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Clips from Veep - Tears (S01E01)

because this was never a meeting to even begin with.

"because this was never a meeting to even begin with."

Veep

All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position.

"All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position."

Veep

"Okay? Keep a low profile."

Veep

Um, Ma'am, I may have already issued a press release

"Um, Ma'am, I may have already issued a press release"

Veep

But I can't cry.

"But I can't cry."

Veep

You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad.

"You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad."

Veep

Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously.

"Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously."

Veep

Twelve if you run for president.

"Twelve if you run for president."

Veep

and Egan with an open your fucking ears.

"and Egan with an open your fucking ears."

Veep

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)"

Veep

-I know. -We dress you wrong,

"-I know. -We dress you wrong,"

Veep

you're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog.

"you're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog."

Veep

-Or a ballerina, or modern dancer. -Okay, it's fine.

"-Or a ballerina, or modern dancer. -Okay, it's fine."

Veep

Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit.

"Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit."

Veep

Why are you asking me that?

"Why are you asking me that?"

Veep

And have we heard from the President on the economic forum?

"And have we heard from the President on the economic forum?"

Veep

-No, who? -No, no, no, who?

"-No, who? -No, no, no, who?"

Veep

Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out.

"Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out."

Veep

I miss your emails. Long time no cc.

"I miss your emails. Long time no cc."

Veep

Still up here in Cleveland, huh, Will?

"Still up here in Cleveland, huh, Will?"

Veep

Just rutting around with the regional swine?

"Just rutting around with the regional swine?"

Veep

I'll be going to DC. a lot more.

"I'll be going to DC. a lot more."

Veep

Oh, my God. With that provincial sensibility and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last.

"Oh, my God. With that provincial sensibility and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last."

Veep

It's gotten a bit complex, all right?

"It's gotten a bit complex, all right?"

Veep

So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room.

"So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room."

Veep

If you'd just join me, okay?

"If you'd just join me, okay?"

Veep

Are you Sappy? Is that it? Preppy?

"Are you Sappy? Is that it? Preppy?"

Veep

Actually, my name is Dan Egan.

"Actually, my name is Dan Egan."

Veep

You might remember, actually, I used to work for Congresswoman Hayes.

"You might remember, actually, I used to work for Congresswoman Hayes."

Veep

Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that.

"Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that."

Veep

Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell Selina

"Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell Selina"

Veep

that I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay?

"that I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay?"

Veep

She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub.

"She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub."

Veep

Well, that could be a bit of an issue.

"Well, that could be a bit of an issue."

Veep

We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of

"We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of"

Veep

toxic at the box office, all right?

"toxic at the box office, all right?"

Veep

We're having to bump our silver plates up to gold plates,

"We're having to bump our silver plates up to gold plates,"

Veep

gold plates are going up to platinum plates.

"gold plates are going up to platinum plates."

Veep

I'd make more money if I installed Will here

"I'd make more money if I installed Will here"

Veep

as a full-time glory hole greeter at a Georgetown gay bar.

"as a full-time glory hole greeter at a Georgetown gay bar."

Veep

Which I'm pretty sure he already does part-time.

"Which I'm pretty sure he already does part-time."

Veep

Congressman, she's on her way here right now.

"Congressman, she's on her way here right now."

Veep

First time I took this kid,

"First time I took this kid,"

Veep

one look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby.

"one look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby."

Veep

Ma'am, Martin Collins, the Secret Service guy we reassigned...

"Ma'am, Martin Collins, the Secret Service guy we reassigned..."

Veep

Not great, admittedly? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir.

"Not great, admittedly? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir."

Veep

-(ALL GASP) -Oh, sorry, disapprove.

"-(ALL GASP) -Oh, sorry, disapprove."

Veep

You know what? You go ride with the security detail.

"You know what? You go ride with the security detail."

Veep

There's no room for you in this car.

"There's no room for you in this car."

Veep

and then she can go back to DC No big deal.

"and then she can go back to DC No big deal."

Veep

The one thing she will not be doing

"The one thing she will not be doing"

Veep

is standing up and endorsing me. You got me?

"is standing up and endorsing me. You got me?"

Veep

and I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground

"and I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground"

Veep

All due respect, we did have

"All due respect, we did have"

Veep

an informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor.

"an informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor."

Veep

All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget, there's been a little too much of this

"All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget, there's been a little too much of this"

Veep

And its role in the Macauley amendment.

"And its role in the Macauley amendment."

Veep

Getting Senator Macauley to sneak in the VP's lame-ass legislation

"Getting Senator Macauley to sneak in the VP's lame-ass legislation"

Veep

against the President's will.

"against the President's will."

Veep

Will, tell him who lam.

"Will, tell him who lam."

Veep

And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine a light

"And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine a light"

Veep

on any of this kind of backseat, finger-fucking insider bullshit, Dan.

"on any of this kind of backseat, finger-fucking insider bullshit, Dan."

Veep

Thank you for your time, Congressman.

"Thank you for your time, Congressman."

Veep

I will do what I can.

"I will do what I can."

Veep

66% disapprove.

"66% disapprove."

Veep

AMY: Okay, let's not concentrate on that today.

"AMY: Okay, let's not concentrate on that today."

Veep

SELINA: How could that many Americans not like me?

"SELINA: How could that many Americans not like me?"

Veep

Or all those Americans are completely wrong.

"Or all those Americans are completely wrong."

Veep

-Hi. -Madam Vice President. Welcome to our hotel.

"-Hi. -Madam Vice President. Welcome to our hotel."

Veep

We have to take the Vice President away. Apologies.

"We have to take the Vice President away. Apologies."

Veep

Why have I been given this pig's blood?

"Why have I been given this pig's blood?"

Veep

They're having trouble moving big donor tickets.

"They're having trouble moving big donor tickets."

Veep

-What? -Yeah.

"-What? -Yeah."

Veep

Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me.

"Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me."

Veep

Ma'am. Hi. Good news.

"Ma'am. Hi. Good news."

Veep

We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets.

"We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets."

Veep

Not to worry. I have a strategy.

"Not to worry. I have a strategy."

Veep

Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands,

"Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands,"

Veep

but we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report.

"but we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report."

Veep

All right, ma'am, l...

"All right, ma'am, l..."

Veep

-I really think this is something to consider. -(PHONE RINGING)

"-I really think this is something to consider. -(PHONE RINGING)"

Veep

Jonah.

"Jonah."

Veep

Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy.

"Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy."

Veep

You need to know that the White House understands

"You need to know that the White House understands"

Veep

just how toxic the Veep is after these latest numbers.

"just how toxic the Veep is after these latest numbers."

Veep

It's a tough time, we're aware.

"It's a tough time, we're aware."

Veep

Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy?

"Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy?"

Veep

Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass.

"Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass."

Veep

If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs,

"If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs,"

Veep

is a smaller, rotting dead thing.

"is a smaller, rotting dead thing."

Veep

That’s how toxic she is.

"That’s how toxic she is."

Veep

And I know you're under a lot of pressure over there,

"And I know you're under a lot of pressure over there,"

Veep

so if you ever need a shoulder to cry on

"so if you ever need a shoulder to cry on"

Veep

or a bootie to call on, you have my number, okay.

"or a bootie to call on, you have my number, okay."

Veep

Did you find out who the President's playing golf with?

"Did you find out who the President's playing golf with?"

Veep

Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks

"Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks"

Veep

I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am. I didn't forget.

"I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am. I didn't forget."

Veep

Ma'am, it's Congressman Furlong.

"Ma'am, it's Congressman Furlong."

Veep

-Well, you can tell him to go fuck him... -He's right here, ma'am.

"-Well, you can tell him to go fuck him... -He's right here, ma'am."

Veep

-Madam Vice President. -Oh, Roger.

"-Madam Vice President. -Oh, Roger."

Veep

Well, thank you for dropping by.

"Well, thank you for dropping by."

Veep

Excuse me while I get myself pulled together.

"Excuse me while I get myself pulled together."

Veep

Of course. I like this room. This is great.

"Of course. I like this room. This is great."

Veep

Yeah, it's the Presidential suite.

"Yeah, it's the Presidential suite."

Veep

-Vice Presidential, anyway. -(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

"-Vice Presidential, anyway. -(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)"

Veep

Uh...

"Uh..."

Veep

Just part of the job.

"Just part of the job."

Veep

No, it's not. This is Will.

"No, it's not. This is Will."

Veep

Will, what were they saying about the disapproval?

"Will, what were they saying about the disapproval?"

Veep

-Yes. Have a seat. -Thank you.

"-Yes. Have a seat. -Thank you."

Veep

Um, well, Roger,

"Um, well, Roger,"

Veep

-that is difficult... -Mmm-hmm.

"-that is difficult... -Mmm-hmm."

Veep

-...for me because I'm here. -Mmm-hmm.

"-...for me because I'm here. -Mmm-hmm."

Veep

Yeah, that's great. Can I get some water?

"Yeah, that's great. Can I get some water?"

Veep

-Gary, could I get some water? -GARY: Yeah.

"-Gary, could I get some water? -GARY: Yeah."

Veep

but politically speaking, you are damaged goods.

"but politically speaking, you are damaged goods."

Veep

I'm hearing that your credibility is...

"I'm hearing that your credibility is..."

Veep

The toilet?

"The toilet?"

Veep

-I don't want this. -Okay.

"-I don't want this. -Okay."

Veep

More accurately, the crapper.

"More accurately, the crapper."

Veep

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