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Clips from The Simpsons - The War of the Simpsons (S02E02)

"..."Good Grief, More Satan's Boners, " and..."
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"...for teens, "It's Not Cool To Fry In Hell.""
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"Marge? Marge?"
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"The Lord and I can't compete with the squeaking..."
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"-Sorry. -Sit down."
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"We will be holding our third annual marriage retreat..."
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"...at Catfish Lake."
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"Counseling for couples whose marriages are hanging by a thread..."
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"...or those in need of a tune-up. To participate..."
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"...please sign up in the lobby."
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"Will the Simpsons be attending?"
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"Oh, well. It's very tempting. A wonderful idea--"
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"Marge! What are you doing? Are you insane?!"
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"Give me that pencil!"
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"-We'll be there. -D'oh!"
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"Marriage encounter, here I come!"
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"They couldn't call it that if it didn't have a catfish in it."
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"We're going to give our marriage a tune-up. No fishing."
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"Simpson? Simpson?"
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"Come back for more, eh?"
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"If we can't find a babysitter, we can't go! What a kick in the teeth."
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"Why do you need a sitter? I'm 10 1/2!"
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"Mom! No."
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"-Grampa? -Hey! Who? What?"
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"-Could you do something? -I can dress myself."
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"Could you babysit the kids this weekend?"
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"-I wouldn't ask, except I'm desperate. -Sure."
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"Last resort. Old Grampa, the feeb."
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"The guy who can't be counted on for nothing, nohow."
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"Everyone's against me."
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"Just putting a few things in the trunk."
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"If Maggie gets sick, call here."
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"If she sticks her finger in a socket, here."
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"If she drinks cleanser--"
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"-Give me the list! I can read. -All right. Goodbye."
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"-Call this number if he falls. -I heard that!"
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"Bye, Dad, Mom!"
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"It's a list of the things Lisa and I can and can't do."
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"You can smoke cigars?"
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"Mmm, bait!"
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"Better get some gas."
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"Fill her up. I guess I'll go stretch my legs."
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"-Where to? -Catfish Lake."
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"-After General Sherman? -Who's General Sherman?"
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"-Who says that? -They do."
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"Oh."
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"Gentlemen, I am going to catch General Sherman."
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"Oh, my!"
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"Grampa's an old man who trusts us."
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"-Is it right to take advantage of him? -In these crazy times..."
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"...who knows what's right or wrong? My gut's telling me:"
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"Bleed Gramps dry."
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"Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. Welcome."
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"Hello. We're glad we could come."
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"-Hi, Helen. -Hi."
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"Homer. Here to give your marriage a little spit shine?"
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"None of your business. Say, Reverend..."
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"-...are we gonna do any fishing? -Oh, I'm afraid not."
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"-...won't get away. -I see."
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"Our best turnout yet. Why doesn't everyone introduce themselves and..."
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"...tell us why they're here? John? Gloria?"
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"My name's Gloria. I'm here because Johnny..."
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"...hasn't been able to cut it, manwise, for some time."
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"Not that I'd want his odor of sour defeat pressed against me."
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"-That's enough! -Thank you."
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"Why don't you tell us about why you're here?"
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"She keeps a filthy house and talks profanely."
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"-Here's your crown, Your Majesty! -Get away from me!"
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"You've come to the right place. First, look into each others' eyes."
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"Your eyes! I forgot how beautiful they are."
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"-Let's never fight. -We were fools."
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"Remember my saving your lives when we pass the collection plate."
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"All right. Ned, Maude, what brings you here?"
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"Sometimes Maude underlines passages in my Bible..."
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"-...because she can't find hers. -Lucky you don't keep guns."
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"-Homer, why are you here? -Oh...."
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"Marge will tell us all your faults. Tell us about hers."
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"-She's perfect. -What are her faults?"
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"-It can be annoying. -Homer...."
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"-You'll get your turn. -I'm done."
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"Okay. Marge."
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"Well...."
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"It's not that I don't love the guy. I'm always sticking up for him."
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"-It's just that he's self-centered. -Wait!"
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"Now, Homer."
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"He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays."
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"He chews with his mouth open, he gambles."
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"-It's true. It's all true. -Don't interrupt."
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"He blows his nose on towels and puts them back."
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"Chocolate, chocolate brownie fudge."
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"-Chocolate-chocolate chip. -Check."
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"-Did she really write that list? -What a question!"
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"-Next? -Syrup."
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"-Aisle six. -All right. But put out that cigar."
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"He drinks out of the carton. He never changes the baby."
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"When he sleeps he makes chewing noises."
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"And when he wakes up he makes honking noises."
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"Oh, and he scratches himself with his keys. I guess that's it."
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"Wait. He kicks me in his sleep and his toenails are long and yellow."
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"That's all I can think of. You're all tired."
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"I want to thank you for letting me get it off my chest."
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"We missed the luau. Let's call it a night."
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"But I can't avenge my partner's death with this peashooter."
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"That cannon of yours is against regulations!"
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"In this department we go by the book."
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"Kids, it's late."
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"You should go to bed. We've had a big day."
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"Wise guy. Little smart aleck...."
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"I can't kid myself. I'm having an ethical crisis."
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"Out at 5. Catch Sherman at 5:30. Clean him at 6."
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"Eat him by 6:30. Back in bed by 7 with no incriminating evidence."
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"-The perfect crime. -Homer?"
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"You're going fishing? I can't believe your selfishness."
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"-Can I be honest? -Yes."
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"You're right, I am! Help me, Marge."
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"-What do I do to be a good guy? -Get back in bed."
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"All right."
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"But I can't sleep. Can I take a walk?"
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"Sure."
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"Gotta be a good husband. Gotta be a good husband."
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