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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Torpedo (S01E01)

Let's hear it for your Wonder Wharf Wonderdogs!

"Let's hear it for your Wonder Wharf Wonderdogs!"

Bob's Burgers

I never realized baseball had so much butt-touching.

"I never realized baseball had so much butt-touching."

Bob's Burgers

That's how they communicate, Tina.

"That's how they communicate, Tina."

Bob's Burgers

It's like Braille, but with butts.

"It's like Braille, but with butts."

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I'm bored.

"I'm bored."

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Boredom. Boring sports.

"Boredom. Boring sports."

Bob's Burgers

Hey, it's the seventh- inning stretch.

"Hey, it's the seventh- inning stretch."

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Time for the mascot race.

"Time for the mascot race."

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Well, hello!

"Well, hello!"

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Please welcome the owner of the Wonderdogs,

"Please welcome the owner of the Wonderdogs,"

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Mr. Calvin Fischoeder!

"Mr. Calvin Fischoeder!"

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Fish!

"Fish!"

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It's that time.

"It's that time."

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He owns the ballpark, the team, Wonder Wharf.

"He owns the ballpark, the team, Wonder Wharf."

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No, you're not. I wanna be rich!

"No, you're not. I wanna be rich!"

Bob's Burgers

Don't be frightened.

"Don't be frightened."

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I have a gun!

"I have a gun!"

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So, get set...

"So, get set..."

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Where has this sport been all my life?

"Where has this sport been all my life?"

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You know, I wear the burger costume all the time.

"You know, I wear the burger costume all the time."

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Maybe I could race in one of these races, Dad.

"Maybe I could race in one of these races, Dad."

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I bet it's impossible to get in, Gene.

"I bet it's impossible to get in, Gene."

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I'm sure you gotta know someone. You do.

"I'm sure you gotta know someone. You do."

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It's Mr. Fischoeder, our landlord.

"It's Mr. Fischoeder, our landlord."

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I've never paid rent on time to.

"I've never paid rent on time to."

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You're his son, Gene. He'll ask him.

"You're his son, Gene. He'll ask him."

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Yay! No, I won't.

"Yay! No, I won't."

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Now taking the mound to pitch,

"Now taking the mound to pitch,"

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former major league sensation,

"former major league sensation,"

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That can't be the same Torpe...

"That can't be the same Torpe..."

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Kids, that's the Torpedo Jones!

"Kids, that's the Torpedo Jones!"

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God, he, he must be... my age.

"God, he, he must be... my age."

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I speak for everyone here when I say

"I speak for everyone here when I say"

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I don't know what a Torpedo Jones is.

"I don't know what a Torpedo Jones is."

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Gene, let me finish. Nobody...

"Gene, let me finish. Nobody..."

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That's what I was trying to prevent.

"That's what I was trying to prevent."

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Nobody pitched like Torpedo.

"Nobody pitched like Torpedo."

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I was there for his "The Pitch!"

"I was there for his "The Pitch!""

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It was 15 years ago, but I remember it like it was ten.

"It was 15 years ago, but I remember it like it was ten."

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His pitch was the split-finger skadootch.

"His pitch was the split-finger skadootch."

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Torpedo clinched the pennant for us with that pitch.

"Torpedo clinched the pennant for us with that pitch."

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If he's so good, why have we never heard of this guy?

"If he's so good, why have we never heard of this guy?"

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Well, because he didn't last long in the bigs.

"Well, because he didn't last long in the bigs."

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You know, the skadootch is just one of those pitches.

"You know, the skadootch is just one of those pitches."

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But when it wasn't...

"But when it wasn't..."

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it's like hitting candy out of a baby's hand... with a bat.

"it's like hitting candy out of a baby's hand... with a bat."

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because babies hands are so small?

"because babies hands are so small?"

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No, it's easy because...

"No, it's easy because..."

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How could you hit a baby?

"How could you hit a baby?"

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Nobody would hit a baby's hand with a bat in real life.

"Nobody would hit a baby's hand with a bat in real life."

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'cause he hit a baby with a bat?

"'cause he hit a baby with a bat?"

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I'm not interested in talking to you anymore.

"I'm not interested in talking to you anymore."

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Sorry, Gene. I don't see Fischoeder anywhere.

"Sorry, Gene. I don't see Fischoeder anywhere."

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Let's get going.

"Let's get going."

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That's all right. I only wanted

"That's all right. I only wanted"

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to do it really, really bad. Oh!

"to do it really, really bad. Oh!"

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There's Torpedo!

"There's Torpedo!"

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Dad, ask Torpedo about the mascot races.

"Dad, ask Torpedo about the mascot races."

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Maybe he can get Gene in.

"Maybe he can get Gene in."

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Yeah! Kids, come on.

"Yeah! Kids, come on."

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I can't bother Torpedo. He's, like, my role model.

"I can't bother Torpedo. He's, like, my role model."

Bob's Burgers

Oh, that's creepy. Your role model is the same age as you?

"Oh, that's creepy. Your role model is the same age as you?"

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I would never have another nine-year-old as my role model.

"I would never have another nine-year-old as my role model."

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Hey, Torpedo! My dad is a huge scout

"Hey, Torpedo! My dad is a huge scout"

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for the Baseball League of America!

"for the Baseball League of America!"

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Hi, I'm a huge fan.

"Hi, I'm a huge fan."

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You know, I was there for "The Pitch."

"You know, I was there for "The Pitch.""

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So, uh, what can I do for ya?

"So, uh, what can I do for ya?"

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Picture? Autograph? Three bucks each, both for five.

"Picture? Autograph? Three bucks each, both for five."

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Uh, yeah, both would be great.

"Uh, yeah, both would be great."

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Dad!

"Dad!"

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Oh, and my kid wants to run in the mascot race.

"Oh, and my kid wants to run in the mascot race."

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Some kid here wants to run

"Some kid here wants to run"

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For you, Torpedo, I'll make it happen.

"For you, Torpedo, I'll make it happen."

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I gotta free up one of these outfits.

"I gotta free up one of these outfits."

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No, you don't! I got my own.

"No, you don't! I got my own."

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It's a burger.

"It's a burger."

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Easy enough. Thanks a lot, Torpedo.

"Easy enough. Thanks a lot, Torpedo."

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Good luck out there, sport.

"Good luck out there, sport."

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Linda, did you, did you hear that?

"Linda, did you, did you hear that?"

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Torpedo Jones called me "sport."

"Torpedo Jones called me "sport.""

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He didn't call you "sport," he called Gene "sport."

"He didn't call you "sport," he called Gene "sport.""

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No, he was looking right at me.

"No, he was looking right at me."

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Yeah, he called me "sport" and he tussled my hair.

"Yeah, he called me "sport" and he tussled my hair."

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It was great, Gene. You were great.

"It was great, Gene. You were great."

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I'm a great tussle receiver.

"I'm a great tussle receiver."

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Wow, wearing the burger suit in the mascot race, Gene.

"Wow, wearing the burger suit in the mascot race, Gene."

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That's advertising, huh?

"That's advertising, huh?"

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Don't touch me!

"Don't touch me!"

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It was so nice of Torpedo to give us these seats

"It was so nice of Torpedo to give us these seats"

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You can really make out the players' tattoos from here.

"You can really make out the players' tattoos from here."

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Makes you wonder about

"Makes you wonder about"

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the tattoos we can't see.

"the tattoos we can't see."

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On their butts.

"On their butts."

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How you doing, Gene? You feeling fast?

"How you doing, Gene? You feeling fast?"

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No, I feel queasy.

"No, I feel queasy."

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Got some butterflies, Ace?

"Got some butterflies, Ace?"

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Torpedo! Want my advice, kid?

"Torpedo! Want my advice, kid?"

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It's a mascot race; all you gotta do is stay on your feet.

"It's a mascot race; all you gotta do is stay on your feet."

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Let the other guys trip over themselves.

"Let the other guys trip over themselves."

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Remember, you're an ambassador for our restaurant,

"Remember, you're an ambassador for our restaurant,"

Bob's Burgers

so just y y and run well, 'cause you don't run well.

"so just y y and run well, 'cause you don't run well."

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Good luck out there, sport.

"Good luck out there, sport."

Bob's Burgers

Oh. Yeah, I thought earlier you called me "sport," so...

"Oh. Yeah, I thought earlier you called me "sport," so..."

Bob's Burgers

Nah, that was, that was a nickname

"Nah, that was, that was a nickname"

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for the kid there, Flash. I'll take Flash.

"for the kid there, Flash. I'll take Flash."

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Let's split the diff and call you Stinky.

"Let's split the diff and call you Stinky."

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Stinky! I like it!

"Stinky! I like it!"

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Oh, Torpedo, here's a little thank you

"Oh, Torpedo, here's a little thank you"

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I make burgers for a living,

"I make burgers for a living,"

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so it's not weird for me to give you this.

"so it's not weird for me to give you this."

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I don't think it's weird at all, Bob.

"I don't think it's weird at all, Bob."

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Like a good burger.

"Like a good burger."

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Mmm. That's a good burger.

"Mmm. That's a good burger."

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Finish this guy back on the mound.

"Finish this guy back on the mound."

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Ha! Torpedo Jones just said I make a good burger!

"Ha! Torpedo Jones just said I make a good burger!"

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No, I already got your tombstone picked out for ya.

"No, I already got your tombstone picked out for ya."

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What, what is it? It says, "Order up."

"What, what is it? It says, "Order up.""

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That's good.

"That's good."

Bob's Burgers

Let's go with that one.

"Let's go with that one."

Bob's Burgers

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