be enough to win them over."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Not even Old Reliable."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"but if you're unhappy, it's not worth it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I quit. - What? No. You..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"We're not even working together, Barney. I'm in the legal department and you're..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Seriously, what is it that you do? - Please."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm sorry. Dude, this corporate thing, it's just... It's not for me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, of course it's not for you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's for Lily."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- What? - Marshall, Lily's a catch."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But do you really think you're gonna hang on to a girl that great"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- without the package? - The package?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The package. The house, the car, sending your kids to a great school."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- A vacation once in a while. - Lily doesn't care about that stuff."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But how's she gonna feel in a couple of years"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"when she's supporting you on a kindergarten-teacher's salary,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"while you're off in court,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"defending some endangered South American flying beaver."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- She'll be happy. - Okay."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"knowing you could have made her a lot happier?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And all four are totally naked. You gotta choose one."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"What do you do? Go."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I guess, uh, Bea Arthur."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(IMITATING BUZZER SOUNDING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Wrong. Betty White."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Clean this stuff up, Eriksen."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, did she get the awesome care package, yet?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yep. Yesterday."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, what's the problem?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, I was talking to her last night, and I should tell you,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"we've been talking on the phone every other night,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"for, like, an hour and a half. Eventually, you just run out of stuff to say."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, rye bread."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Mmm-hmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Mmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, Teddy boy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's pretty clear."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I have to go to Germany and surprise her."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Totally what I was thinking. Get out of my head, man."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Barney, how do I get these idiots to leave me alone?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Marshall, consider the penguins."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- The penguins? - On the wall."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""Conformity. It's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"This is a motivational poster?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look at yourself, Marshall. You're not happy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And you know why? Because you're different."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Now, I suppose you could learn to love yourself"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"for the unique little snowflake that you are."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Or you could change your entire personality,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"which is just so much easier."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But then I realized"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, I have to gain the acceptance of the herd"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"by behaving exactly like one of them."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, it sounds kind of like peer pressure."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, no, no. It's totally anthropological."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All right."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Only when I'm drunk. - Good boy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; And so, to fit in with the gorillas,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Marshall had to learn to act like a gorilla,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
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