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Clips from Fresh Off the Boat - So Chineez (S01E01)

"No, no! I gotta do homework! Love you!"
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"Great news! I joined the country club!"
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"We're all members."
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"What?"
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"We need to reconnect with our culture,"
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"not surround ourselves with white people"
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"doing white things."
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"You know what's a white thing? Hanging up a Buddha picture."
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"Jessica, you got me all excited about the country club,"
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"and now I wanna do it."
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"Our parents made sure we knew where we came from."
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"We need to do the same thing for the boys."
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"Where are the boys, anyway?"
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"Amazing. They found a way to make Tampa worse."
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"What is the teacher saying?"
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"I don't know."
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"Oh! That sounded like the word for "the.""
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"You know what'll impress mom and get us up on the fridge?"
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"- No, obviously I don't! - Me neither."
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"But whatever it is, it's gonna happen here."
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"Hey, Eddie, looks like I got Jamaica and Topanga."
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"Yes."
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"You haven't seen anything... Nyet."
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"Brock!"
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"Again, I urge you to consider"
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"Okay."
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"And now let's traverse the eurasian steppe to China,"
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"A bowl, soy sauce, and a xerox of ling ling the panda."
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"China."
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"Eddie, you're lucky this is just a practice run."
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"I know you're not actually reading."
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"That's just hurtful, is what it is."
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"This way. This way."
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"I need to go buy a thousand-year-old egg."
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"Okay, see this empty space?"
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"The potato bar craze is finally over."
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"- Did it ever begin? - Mm."
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"Now imagine this as the future location"
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"of "Cattleman's Express.""
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"There's low overhead, lots of foot traffic,"
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"we'd have positive cash flow from day one."
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"Ted can get us a break on rent."
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"I met him once at the club, and look where it led."
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"See? This is what the country club gets us,"
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"opportunities like this."
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"All I see is white people, hot dogs,"
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"and a Wolfgang Chang's."
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"they'll end up getting their culture"
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"from fake Chinese restaurants like this one."
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"- "Orange chicken." - That's going overboard."
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"No, that's how we end up with grandkids named "bitsy,""
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"by joining country clubs to make business deals."
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"Louis, success is important,"
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"If you feel that strongly,"
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"It's really a shame..."
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"Yeah, too bad."
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"Luckily, this jerk could sub in."
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"After this, let's talk Cattleman's Express."
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"Sounds like a plan, ass wipe."
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"Uh, sorry, too far?"
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"I'm learning."
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"- Louis... - Judas Priest."
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"Why are you home so early?"
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"Uh, nowhere."
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"Um, I mean... to grout the tub?"
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"like the kind they have at the country club."
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"If I come over there and smell your face,"
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"will it smell ice blue?"
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"Fine! Yes! I was at the country club, God!"
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"You said you were gonna cancel the membership!"
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"Well, I was, but..."
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"Wait, why are you home?"
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"Thought you were going shopping for a thousand-year-old egg."
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"It... hatched."
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"Oh, it hatched."
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"Isn't "Melrose Place" on right now?"
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"I don't know."
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"will it be warm?"
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"Okay, fine! I was watching "Melrose Place," God!"
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"I like it, okay? I like all of it."
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""Melrose Place," rollerblading, Mac and cheese."
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"It's so easy to make. You just add water."
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"It's cheese from water."
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"It's okay for us to like this stuff."
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"But I hate that I like it,"
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"I keep telling the boys to hold on to their identity,"
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"but I can't even do it myself."
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"They have me, Louis."
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"I'm just a chipwich-eating American couch lady."
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"Mom, I don't care if you get mad at me."
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"I don't wanna be China. I wanna be Jamaica!"
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"I see they have him, too."
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"Okay, fine, be Jamaica. What's the point?"
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"Yes! Thank jah."
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"Look at my painting of an ancient Chinese village."
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"I calligraphied the Chinese symbol for "refrigerator.""
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"It's both art and a label."
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"Yours is so detailed. It's really taking me there."
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"- Thanks. - You know..."
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"If we partner up, we can both get on the fridge."
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"That's a great idea! Let's "Turner & Hooch" this."
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"I call Hooch!"
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"Should we sing "Kokomo" again?"
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"It was fun once, Dave."
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"Simmer down, Walter. We're on island time."
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"It's just so much cooler than China."
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"I mean, even Greece would've been cooler."
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"And what's cool about pandas? They're all like..."
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"HuGy-gurgy."
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"- What do you mean? - What?"
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"Does China amuse you?"
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"I was just joking around."
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"Oh, well, I like jokes."
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"Explain to me what's so funny so I can laugh, too."
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"I think Trent just meant..."
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"He said a joke about China,"
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"and I wanna know what he meant by it."
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"Well, I... Um..."
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"Should we get involved?"
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"White African."
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