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Clips from 30 Rock - Standards and Practices (S06E06)

"and posted all these photos"
30 Rock
"Please!"
30 Rock
"Pop-Pop wouldn't come back to Philadelphia with me,"
30 Rock
"and if Pop-Pop comes to the teacher conference,"
30 Rock
"and I'll have to go to some school in the middle of nowhere,"
30 Rock
"Who knows?"
30 Rock
"My mom is in Indonesia visiting her charity"
30 Rock
"where poor children make shoes."
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"I know!"
30 Rock
"and drove it to Mardi Gras!"
30 Rock
"I once took a log with googly eyes"
30 Rock
"But, uh, who's going to take you"
30 Rock
"to this parent-teacher conference?"
30 Rock
"I don't know."
30 Rock
"Do you have a second, Kenneth?"
30 Rock
"Look, we have a show tonight."
30 Rock
"You can't just take away all these words"
30 Rock
"we've been using for the past six years."
30 Rock
"You can't say "using" on TV. It implies drug use."
30 Rock
"No, you can't."
30 Rock
"That's an order."
30 Rock
"I stole that speech from an episode JAG,"
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"but it applies here."
30 Rock
"Are you kidding me?"
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"I'm interrupting you 'cause I'm good at arguing!"
30 Rock
"I don't need you to make my life worse."
30 Rock
"I am responding, I am matching your tone,"
30 Rock
"and making my own point."
30 Rock
"You know what, Kenneth? Fine. You win."
30 Rock
"But as we saw the other night on Kidz,"
30 Rock
"- Right, Tracy? - What?"
30 Rock
"I'm just saying, Tray,"
30 Rock
"you're very unpredictable."
30 Rock
"And we'll write clean sketches,"
30 Rock
"but you might just do your stand-up act."
30 Rock
"- Who knows? - Okay."
30 Rock
"I'm still fasting because I misread my calendar."
30 Rock
"Tomorrow is my colonoscopy."
30 Rock
"what you're saying, talking Turkey leg."
30 Rock
"Were you a difficult teenager?"
30 Rock
"Well, I was voted head of the PTA, so no."
30 Rock
"but teenage girls, ugh..."
30 Rock
"Yes, how was your meeting with your Nemesis?"
30 Rock
"The point is, and I never thought I'd say this,"
30 Rock
"I actually feel badly for Kaylie."
30 Rock
"On the other hand, I know full well"
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"that this is an opportunity to destroy her."
30 Rock
"I could get her expelled,"
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"sent off to some second-rate boarding school,"
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"USC."
30 Rock
"I don't know, Jack, you should stay out of this."
30 Rock
"No, I could help this girl."
30 Rock
"Or destroy this monster."
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"If I could just tell whether she's vicious or vulnerable."
30 Rock
"That's the problem. She's a teenage girl."
30 Rock
"She's vicious and vulnerable."
30 Rock
"She might be completely lying,"
30 Rock
"or she could be in real trouble,"
30 Rock
"at a very loosely supervised petting zoo."
30 Rock
"Once again, Lemon, I leave your office"
30 Rock
"but having glimpsed yet another tile in the rich mosaic"
30 Rock
"that is your menstrual history."
30 Rock
"and you guys are suckling"
30 Rock
"Actually, we had a different idea."
30 Rock
"Now that Judy's gone,"
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"It's Jerome, right?"
30 Rock
"I didn't want to say anything"
30 Rock
"'cause I was trying to be a good mother,"
30 Rock
"but you're cheesy, and everyone hates you."
30 Rock
"You're so much older than the rest of us,"
30 Rock
"and you're that old boat captain that shows up sometimes."
30 Rock
"That's Hugh Hefner, Jessica."
30 Rock
"Yeah, we have no idea who that is,"
30 Rock
"so you're kind of just proving our point."
30 Rock
"Very well."
30 Rock
"Looking for this?"
30 Rock
"Well played."
30 Rock
"Dude, what's up?"
30 Rock
"I'm just having a bad day, sir."
30 Rock
"All right, bro-bro, let's just be cool,"
30 Rock
"It's just... I started a new job,"
30 Rock
"and it's stressful enough"
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"just having my own wastebasket that I have to fill every day"
30 Rock
"and I just wish I had never been born!"
30 Rock
"'Cause if I can't even get my friend Liz..."
30 Rock
"At least I thought she was my friend..."
30 Rock
"that were trained from birth to argue?"
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"So, I should just give Liz what she wants,"
30 Rock
"and quit."
30 Rock
"You should just smack that Liz in the mouth."
30 Rock
"Thanks for listening."
30 Rock
"I'm Kenneth, by the way."
30 Rock
"Me too. I'm Kenneth."
30 Rock
"Kenneth... uh..."
30 Rock
"Toilethole."
30 Rock
"I'm so sorry Dr. Melvoin."
30 Rock
"You know, I already apologized to Vickie, and to fat Vickie."
30 Rock
"that she was dragged into this mess."
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"and I've really learned my lesson."
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"Look, if I could go back in time,"
30 Rock
"and I'd go to the spring football with my friends,"
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"and none of this ever would've happened."
30 Rock
"Or you simply could have not posted those pictures."
30 Rock
"On hot Vickie's youface page, miss Hooper."
30 Rock
"Hold on, Melvoin."
30 Rock
"You told me it was the piano,"
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"and that everyone went to the King of Prussia mall."
30 Rock
"Well..."
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"I don't remember."
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"And I'm just so emotional right now."
30 Rock
"I'm sorry, how are you related to miss Hooper?"
30 Rock
"I'm her Nemesis."
30 Rock
"but the only fitting punishment..."
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"It's days like this that remind me"
30 Rock
"why I got into teaching in the first place."
30 Rock
"Kenneth, we need to talk."
30 Rock
"told me to smack you in the mouth."
30 Rock
"Then wash my feet with your hair."
30 Rock
"We're not even using the word "dingbat," Mr. Parcell."
30 Rock
"A Parcell man has never been called "mister""
30 Rock
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