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Clips from The Simpsons - Viva Ned Flanders (S10E10)

"This is Kent Brockman, live at the Monty Burns Casino."
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"This must be heartbreaking for you, sir."
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"Hockey puck!"
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"You listen to your friends, but you never listen to me."
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"Hey, that's great."
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"All right, young 'uns, bath time."
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"##"
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"Seals and Crofts? Pablo Cruise? Air Supply?"
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"Whoa, ho. Loggins and Oates."
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"- Some kind of electric hat? - Holy water? It's holy water, right?"
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"I just follow the three C's-"
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"and a daily dose of vitamin church."
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"Can you believe it?"
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"- Hmm. - ##"
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"Full power."
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"Welly, welly, welly."
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"So what about all this meat?"
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"First of all, I get five dollars a day, plus expenses."
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"If you wanna be like me, you gotta make snap decisions-"
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"Gee, Homer, this all looks so garish."
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"I'm overstimulated. I gotta get out of this town."
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"No, I got it."
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"Oh! Would you like to be in the audience for my infomercial?"
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"Whoa. When I wanna laugh, I'll take Bob Saget, thank you very much."
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"on his head."
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"Uh, yeah, paint."
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"Oh, God! Lay down. Lay down."
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"I was praying you'd be safe..."
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"- Seven a winner. - Way to go, Flanders."
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"I just don't feel right."
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"Oh, Lord, what should I do?"
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"How do you do it, Homer?"
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"- You mean Lisa? - Oh, no. I mean common sense."
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"Oh, look at this place."
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"Hoo. We must have really painted the town last night."
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"Welcome to my world."
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"Think of your wives."
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"Boy, you did have a lot to drink last night, ''Homeo.''"
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"to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
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"The waffle bar is closed."
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"Well, you can't be very happy with them if you married us."
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"- And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude! - I don't know, Flanders."
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"Forget it. You're married. Let yourself go."
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"Our husbands are trying to ditch us."
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"Attention, all employees. We've got two runaways. Stop them."
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"Drederick Tatum."
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"What if we switched wives? Would that help?"
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"Get out and stay out."
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"##"
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"##"
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"D'oh!"
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"Moments from now, ''the house that social security checks built''..."
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"will be demolished to make way for a casino-themed family hotel."
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"I'm just thinking of my employees-"
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"All the cardsharps, bottom dealers and shills."
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"- Where will they go? - They're managing your chain of nursing homes, sir."
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"Excellent."
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"Gone are such headliners as Little Timmy and the Shebangs..."
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"the Shebangs, and the New Shebangs, featuring Big Timmy."
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"Remember how excited we were when this place opened?"
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"Then a week later we just forgot about it."
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"I'm surprised they bothered to move it when they moved the town."
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"Oh, I can explain that. You see-"
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"Five, four, three, two-"
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"''Implosion''? But I thought you said-"
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"Don Rickles zinged you, Marge."
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"Dad, we hit Don Rickles."
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"I'm okay, but the Puerto Rican guy's trying to steal your hubcaps."
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"Just kiddin; I'm a nice guy."
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"We'd better stop and get the car washed."
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"Aw, what's the rush? Might rain next week."
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"Hey, Homer, your car's kind of dirty."
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"Really? You think I should get it washed?"
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"Yeah, maybe."
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"Cover up your eyes and drop your britches. Who wants wax?"
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"Me!"
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"I insist you take special care with my collection..."
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"of valuable and humorous bumper stickers-"
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"Particularly this one..."
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"which was given to me by a Harrison Ford look-alike."
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"No hablo ingles, senor."
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"Oh."
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"Wow. You can't find this stuff anywhere."
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"And it's free."
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"I've never heard of these bands, Mom."
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"- What kind of music do they play? - Crap-Rock?"
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"- No. - Wuss-Rock?"
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"Ten dollars? What is this, a car wash for millionaires?"
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"Five dollars, please."
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"Hey, how did ''Churchy LaFemme'' get half price?"
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"- Senior citizens' discount. - ''Senior citizen''? Flanders?"
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"Well, we'll see about that."
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"##"
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"And once again, tithing is 1 0% off the top."
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"That's gross income, not net."
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"Please, people, don't force us to audit."
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"Now, I'm going to pass this around a second time."
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"Brother Ned, if you'll do the honors-"
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"I wouldn't do that, Reverend."
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"You see, ''Saint Flanders'' is as crooked as you or me."
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"That's right."
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"How, you ask? With a phony senior-discount card."
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"Did you or did you not use a senior citizen discount card at said car wash?"
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"- Well, I did, but- - Now, I'm not a fancy, big-city lawyer-"
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"But it seems to me that a senior citizen..."
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"has to be over 5 5."
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"- Isn't that so? - Well, yes."
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"And you are how old?"
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"I suppose, if you must know, I'm-Well, I'm- I'm 60."
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"- God, he looks so good. - He looks unbelievable."
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"What's your secret, Flanders? Goat placenta? Monkey sweat?"
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"Aah! It burns!"
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"Listen, folks. There's no magic formula."
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"Clean living, chewing thoroughly..."
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"And, of course, I resist all the major urges."
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"- All of them? - You mean you've never splurged..."
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"and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake..."
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"- then blamed it on the dog? - Oh?"
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"You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach?"
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"No, no and double no."
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