Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Louie (2010) - Poker / Divorce (S01E01)

"Flippers. Flip-flops."
Louie (2010)
"Mud cleats. A mud cleat-- That's another club."
Louie (2010)
"- Yeah. - I know it's a free country, Rick..."
Louie (2010)
"...and I don't care what you guys do but-- - Thanks, Nick."
Louie (2010)
"Next time I'm about to go down on a juicy cock..."
Louie (2010)
"...I'll remember it's all right with you."
Louie (2010)
"You should have that stamped on the head of the cock:"
Louie (2010)
"Nick-approved. Nick's face."
Louie (2010)
"I don't care and God bless you. But I gotta be honest..."
Louie (2010)
"...what you guys do, it really makes me sick."
Louie (2010)
"And not on a political, Bible level either."
Louie (2010)
"I mean, just picturing you touch another guy's dick, that's gross."
Louie (2010)
"Is that how you feel about what we do?"
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, do you get grossed out thinking about pussy?"
Louie (2010)
"I don't think about pussy."
Louie (2010)
"You know, I don't care what you guys do. You're the ones who asked me."
Louie (2010)
"And you guys ask me this shit every time I'm here."
Louie (2010)
"I talk about gay sex more with you guys than I do with any of my gay friends."
Louie (2010)
"Well, I'm curious. I don't know that I'm obsessed."
Louie (2010)
"Really? You, who says "faggot" onstage more than you say hello?"
Louie (2010)
"Hello? Who says hello more than once onstage?"
Louie (2010)
"Who says hello onstage at all? Yeah. Hello?"
Louie (2010)
"I mean in life. In life, he says-- More than he says it in life."
Louie (2010)
"What word? Hello? No, faggot."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, does it bother you when he says the word faggot?"
Louie (2010)
"No, it bothers me when you say it. Because you mean it."
Louie (2010)
"But really, as a comedian and a gay guy. You're the only gay comic I know."
Louie (2010)
"Do you think I shouldn't be using that word onstage?"
Louie (2010)
"When you use it onstage, I can see it's funny and I don't care."
Louie (2010)
"But are you interested to know what it might mean to gay men?"
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, I am interested. Well..."
Louie (2010)
"...the word "faggot" really means a bundle of sticks used for kindling in a fire."
Louie (2010)
"...when they burned people they thought were witches..."
Louie (2010)
"...they used to burn homosexuals too."
Louie (2010)
"They burned the witches at a stake."
Louie (2010)
"But they thought the homosexuals were too low and disgusting..."
Louie (2010)
"...to be given a stake to be burned on..."
Louie (2010)
"...so they used to just throw them in with the kindling, with the other faggots."
Louie (2010)
"So that's how you get "flaming faggot.""
Louie (2010)
"So you're saying gay people are a good alternative fuel source?"
Louie (2010)
"That's where they get the term "diesel dyke.""
Louie (2010)
"I'm sorry, go ahead."
Louie (2010)
"You might wanna know that every gay man in America..."
Louie (2010)
"...has probably had that word shouted at them..."
Louie (2010)
"...when they're being beaten up."
Louie (2010)
"Sometimes many times. Sometimes by a lot of people all at once."
Louie (2010)
"So when you say it..."
Louie (2010)
"...it kind of brings that all back up."
Louie (2010)
"But, you know, now you know what it means."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, faggot, we'll keep that in mind."
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, you're gonna die"
Louie (2010)
"Getting divorced is like, uh...."
Louie (2010)
"It's like stepping out of a time machine."
Louie (2010)
"That's what it's like. I got married when I was 28..."
Louie (2010)
"...divorced when I was 42. Somebody please tell me how long that is."
Louie (2010)
"Fourteen years. Thank you."
Louie (2010)
"That's my wife."
Louie (2010)
"And so getting divorced is like stepping out of a time machine..."
Louie (2010)
"...that traveled you 14 years."
Louie (2010)
"It's the kind of time machine where it takes the real amount of time..."
Louie (2010)
"...to take you to the future."
Louie (2010)
"It's basically just a--"
Louie (2010)
"Like if a time machine was a box that you get in..."
Louie (2010)
"...and sit in it for two years, and then it's two years later."
Louie (2010)
"That's really what marriage is."
Louie (2010)
"Well, that's it. You're divorced."
Louie (2010)
"Dude, you're divorced. That's just weird."
Louie (2010)
"Well, it's not that weird, you know?"
Louie (2010)
"It's-- I look at it positively. It's change. Change happens."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, but it's weird. It's just really weird that you're divorced."
Louie (2010)
"That's not the greatest thing to keep saying now."
Louie (2010)
"Mr. Married, with the wife, you had the kids, and now you got nothing."
Louie (2010)
"Nothing."
Louie (2010)
"I got my kids, we're sharing custody. They're with me for half of every week."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, but still, you lost your kids."
Louie (2010)
"You're gonna keep saying what you're saying."
Louie (2010)
"I'm just saying I'm worried about you, bro."
Louie (2010)
"Jesus, Bobby, I'm not gonna kill myself."
Louie (2010)
"I'm just saying, you know? Your life looks pretty bleak."
Louie (2010)
"Okay?"
Louie (2010)
"I'm upset. I'm upset. Could you shut up?"
Louie (2010)
"I don't feel negative about this. You're trying to make me feel negative."
Louie (2010)
"I'm saying I'm upset."
Louie (2010)
"I mean, I have feelings too."
Louie (2010)
"I'm your brother and I'm upset."
Louie (2010)
"I get it, okay?"
Louie (2010)
"I'm trying to see the positive."
Louie (2010)
"I'm single now, I can be with anybody I want."
Louie (2010)
"You know what's really sad?"
Louie (2010)
"What?"
Louie (2010)
"What's sad is you're too old to get anybody else."
Louie (2010)
"You just signed a paper that guarantees..."
Louie (2010)
"...you're gonna die alone in a room with a blanket over you..."
Louie (2010)
"...and the nurse comes in and just shuts the machine off."
Louie (2010)
"Well, picture that."
Louie (2010)
"Now, also, I'm 42. So I'm getting-- I'm really on the decline."
Louie (2010)
"...that was better than the year before."
Louie (2010)
"I've seen my best years."
Louie (2010)
"I thought, "Okay, now I'm gonna start--" See, you kind of like go up like this:"
Louie (2010)
"Then I thought you're gonna start-- No. It's exponential."
Louie (2010)
"Last year, I lost 90 percent of my health and well-being."
Louie (2010)
"So I had 10 percent of what I did the year before."
Louie (2010)
"Now, this year, I've lost 90 percent of that 10 percent..."
Louie (2010)
"...so now I have 10--"
Louie (2010)
"You don't understand what exponential means."
Louie (2010)
"So...."
Louie (2010)
"Oh, my God. Nightmare."
Louie (2010)
"Tammy."
Louie (2010)
"Tammy Wickilinis."
Louie (2010)
"What are you looking at?"
Louie (2010)
"You're funny-looking."
Louie (2010)
"No, sir. You look just normal."
Louie (2010)
"Hey."
Louie (2010)
"You wanna see something? Sure."
Louie (2010)
Show more clips