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Clips from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You don't get to touch me, ever.

"You don't get to touch me, ever."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

It is over between us, Kate.

"It is over between us, Kate."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody.

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- At least that wasn't weird. - Yeah.

"- At least that wasn't weird. - Yeah."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Dear Barbara.

"Dear Barbara."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I like unicorns.

"I like unicorns."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Peter... - Before you answer,

"- Peter... - Before you answer,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- OK, what's this? - I overdid.

"- OK, what's this? - I overdid."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Play your cards right, could be a full body. - Will you just stop, please?

"- Play your cards right, could be a full body. - Will you just stop, please?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra.

"A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup,

"A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho" -

"here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho" -"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this year's Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open

"Hello, everybody, and welcome to this year's Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

brought to you exclusively here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho".

"brought to you exclusively here on ESPN8 - the "Ocho"."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

My name is Cotton McKnight

"My name is Cotton McKnight"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

and with me, as always, is my partner in crime, Pepper Brooks.

"and with me, as always, is my partner in crime, Pepper Brooks."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

the fifth win getting you the 50K that everyone's chasing.

"the fifth win getting you the 50K that everyone's chasing."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

There's an electricity in the air, a palpable hue of anticipation.

"There's an electricity in the air, a palpable hue of anticipation."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

They've come from all over - Kathmandu to Timbuktu, and all points in-between -

"They've come from all over - Kathmandu to Timbuktu, and all points in-between -"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

for cholera, syphilis and shingles before play begins.

"for cholera, syphilis and shingles before play begins."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Team Blitzkrieg to the tournament floor for a first-round match.

"Team Blitzkrieg to the tournament floor for a first-round match."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Guys, I figured a real dodgeball team needs real dodgeball uniforms.

"Guys, I figured a real dodgeball team needs real dodgeball uniforms."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

All right. Now we got our thing going on, maybe we'll start smacking each other.

"All right. Now we got our thing going on, maybe we'll start smacking each other."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I hope everything fits.

"I hope everything fits."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

This isn't right. This isn't what I ordered.

"This isn't right. This isn't what I ordered."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- What are we supposed to do now? - Don't worry.

"- What are we supposed to do now? - Don't worry."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I don't think they require ass-less chaps, OK?

"I don't think they require ass-less chaps, OK?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Everybody, calm down. We've got plenty of time to find other uniforms before we play.

"Everybody, calm down. We've got plenty of time to find other uniforms before we play."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Appeasement be damned.

"Appeasement be damned."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Here comes the relatively unknown challengers,

"Here comes the relatively unknown challengers,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

a regional qualifying team, Average Joe's Gymnasium.

"a regional qualifying team, Average Joe's Gymnasium."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Hey, asshole, you guys suck.

"Hey, asshole, you guys suck."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Thank you. Nice to be in Vegas.

"Thank you. Nice to be in Vegas."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I feel like I'm watching a Cher video.

"I feel like I'm watching a Cher video."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Blitzkrieg, ready.

"Blitzkrieg, ready."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

And we're under way. Average Joe's versus the heavily favoured German team.

"And we're under way. Average Joe's versus the heavily favoured German team."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Where's that training? Dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge.

"Where's that training? Dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

This Average Joe's team doesn't look up to snuff.

"This Average Joe's team doesn't look up to snuff."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

The Average Joe's catches a break there.

"The Average Joe's catches a break there."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

It's all up to the only player without a Y-chromosome, Kate Veatch.

"It's all up to the only player without a Y-chromosome, Kate Veatch."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Germans have a two-one advantage. Great catch. La Fleur's back in the game.

"Germans have a two-one advantage. Great catch. La Fleur's back in the game."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

How about that? A two-on-one switcheroo. Now Joe's has the upper hand.

"How about that? A two-on-one switcheroo. Now Joe's has the upper hand."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Great deflection. - Take it to him.

"- Great deflection. - Take it to him."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- He's ball-less now. - He doesn't have any balls, Cotton.

"- He's ball-less now. - He doesn't have any balls, Cotton."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Winner. Average Joe's.

"Winner. Average Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

My sweet dick, it's magic.

"My sweet dick, it's magic."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

My. The Germans losing in the first round and Average Joe's wins in a shocking upset.

"My. The Germans losing in the first round and Average Joe's wins in a shocking upset."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I feel shocked.

"I feel shocked."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Losers.

"Losers."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.

"and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Don't go anywhere, folks. It's just getting exciting.

"Don't go anywhere, folks. It's just getting exciting."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You did good out there, real good. You're a natural leader, La Fleur.

"You did good out there, real good. You're a natural leader, La Fleur."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You earned it.

"You earned it."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

No, thanks, I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you.

"No, thanks, I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Suit yourself, queer.

"Suit yourself, queer."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Amber. Jeez Louise, what are you doing here?

"Amber. Jeez Louise, what are you doing here?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- The National Cheerleading Championships. - Oh, yeah, the NCCs. That's so awesome.

"- The National Cheerleading Championships. - Oh, yeah, the NCCs. That's so awesome."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

This is Amber.

"This is Amber."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

What?

"What?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Don't worry about that guy, Justin. He's a total jerk.

"Don't worry about that guy, Justin. He's a total jerk."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Nice, Dwight. - I'm just saying, it happens.

"- Nice, Dwight. - I'm just saying, it happens."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

My cousin Ray-Ray. Boop. Dead.

"My cousin Ray-Ray. Boop. Dead."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Thanks, man.

"Thanks, man."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We caught those dirty Krauts napping, but that won't happen again,

"We caught those dirty Krauts napping, but that won't happen again,"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

so blow out the horse hockey and remember what I taught you.

"so blow out the horse hockey and remember what I taught you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Get it together. Let's play some dodgeball.

"Get it together. Let's play some dodgeball."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Hands in.

"Hands in."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

One, two, three, Joe's.

"One, two, three, Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months.

"These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Globo Gym hoping to drop an A-bomb on the Kamikazes.

"Globo Gym hoping to drop an A-bomb on the Kamikazes."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I don't know how they can play in diapers, Cotton. I never could.

"I don't know how they can play in diapers, Cotton. I never could."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

It's gotta be the hair. It's beautiful.

"It's gotta be the hair. It's beautiful."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Right you are, partner. Great catch. La Fleur wheels and fires.

"Right you are, partner. Great catch. La Fleur wheels and fires."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Winner. Average Joe's.

"Winner. Average Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Winner. Globo Gym.

"Winner. Globo Gym."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

The Poughkeepsie State Flying Cougars are all over Average Joe's today.

"The Poughkeepsie State Flying Cougars are all over Average Joe's today."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Ouch-Town. Population: you, bro.

"Ouch-Town. Population: you, bro."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

La Fleur can't hold on. He's gotta sit down.

"La Fleur can't hold on. He's gotta sit down."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Time. Time is out.

"Time. Time is out."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You won't hit 'em. They're too good, and you suck somethin' awful.

"You won't hit 'em. They're too good, and you suck somethin' awful."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- One, two, three. - Joe's.

"- One, two, three. - Joe's."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Gordon Pibb, alone, facing five Cougars. It's all over but the crying.

"Gordon Pibb, alone, facing five Cougars. It's all over but the crying."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Sayonara, auf Wiedersehen and goodbye.

"Sayonara, auf Wiedersehen and goodbye."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Incredible. It's one on one.

"Incredible. It's one on one."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Average Joe's wins.

"Average Joe's wins."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I never would have dreamed it possible.

"I never would have dreamed it possible."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Tomorrow we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo Gym bastards.

"Tomorrow we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo Gym bastards."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Well, it's probably the way he would have wanted to go.

"Well, it's probably the way he would have wanted to go."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- What? - What are we gonna do without Patches?

"- What? - What are we gonna do without Patches?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We're gonna get our taints handed to us.

"We're gonna get our taints handed to us."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- What's a taint? - I dunno. Sounds bad.

"- What's a taint? - I dunno. Sounds bad."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

What?

"What?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

For all of us, baby.

"For all of us, baby."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought I'd think that I thought I was once.

"Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought I'd think that I thought I was once."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We're both leaders. And I like what you've done with the gym over there.

"We're both leaders. And I like what you've done with the gym over there."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

I love the whole "I'm not OK, you're not OK, but that's OK" thing you got going.

"I love the whole "I'm not OK, you're not OK, but that's OK" thing you got going."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

And they love you. Whoo, do they love you.

"And they love you. Whoo, do they love you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You're their Fonzie, Pete.

"You're their Fonzie, Pete."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But do you really think it's fair for them to put all that pressure on you? All the time?

"But do you really think it's fair for them to put all that pressure on you? All the time?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You're heading for a fall, Pete.

"You're heading for a fall, Pete."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

But I assure you, something gets lost in the translation.

"But I assure you, something gets lost in the translation."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Money. $100,000. Dodgeball game.

"Money. $100,000. Dodgeball game."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Take the money.

"Take the money."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Invest it in something. Give it to charity, I don't care.

"Invest it in something. Give it to charity, I don't care."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Come on, guys. We got Peter.

"Come on, guys. We got Peter."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

And they got guys named Laser and Blazer and Taser, and all kinds of asers.

"And they got guys named Laser and Blazer and Taser, and all kinds of asers."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Here. Justin, your virgin daiquiri.

"Here. Justin, your virgin daiquiri."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Thanks, Ms Veatch. - Nothing for me.

"- Thanks, Ms Veatch. - Nothing for me."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Dwight says we'll get killed out there, Peter. - Let's not talk about tomorrow.

"- Dwight says we'll get killed out there, Peter. - Let's not talk about tomorrow."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

What's the plan?

"What's the plan?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

What do you guys want from me? I don't have a plan for you.

"What do you guys want from me? I don't have a plan for you."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

We're gonna play Globo Gym tomorrow and we're probably gonna lose.

"We're gonna play Globo Gym tomorrow and we're probably gonna lose."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

- Is he being serious? - He's probably just stressed out.

"- Is he being serious? - He's probably just stressed out."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Gar, matey, where are you headed? Peter...

"Gar, matey, where are you headed? Peter..."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

You are not a pirate.

"You are not a pirate."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

OK, guys. Let's get out of here and get some rest for tomorrow, right?

"OK, guys. Let's get out of here and get some rest for tomorrow, right?"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Whatever you do, wash your hands.

"Whatever you do, wash your hands."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if...

"Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if..."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

Because I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Because I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

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