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Clips from The Simpsons - The War of the Simpsons (S02E02)

"-That was our wedding! -Oh."
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"-I want to hear your witty banter. -You can't have fun in bed."
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"-They're here! -How do I look?"
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"Anybody mind if I serve as bartender? I have a Ph.D. in mixology."
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"College boy."
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"Next time put a little alcohol in it."
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"...with a fake fly in my drink."
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"I've been wanting to tell you off for years..."
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"I don't know you. Our wives are friends. We just met."
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"-...handful of peanuts, Maude? -Oh, sure."
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"Not those peanuts."
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"Come here."
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"I like to think that there's no line you could cross..."
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"Oh. You mean inside, don't you?"
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"-You were wasted. -I didn't know when to say when."
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"Before a preview of next week's sermon..."
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"...of Homer's shoes. Why don't we wait until he sits?"
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"-You want to go? -They're holding it at Catfish Lake."
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"Where are we supposed to get a sitter?"
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"-I'll give you a taste of me hand. -No!"
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"I'll do it."
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"And behave yourselves."
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"Grampa, Mom forgot to give you this."
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"The biggest catfish around. Weighs over 500 pounds."
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"He's freakishly big, though."
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"We'll go to the video store, grab a burger..."
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"...and head for the arcade."
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"A marriage can't be reconciled in a few hours. It takes a weekend."
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"Bait our hooks with honesty. That way a happy marriage..."
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"I also understand bowling."
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"-She's the Queen of the Harpies! -No, I'm not."
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"-Let's not talk about that. -Let's not talk at all!"
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"-Well.... -Go on, Neddie."
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"-Because I looked down her dress. -No, no."
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"He hangs out at a seedy bar with lowlifes."
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"-Bye, book. -All right!"
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"You can go fishing anytime. But we're here to save our marriage."
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"You're thinking about fishing while I'm talking."
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"Go ahead, General Sherman!"
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"Homer?"
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"As a trained marriage counselor..."
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"Right up there with that..."
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"...the..."
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"You're really great."
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"The house looks wonderful! What's your secret?"
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"That's right! You heard me! Pretending to cry!"
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"-"
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"War Of The Simpsons"
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"Mmm! "Hors doovers.""
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"-Homer! You promised. -That I wouldn't eat? Never. You lie."
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"Please! We've never thrown a party."
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"We'll pay back those who invited us to their homes."
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"What about that bash with champagne..."
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"...and musicians and holy men?"
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"It's time for bed."
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"Oh, son, when you're older, you'll know better."
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"Oh, baby. Mmm! Yeah."
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"-Glasses? -Gag ice cubes?"
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"-Put a record on. -What are their names?"
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"-Hi. -Please come in."
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"You look swell. And the house! You've done.... Whatever!"
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"Care to try my Flanders planter's punch?"
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"Why not? I paid for it."
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"It has three shots of rum, a jigger of bourbon..."
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"Well, I do have a warm sense of well-being, and I'm slurring my words."
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"-Give me another. -Go easy on the alcohol."
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"Remember when you threw up in the laundry hamper?"
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"Hi! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you."
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"But I don't remember you being so beautiful."
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"A new kind of Mace? Really painful."
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"Oh, Dr. Hibbert. Enjoying the party?"
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"Not really. Someone slipped one of those novelty ice cubes..."
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"-You fell for it! -Homer..."
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"...these ice cubes are made from highly toxic chemicals."
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"A real fly is more sanitary."
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"The look on your face. It's priceless!"
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"-Bart! Come here. -What?"
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"-You're a little monkey, aren't you? -Yes, sir."
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"-Do that cute thing you do. -What?"
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"-That thing you know how to do. -What?"
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"Go to bed."
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"Everybody!"
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"Look! I'm the funniest guy in the world!"
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"Oh, Homer! You're the king."
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"...but I never had the nerve."
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"You stink!"
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"You and your whole lousy operation stinks. I quit!"
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"-Gee, don't quit. -All right."
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"Could you..."
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"...give me a..."
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"-The ones at the bottom. -Oh, okay."
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"Thanks for inviting me. I had a great time."
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"I apologize for my husband."
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"If you want him to live, roll him onto his stomach."
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"Thanks, I will, Dr. Hibbert."
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"Remember, I said "if.""
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"I have never been so embarrassed in my life!"
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"Why? What did you do?"
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"Marge!"
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"-Where are we going? -Shh!"
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"I don't want the kids to hear. I always hated hearing my parents fight."
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"-They're fighting again. -That music gives me the chills."
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"Do you remember the way you acted at the party?"
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"The way I acted?"
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"I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini."
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"-Well said. -Thank you."
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"-A fly! -I put it there."
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"-You did? -I slipped it in."
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"-Pure hilarity! -Pure Homer!"
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"The most whimsical jape of the season."
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"...that could make me not love you."
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"But last night, you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it."
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"Can't we just forget it and go to church?"
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"I'm going alone. You stay here and explain to Bart..."
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"-...why you scarred him for life. -No, I didn't! l--"
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"You might have noticed Daddy acting strange and probably don't know why."
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"I just hope you didn't lose respect for me."
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"I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will."
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"...I have some announcements to make. We have some new pamphlets..."
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"...including "Satan's Boners"..."
The Simpsons
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