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Clips from Louie (2010) - Poker / Divorce (S01E01)

"He goes, "She's young, cute." He goes, "She doesn't work here.""
Louie (2010)
"You're my sister."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, sorry."
Louie (2010)
"Two gets a nine, that's flushing, queen gets a jack."
Louie (2010)
"...Iike a pink diamond. And so, you know, try to get a card in there."
Louie (2010)
"What's that feel like? - What?"
Louie (2010)
"What is wrong with you people?"
Louie (2010)
"Shut up and learn something."
Louie (2010)
"...sometimes in a hotel room..."
Louie (2010)
"That's why they call it City Jerks."
Louie (2010)
"Stop. Stop telling this. I'm gonna puke."
Louie (2010)
"What's a huddle? You said "huddle." What's that?"
Louie (2010)
"Oh, my God. What--?"
Louie (2010)
"...except for shoes and socks."
Louie (2010)
"That's one of Jim's clubs. - Mud cleats."
Louie (2010)
"What, sex with women?"
Louie (2010)
"I think you should use whatever word you want."
Louie (2010)
"Now, in the Middle Ages..."
Louie (2010)
"But, you know, by all means, use it, get your laughs."
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie"
Louie (2010)
"I was married when I was 28, divorced when I was 42, so I was married 14 years."
Louie (2010)
"But it's a really shitty time machine."
Louie (2010)
"I'm just saying, you know? You've always been this guy."
Louie (2010)
"I don't have nothing."
Louie (2010)
"I don't want you to kill yourself."
Louie (2010)
"I'm not talking about how you feel."
Louie (2010)
"There's never gonna be another year of my life..."
Louie (2010)
"That's never gonna happen again."
Louie (2010)
"The loss of ability, agility and breath is exponential."
Louie (2010)
"Nothing."
Louie (2010)
"Oh, my God."
Louie (2010)
"You want a shot? No."
Louie (2010)
"Hey. Yeah?"
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, sure, of course."
Louie (2010)
"Nope."
Louie (2010)
"Bye, Tammy."
Louie (2010)
"I would totally have sex with most monkeys, probably."
Louie (2010)
"I don't think any animal is attracted to any human being."
Louie (2010)
"...except I don't think the animal is into it."
Louie (2010)
"Get in there, man, you earned it."
Louie (2010)
"That's like getting a little--"
Louie (2010)
""Oh, my God, it's just me."
Louie (2010)
"That's a legitimate question. I know it is."
Louie (2010)
"But, I mean, it--"
Louie (2010)
"I have running water and a toilet. That's all it took."
Louie (2010)
"Ka-ching. Ching."
Louie (2010)
"I seduced a harp player."
Louie (2010)
"A harp player? A harp player."
Louie (2010)
"Waitresses there hate him since then."
Louie (2010)
"Is that bad? - That's terrible."
Louie (2010)
"And I wanna do open mikes."
Louie (2010)
"Yes, honest to God."
Louie (2010)
"Behind a Dunkin' Donuts?"
Louie (2010)
"Okay, okay, okay."
Louie (2010)
"Deal. All right."
Louie (2010)
"Wait, is this high-low? Yes, it's high-low."
Louie (2010)
"Seven of hearts, five-- Know what you can do with this?"
Louie (2010)
"Shove it up your mother's shitmaker."
Louie (2010)
"I don't think it'll fit. Her ass is crammed..."
Louie (2010)
"...with those dicks she finds behind the bus station."
Louie (2010)
"That doesn't make any sense."
Louie (2010)
"What Nick is saying is your mother goes to the bus station..."
Louie (2010)
"...and she gets like old, thrown-away penises there."
Louie (2010)
"Like out back where they keep those. Like in a bin."
Louie (2010)
"She does it so much her ass is just crammed full."
Louie (2010)
"Your mom does that?"
Louie (2010)
"I don't know. - Let me finish."
Louie (2010)
"All right. She just crams them in there..."
Louie (2010)
"...and uses one of those coffee tampers for espresso machines. Pushes them--"
Louie (2010)
"I got it earlier--"
Louie (2010)
"Wait a minute, I'm not finished."
Louie (2010)
"And she just shoves them in there, just comp-- It's just compressed."
Louie (2010)
"It's like she's almost crushing dicks into like a dick diamond..."
Louie (2010)
"Okay, that does make sense."
Louie (2010)
"A dick in the ass."
Louie (2010)
"You're asking me because I'm gay?"
Louie (2010)
"No, I'm asking you because you're very learned."
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, because you're the only gay person here."
Louie (2010)
"You interested for any particular reason? You need a breath mint, my friend."
Louie (2010)
"Hey, Rick, is it true there's a club in this city called Jerks..."
Louie (2010)
"...where gay guys stand around, play with each other's dicks?"
Louie (2010)
"Yeah, City Jerks. Oh, my God."
Louie (2010)
"There's a club like that? It's not a club per se."
Louie (2010)
"It's like a floating party. Meets in different locations every week."
Louie (2010)
"What goes on there? Do we need to hear this?"
Louie (2010)
"Hey, why don't you shut up? Nice one."
Louie (2010)
"Don't want to. Well, City Jerks is a gathering..."
Louie (2010)
"...sometimes at a club, and, you know, different places."
Louie (2010)
"And it started, basically, when AIDS did."
Louie (2010)
"They wanted a club where guys could have..."
Louie (2010)
"...Iike a group sexual outlet but still play safe."
Louie (2010)
"You know, so at this-- You know, at these meetings..."
Louie (2010)
"...they get together, some guys go one-on-one..."
Louie (2010)
"...some guys go in a huddle."
Louie (2010)
"Like what goes on?"
Louie (2010)
"You masturbate each other. Ugh, Jesus."
Louie (2010)
"I thought masturbation meant only one person."
Louie (2010)
"So you stand in a room and you jerk each other off?"
Louie (2010)
"Well, you could just watch."
Louie (2010)
"A lot of guys like to watch while another guy pleasures himself."
Louie (2010)
"Is there a lesser charge for watching? - No, no, no."
Louie (2010)
"Like auditing a class? - No, because you're never--"
Louie (2010)
"It's a huddle, where you huddle together..."
Louie (2010)
"...and everybody reaches in, and you kind of help yourself."
Louie (2010)
"To cocks and balls. Sure."
Louie (2010)
"What are they in, a candy dish?"
Louie (2010)
"Jesus Christ, what are you people thinking?"
Louie (2010)
"Is there like a quarterback of the huddle? And he's like, "You jerk him, you jerk him."
Louie (2010)
""Break. On two.""
Louie (2010)
"- On two. - What if somebody recognizes you?"
Louie (2010)
"Say hi."
Louie (2010)
"Well, you'll be pleased to know everybody's naked..."
Louie (2010)
"Why shoes and socks? After a while, the floor is full--"
Louie (2010)
"All right! I get it!"
Louie (2010)
"Christ! - That much?"
Louie (2010)
"You gotta put on shoes? Like Timberlands? Thick shoes?"
Louie (2010)
"No. Just regular shoes with a rubber sole."
Louie (2010)
"Sure. Something stylish, though? Florsheim has some stuff, you know."
Louie (2010)
"- Or snowshoes or something. - Flip-flops."
Louie (2010)
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