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Clips from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But not here, not at Joe's.

"But not here, not at Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- How? - Car wash.

"- How? - Car wash."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I am gonna be a gentleman about it and congratulate every one of them, personally.

"I am gonna be a gentleman about it and congratulate every one of them, personally."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Guys. Not to be a nay-sayer or anything, but the only customer we've had

"Guys. Not to be a nay-sayer or anything, but the only customer we've had"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

At Globo Gym, we're better than you and we know it.

"At Globo Gym, we're better than you and we know it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Sign up now.

"Sign up now."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Do you smell that fitness? I do.

"Do you smell that fitness? I do."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Rock it and shock it, baby.

"Rock it and shock it, baby."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You gotta burn it to earn it.

"You gotta burn it to earn it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- What's in the envelope? - Free 30-day memberships to Globo Gym.

"- What's in the envelope? - Free 30-day memberships to Globo Gym."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Cool. - It's ajoke. He sent it to us as an insult.

"- Cool. - It's ajoke. He sent it to us as an insult."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Guys, I know this is tough to take,

"Guys, I know this is tough to take,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

but if an impromptu car wash doesn't raise us the $50,000 we need,

"but if an impromptu car wash doesn't raise us the $50,000 we need,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We could sell blood and semen.

"We could sell blood and semen."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I love the energy here, but we're looking at this the wrong way.

"I love the energy here, but we're looking at this the wrong way."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We gotta start looking at this Irish-wake style.

"We gotta start looking at this Irish-wake style."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Let me be the first to say goodbye to Average Joe's.

"Let me be the first to say goodbye to Average Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Wait, wait. Peter. Peter.

"Wait, wait. Peter. Peter."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

That's very nice, Gordon, but everyone's tired. Playing a game isn't gonna help.

"That's very nice, Gordon, but everyone's tired. Playing a game isn't gonna help."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

There's a tournament in Las Vegas. I feel so dumb I didn't think about it before.

"There's a tournament in Las Vegas. I feel so dumb I didn't think about it before."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I read about the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open

"I read about the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

every year in Obscure Sports Quarterly.

"every year in Obscure Sports Quarterly."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Of course. That's a totally common thing.

"Of course. That's a totally common thing."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

The best part is it's open to any team that wins a regional qualifying match.

"The best part is it's open to any team that wins a regional qualifying match."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Guys, we are not gonna get $50,000 for playing dodgeball.

"Guys, we are not gonna get $50,000 for playing dodgeball."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I do. We played it in PE last year. They showed us this film about it.

"I do. We played it in PE last year. They showed us this film about it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Can you get your hands on that film? - Sure, I guess.

"- Can you get your hands on that film? - Sure, I guess."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Come on, show of hands. Who wants to play dodgeball?

"Come on, show of hands. Who wants to play dodgeball?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Go ahead and have a bite.

"Go ahead and have a bite."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Yes, sir.

"Yes, sir."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Hello, Katherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by.

"Hello, Katherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Are you reading the dictionary?

"Are you reading the dictionary?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too. Grab a chair.

"You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too. Grab a chair."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

So, I trust everything's going swimmingly with our acquisition of Average Joe's?

"So, I trust everything's going swimmingly with our acquisition of Average Joe's?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- That is a really interesting painting. - Thank you.

"- That is a really interesting painting. - Thank you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle my business.

"Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle my business."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm White, you know.

"I'm White, you know."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Thanks, Mr Goodman, but I'm contracted by the bank.

"Thanks, Mr Goodman, but I'm contracted by the bank."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

They just assigned me to your account.

"They just assigned me to your account."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Point is, I would love to see your pretty little bone structure around here some more.

"Point is, I would love to see your pretty little bone structure around here some more."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship.

"by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Unless you're into that sort of thing.

"Unless you're into that sort of thing."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

In which case, I got some shackles in the back.

"In which case, I got some shackles in the back."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.

"I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm just doing my job, Mr Goodman.

"I'm just doing my job, Mr Goodman."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

In fact, I actually prefer it over there.

"In fact, I actually prefer it over there."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Really? You like it with those freaks over there in Loser-Town?

"Really? You like it with those freaks over there in Loser-Town?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

That is rich. A real sauciness that I find extremely attractive.

"That is rich. A real sauciness that I find extremely attractive."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We should mate.

"We should mate."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- What? - Date.

"- What? - Date."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.

"We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Are you OK? - I'm fine.

"- Are you OK? - I'm fine."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

"I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

In some cultures, they only eat vomit.

"In some cultures, they only eat vomit."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm sorry, Mr Goodman. I don't date clients.

"I'm sorry, Mr Goodman. I don't date clients."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I get it.

"I get it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Me'Shell. Please escort Ms Veatch out.

"Me'Shell. Please escort Ms Veatch out."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Ûber-American Instructional films, teaching America's youth since 1938.

"Ûber-American Instructional films, teaching America's youth since 1938."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

How'd you like to take a break from that fine lead-based paint,

"How'd you like to take a break from that fine lead-based paint,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

and learn about dodgeball?

"and learn about dodgeball?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

This is where dodgeball was invented in the 15th century,

"This is where dodgeball was invented in the 15th century,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

That's the American Dodgeball Association of America.

"That's the American Dodgeball Association of America."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Dodgeball is played with six players on each team, and six rubber balls.

"Dodgeball is played with six players on each team, and six rubber balls."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Once all the players on one team are eliminated, the opposing team wins.

"Once all the players on one team are eliminated, the opposing team wins."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Wow. I can't wait to get the fellas together and play.

"Wow. I can't wait to get the fellas together and play."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Hang on a second there, sport.

"Hang on a second there, sport."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Jeepers. Really? - You betcha, champ.

"- Jeepers. Really? - You betcha, champ."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

If you catch a ball that's thrown at you before it hits the ground,

"If you catch a ball that's thrown at you before it hits the ground,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

the player who threw that ball is out, not you.

"the player who threw that ball is out, not you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Plus, another player from your team gets to come back into the game.

"Plus, another player from your team gets to come back into the game."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- It's a two-player swing. - Thanks, Patches.

"- It's a two-player swing. - Thanks, Patches."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.

"But remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

So, when you're picking players in gym class,

"So, when you're picking players in gym class,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team.

"remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball.

"Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Dodge, duck, dip, dive and

"Dodge, duck, dip, dive and"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

dodge.

"dodge."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

saying, "Take care of your balls and they'll take care of you."

"saying, "Take care of your balls and they'll take care of you.""

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

OK, guys. Any questions? Great.

"OK, guys. Any questions? Great."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I signed us up for the sub-regional qualifier tomorrow at the Waldorf rec centre.

"I signed us up for the sub-regional qualifier tomorrow at the Waldorf rec centre."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But we haven't even practised yet.

"But we haven't even practised yet."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

OK, I think everybody knows...

"OK, I think everybody knows..."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

A very nice office with a view and air-conditioning.

"A very nice office with a view and air-conditioning."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Rub it in. - What I don't have in my office is a closet

"- Rub it in. - What I don't have in my office is a closet"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

of 30 years of financial transactions, devoid of any filing system known to man.

"of 30 years of financial transactions, devoid of any filing system known to man."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Do you realise you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?

"Do you realise you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm curious. Is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?

"I'm curious. Is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it.

"I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed.

"But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.

"I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Six grown men playing dodgeball.

"Six grown men playing dodgeball."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Since I'm here, I'm gonna go ahead and do some abs, go shock it up.

"Since I'm here, I'm gonna go ahead and do some abs, go shock it up."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I like to work out all the time for this kind of sporting event.

"I like to work out all the time for this kind of sporting event."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Gotta be limber and loose. That's the only way to play.

"Gotta be limber and loose. That's the only way to play."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

he's in for quite a surprise.

"he's in for quite a surprise."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Sorry I'm late, guys. - Hey, Pete.

"- Sorry I'm late, guys. - Hey, Pete."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Bad morning, boss? - They usually follow good nights, Dwight.

"- Bad morning, boss? - They usually follow good nights, Dwight."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Hey, Gord, your family's here. - Where?

"- Hey, Gord, your family's here. - Where?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Right over there. - Great.

"- Right over there. - Great."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

She knows I don't like it when she watches me. I get all nervous.

"She knows I don't like it when she watches me. I get all nervous."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Kids take after you. - Yeah. She's their stepmother.

"- Kids take after you. - Yeah. She's their stepmother."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

L for love. Good times.

"L for love. Good times."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

L for love? That doesn't mean love...

"L for love? That doesn't mean love..."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- How many teams are in this qualifier? - Two.

"- How many teams are in this qualifier? - Two."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

If we beat this team, we're in the Vegas Open?

"If we beat this team, we're in the Vegas Open?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Yeah. - That seems pretty simple.

"- Yeah. - That seems pretty simple."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Who's the other team? - I have it right here. Just a sec.

"- Who's the other team? - I have it right here. Just a sec."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- I'm really sorry. Are you all right? - Why would you hit a girl? Why?

"- I'm really sorry. Are you all right? - Why would you hit a girl? Why?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

In your face.

"In your face."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm sorry. We have a bit of a problem here.

"I'm sorry. We have a bit of a problem here."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Unfortunately for Troop 417,

"Unfortunately for Troop 417,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

one of your player's urine tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids,

"one of your player's urine tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

and a low-grade beaver tranquilliser.

"and a low-grade beaver tranquilliser."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I'm afraid, by rule, your team must be disqualified.

"I'm afraid, by rule, your team must be disqualified."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Dodgeball Regional Qualifying Tournament and Grammar Jamboree to be

"Dodgeball Regional Qualifying Tournament and Grammar Jamboree to be"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Average Joe's Gym.

"Average Joe's Gym."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You lied.

"You lied."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

All I'm saying to you, Kate, is that you can admit the real reason why you showed up.

"All I'm saying to you, Kate, is that you can admit the real reason why you showed up."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I was in the neighbourhood and I thought you could use a cheering section.

"I was in the neighbourhood and I thought you could use a cheering section."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Kate, if you wannajoin the team, all you have to do is ask.

"Kate, if you wannajoin the team, all you have to do is ask."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

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