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Clips from M*A*S*H - Germ Warfare (S01E01)

"Henry,you‘re turning into a regular—army clown before our very eyes."
M*A*S*H
"— You mean it? —just get him out ofthe post—op."
M*A*S*H
"All right. Where do we put him?"
M*A*S*H
"— That man is a raw neri/e. — [ Ha wke ye ] / cou/dn ’r agree more."
M*A*S*H
"[Henry] If/ didn’t know better, I’dsay the guy.."
M*A*S*H
"Everything‘s gonna be okay."
M*A*S*H
"Ask him if he‘s comfortable."
M*A*S*H
"[Speaking in Korean]"
M*A*S*H
"Look, ask him his name. Wejust can‘t treat him like a wounded egg roll."
M*A*S*H
"[ Korean]"
M*A*S*H
"|wish we had subtitles for this."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, here‘s the personal records you wanted."
M*A*S*H
"This is the entire MASH personnel here and their blood type."
M*A*S*H
"— But try to find someone with AB neg. — Psst!"
M*A*S*H
"— Isn‘t that the POW? — That‘s right. He‘s in my C—O—T."
M*A*S*H
"I ordered him shipped out. What‘s he doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"Easy, Frank. Henry okayed it. He‘s not taking up anybody‘s space but mine."
M*A*S*H
"Trap?"
M*A*S*H
"— Hmm? — What do you think?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Thud]"
M*A*S*H
"H ey."
M*A*S*H
"[As Bela Lugosi] Good work, Igor. Very good."
M*A*S*H
"In the morning he will be one of my brides."
M*A*S*H
"[Whimpers]"
M*A*S*H
"[Mumbling] ...Margaret—— [Mumbling]"
M*A*S*H
"I think we struck dream."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Frank. You‘re so strong."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘re so big and strong. —[Sighs]"
M*A*S*H
"— You got enough? — Almost"
M*A*S*H
"— How are you doing? — Full. One pint even."
M*A*S*H
"Should we check his oil while we‘re at it?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll go get Pai ready."
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs]"
M*A*S*H
"— Did you get it? —Afu|| pint."
M*A*S*H
"— Great. Is he all right? —Yeah, he‘s fine."
M*A*S*H
"They may have to put starch in his underwear to sit up, but he‘s okay."
M*A*S*H
"| see you ordered the hunt breakfast."
M*A*S*H
"— ”The hunt breakfast”?What is that? — Forget it."
M*A*S*H
"Can I help it ifthe war gives me an appetite?"
M*A*S*H
"That‘s an awfully dirty look for so early in the day."
M*A*S*H
"| just wanted to thankyou for last night."
M*A*S*H
"You weren‘t with me last night."
M*A*S*H
"Well, in the absence ofany real success with you in the amour department..."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re having one right now, aren‘t you?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Well, if| did itwith my hands, I‘d get killed, right?"
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s got a minute. — It‘s about Pai."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll seeyou later. — I‘m sure you will."
M*A*S*H
"Whether I‘m there or not."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s wrong? — You name it. Severe abdominal pains..."
M*A*S*H
"nausea, darkened specimen, can‘t keep anything in his stomach."
M*A*S*H
"— Transfusion reaction. — Mm—hmm."
M*A*S*H
"Last night‘s trip to Transylvania."
M*A*S*H
"But it can‘t be from Frank‘s blood. Not that fast."
M*A*S*H
"Stranger things have happened."
M*A*S*H
"|fFrank did have it..."
M*A*S*H
"What about out ofthe outfit?"
M*A*S*H
"—[ Trapper] L oar/ed with jaundice juice. —Let‘s go."
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, Frank. — Frank!"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, hold it up."
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, how do you feel, pal? — Feel? Me?"
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. — What‘s the gag?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s no gag. We‘re interested in your health."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, listen. You, uh—— Are you eating all right?"
M*A*S*H
"None. Why are you——"
M*A*S*H
"Well, my sleep was offa bit last night. I had this weird dream."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, what was it?"
M*A*S*H
"That I was a soda with a big straw sticking in me."
M*A*S*H
"Feel that. Feel that."
M*A*S*H
"— Don‘t be paranoid. — Everybody‘s against me."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, a little disoriented. Classic signs."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Frank, listen."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m fine! I‘m completely fine!"
M*A*S*H
"The last thing I‘m gonna give you two ghouls is any of my blood."
M*A*S*H
"You know, we are gonna have to check him out——| mean, for his own good."
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t think we can do another midnight caper."
M*A*S*H
"I think we‘re gonna have to get something else from Frank..."
M*A*S*H
"to back that up, don‘t you?"
M*A*S*H
"Chossupnita, okay?"
M*A*S*H
"— Okay. — Frank Burns at 6:00."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, what do you say, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m probably the fittest man in this outfit."
M*A*S*H
"And don‘t ask me again howl feel, because you have..."
M*A*S*H
"no real concern for my welfare at all."
M*A*S*H
"Take it easy, Frank. There‘s a vein standing out on your head..."
M*A*S*H
"you could tow a car with."
M*A*S*H
"— Wejust wanted your help, that‘s all. — You wanted my help?"
M*A*S*H
"I told you he‘d be too hard—nosed to help."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, try this."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s fine. — Okay, try this one."
M*A*S*H
"— Aren‘t they the same? — Close your eyes."
M*A*S*H
"No monkey business."
M*A*S*H
"Come on."
M*A*S*H
"Now try this one."
M*A*S*H
"— Remember what that tastes like... — Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m not really sure."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, let‘s try the first one again."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll be right back."
M*A*S*H
"Which beer do you think‘s fiatter?"
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t think the first was different from the second?"
M*A*S*H
"No. Yes. Whatever."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s on your way? — Whereveryou‘re going."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s the great kind ofguys we are."
M*A*S*H
"—Oh, morning, sir. — What are you doing?"
M*A*S*H
"— Get this out of my way. — I‘m sorry, sir. This is closed."
M*A*S*H
"— Closed? How can it be closed? — We‘re redecorating."
M*A*S*H
"We had complaints the latrines lacked any aesthetic quality whatsoever..."
M*A*S*H
"and it‘s essential we show the Koreans democratic plumbing in action."
M*A*S*H
"Does the colonel know about this?"
M*A*S*H
"Ofcourse he does, sir. He signed the papers himself."
M*A*S*H
"What are we supposed to do until the grand reopening?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, ifyou‘lljust step this way, sir..."
M*A*S*H
"we have temporary officers‘ arrangement right over here."
M*A*S*H
"—This is it? — Uh, there‘s more to it, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Ready, sir? — Hang on."
M*A*S*H
"—You got the full scam? —I give the stuffto the lab in Seoul..."
M*A*S*H
"— Or it‘s—— — My butt, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Yes, sir. — Okay, go."
M*A*S*H
"— How long you figure? — Two hours, tops."
M*A*S*H
"We can‘t let him hear any patients till we get that report."
M*A*S*H
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