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Clips from M*A*S*H - Germ Warfare (S01E01)

"[Hawkeye] Observe the female of the species."
M*A*S*H
"her tiny G. /. bosom is beating wild/y..."
M*A*S*H
"because she senses the presence of her frequent partner..."
M*A*S*H
"the notorious red—necked nose—breather."
M*A*S*H
"E yeballs are exchanged”"
M*A*S*H
"between these two US. Army majors."
M*A*S*H
"that what these two officers ha i/e in mind.."
M*A*S*H
"[Imitating Bird Calls]"
M*A*S*H
"Excuse me."
M*A*S*H
"— Excuse me, sir? Sir? — Huh? Huh?"
M*A*S*H
"The colonel says that he‘d like to see you in his office immediately."
M*A*S*H
"— The colonel? — Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"He said ”immediately.” It was imperative that you got there right away."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, well——"
M*A*S*H
"Ah! I‘ve been on fire all day."
M*A*S*H
"Just the sight ofyou, and I want to do crazy things."
M*A*S*H
"What are you doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m taking a survey for the Peeping Toms ofAmerica."
M*A*S*H
"You foul—minded, dirty, sneaking, spying——"
M*A*S*H
"Not only that, but Dish wants you in post—op on the double."
M*A*S*H
"Oh! You haven‘t heard the last ofthis!"
M*A*S*H
"I bet I have."
M*A*S*H
"Why—Why would I send foryou, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"I would assume that ifyou sent for me, you‘d at least know why."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I would too. I mean, that certainly follows. Excuse me."
M*A*S*H
"— Yes, sir? - Rad--"
M*A*S*H
"— Is that true? — Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, did I want to see him? — You must have, sir. Here he is."
M*A*S*H
"— Radar, are you trying to pull—— — Why would I want to pull a fast one?"
M*A*S*H
"Would you stop saying what| am thinking?"
M*A*S*H
"Why am | initialing these initials?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘ll saveyou having to do so much initialing."
M*A*S*H
"— Thankyou. — Colonel..."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yes. Uh, I think we‘ve, um..."
M*A*S*H
"just about covered it, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— Covered what? — Whatever."
M*A*S*H
"Come see us anytime, sir."
M*A*S*H
"But I didn‘t send foryou, Major. Really."
M*A*S*H
"Then why did Pierce say you needed my help?"
M*A*S*H
"Everything‘s under control."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s when this place is the most dangerous."
M*A*S*H
"Sorryl couldn‘t meet you. I was sent on a wild—goose chase."
M*A*S*H
"— So was I. — Margaret, what‘s happening?"
M*A*S*H
"ofour fine..."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you‘re so right."
M*A*S*H
"They want to keep us apart..."
M*A*S*H
"because we‘re symbols of——"
M*A*S*H
"ofwhat a decent man and woman can mean to each other..."
M*A*S*H
"without the tawdriness that fills their sordid little affairs."
M*A*S*H
"— Yes, yes. — Take one step closer..."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, it‘s 4:30. We have to go on hospital duty."
M*A*S*H
"Eight whole hours before I can touch you?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s 4:30."
M*A*S*H
"— Boone should be back any minute. — Any minute would bejust fine."
M*A*S*H
"— You got ‘em? — Yeah, I got ‘em."
M*A*S*H
"Hi, kids. Should we make it a double date?"
M*A*S*H
"—j ust watch your tongue. — Can you say that in front of her?"
M*A*S*H
"We can‘t let you operate, Frank. You look like an ad for death."
M*A*S*H
"”You can‘t”?The gall."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s your liver, actually."
M*A*S*H
"What are you talking about?"
M*A*S*H
"We took a pint of blood out ofyou last night."
M*A*S*H
"We drilled for blood, we gave it to the POW..."
M*A*S*H
"It takes weeks for such symptoms to appear."
M*A*S*H
"He probably came in here with it."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah, maybe, but who knows. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"No, Frank. You‘re a walking bug factory."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll deal with you two leeches after my shift."
M*A*S*H
"— Sergeant, do your duty. — Major."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, what are you doing? Hey, get those offme, you maniac!"
M*A*S*H
"— Let me out ofthis! — Enjoyitwhileyou can."
M*A*S*H
"— Somebody! — Report? On my what?"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll have you broken. — Better be a good reason for this!"
M*A*S*H
"—I want these two arrested! Immediately! —You always want these two arrested."
M*A*S*H
"Look, ifyou have a good explanation for this, I‘ll be a most attentive audience."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, notyou, sir. This sir here, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Here, sir."
M*A*S*H
"—You can‘t win ‘em all. — I told you so."
M*A*S*H
"They what?"
M*A*S*H
"Maybe you‘d know more about what was going on in this camp..."
M*A*S*H
"ifyou weren‘t so busy redecorating latrines!"
M*A*S*H
"Redecorating latrines? [Stammering]"
M*A*S*H
"— Radar, am I redecor—— — Later, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘ve got anemia. — Anemia?"
M*A*S*H
"What do you expect ifyou give a pint of blood when you‘re not ready for it?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, you should‘ve checked with us first."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, you‘re too selfiess, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— Very good. — What do you say, men?"
M*A*S*H
"— Hiya, Frank. Hi, Pai. — Hi, guys."
M*A*S*H
"How come the enemy talks to us and you don‘t?"
M*A*S*H
"You guys have a rough shift today?"
M*A*S*H
"But we didn‘t forget our star patient."
M*A*S*H
"- Well-- — That’s good, because there’s..."
M*A*S*H
"You——"
M*A*S*H
"Another day of bed rest. Continue |.V.s."
M*A*S*H
"— Don‘t make me get unpleasant. —I can‘t improve on nature, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— What, why? What? — You wanted these transfer orders, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Surprising how many of us have blood, isn‘t it?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, it‘s not so hard ifyou stay far enough behind the lines."
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t you buzz off, Frank? Go review your hypocritical oath."
M*A*S*H
"— I want to put a head on it. — This guy can sleep through anything."
M*A*S*H
"you have to allow me the odd fantasy or two."
M*A*S*H
"What do you say? You got a minute?"
M*A*S*H
"it‘d be a lovely way to get him out ofour hair."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, come on."
M*A*S*H
"— Got a minute? — I‘m not giving you a blood sample."
M*A*S*H
"You know all I know about beer is that |——| can‘t hold it."
M*A*S*H
"|—| don‘t know. Just leave me alone, can‘t you?"
M*A*S*H
"wait for the report, and get back here as fast as I can."
M*A*S*H
"Drive carefully."
M*A*S*H
""Where 7/ we meet today?" ritual"
M*A*S*H
"He‘s really upset about something and wants you there right away."
M*A*S*H
"Radar, Major Burns here says you said I said I wanted to see him."
M*A*S*H
"One of us has to. Sir, would you mind initialing these initials?"
M*A*S*H
"To authorize a stamp made with yourinitials, sir."
M*A*S*H
"am | dismissed?"
M*A*S*H
"They‘rejealous. All ofthem,jealous..."
M*A*S*H
"|1|check the vegetable bins."
M*A*S*H
"and now he shows every sign ofserum hepatitis."
M*A*S*H
"Colonel, look at us!"
M*A*S*H
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