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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Pilot (S01E01)

"- In ora puellae! Thank you, Orly."
Mr. Mayor
"- Ah. - [forced laughter]"
Mr. Mayor
"Now, as a transitional device,"
Mr. Mayor
"- [cackles] All right."
Mr. Mayor
"I will play a brief phrase on my alto recorder."
Mr. Mayor
"- Orly, come on, honey."
Mr. Mayor
"[gentle music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Look, I know you thought it was a bathroom"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"when you ran in there, but it's okay to admit"
Mr. Mayor
"[whispers] Wonderful."
Mr. Mayor
"that it's an empty closet."
Mr. Mayor
"Our next student council nominee,"
Mr. Mayor
"Orly? - Hey, buddies!"
Mr. Mayor
"please welcome Veda Chung von Medici-Ito Simmons."
Mr. Mayor
"- Excuse me? - Sorry, I was gonna say buddy,"
Mr. Mayor
"[cheers and applause]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Um, before I begin, I just received,"
Mr. Mayor
"and then, I realized that was not okay."
Mr. Mayor
"And then, my brain was like, "Pluralize it?""
Mr. Mayor
"like, a bonkers news alert on my phone."
Mr. Mayor
"- Veda, statements go down at the end."
Mr. Mayor
"And then, I was like, "No, that's insane.""
Mr. Mayor
"- Look, which one are you? - I'm Jayden Kwapis."
Mr. Mayor
""A bonkers news alert on my phone-uh.""
Mr. Mayor
"- Orly's idea may not be as progressive"
Mr. Mayor
"Very warm hand."
Mr. Mayor
"as she wants us to think because the literal mayor"
Mr. Mayor
"- Aren't you a little old for the name Jayden?"
Mr. Mayor
"literally just said"
Mr. Mayor
"- Thank you for noticing."
Mr. Mayor
"that he's doing a citywide plastic straw ban."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm actually one of the oldest Jaydens you'll ever meet."
Mr. Mayor
"Born in 1981, I like to think I might be the original Jayden."
Mr. Mayor
"[chuckles] It's sort of a combination."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm named after my father, Jaime,"
Mr. Mayor
"and his best friend, Dennis."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, Orly, your phone's out here,"
Mr. Mayor
"so I know you're gonna cave eventually."
Mr. Mayor
"- Stop controlling my narrative!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, Councilwoman Meskimen has the disabled community"
Mr. Mayor
"pretty fired up over the straw ban."
Mr. Mayor
"- I hadn't thought of that. All right, all right."
Mr. Mayor
"All right, uh, I will personally donate steel straws"
Mr. Mayor
"to anyone who needs one, okay? - Great."
Mr. Mayor
"- Sweetheart, look. Look, look, honey."
Mr. Mayor
"- Who is this guy?"
Mr. Mayor
"And why is he wearing flip-flops with a suit?"
Mr. Mayor
"- They're prescription."
Mr. Mayor
"I have podiatric claustrophobia."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, Kwapis, look, just have somebody"
Mr. Mayor
"from the Environmental Council say how good the straw ban is."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, it turns out those folks are upset too"
Mr. Mayor
"because choking on plastic straws"
Mr. Mayor
"is an unofficial cost-free way"
Mr. Mayor
"to control the coyote population."
Mr. Mayor
"Without the straws, they think we're in trouble."
Mr. Mayor
"Coyote-wise."
Mr. Mayor
"- You have to cancel this stupid straw ban."
Mr. Mayor
"- Your wife makes a great point, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- She's my teenage daughter, Kwapis."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm so sorry. It is very confusing in LA."
Mr. Mayor
"all: [chanting] Let us suck!"
Mr. Mayor
"Let us suck! Let us suck! - Oh, boy."
Mr. Mayor
"all: Let us suck!"
Mr. Mayor
"- [polite laughter] Look at that sign."
Mr. Mayor
"That's great. Okay, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"All right. All right, all right."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, buddies! [crowd booing]"
Mr. Mayor
"Boo?"
Mr. Mayor
"Boo you!"
Mr. Mayor
"How do you like that, huh? Boo!"
Mr. Mayor
"- I think you handled that perfectly, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- I don't like being told I'm problematic, Tommy."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, well, nobody does,"
Mr. Mayor
"but cancellation comes for us all."
Mr. Mayor
"Mine was a joke tweet about"
Mr. Mayor
"how I wanted Drake to murder my vagina."
Mr. Mayor
"- I avoided all the mines in the mine field,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I'm still getting crucified."
Mr. Mayor
"Am I allowed to say crucified? - Of course."
Mr. Mayor
"It was a different time one second ago."
Mr. Mayor
"- Uh, Arpi Meskimen is doubling down."
Mr. Mayor
"She's now calling for the removal"
Mr. Mayor
"of certain "offensive city landmarks.""
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, let me guess, there's a Reagan statue somewhere."
Mr. Mayor
"- Close-- - Bob's Big Boy."
Mr. Mayor
"It whitewashes the labor force and gives me sexual nightmares."
Mr. Mayor
"- You got a lot of issues for day one, Councilwoman."
Mr. Mayor
"- And I can keep them coming, Mr. Mayor."
Mr. Mayor
"I wanna see your water bill during the 2017 drought."
Mr. Mayor
"Charter schools, yay or nay?"
Mr. Mayor
"Did you post the black square on Instagram?"
Mr. Mayor
"Either way, how dare you."
Mr. Mayor
"- What's your beef with me, Arpi?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No beef."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm a vegan."
Mr. Mayor
"I just think there were better choices on the ballot."
Mr. Mayor
"- Really? Who?"
Mr. Mayor
"The libertarian porn star, or Gary Coleman's ghost?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I'll have you know I watched Ms. Bazonga's films,"
Mr. Mayor
"and she seems like a real hard worker"
Mr. Mayor
"who knows how to multitask."
Mr. Mayor
"I wish I could say the same about you."
Mr. Mayor
"- [forced laughter] Come on, Arpi."
Mr. Mayor
"We can find some common ground here."
Mr. Mayor
"We're both the same age."
Mr. Mayor
"- I am 10 years younger than you."
Mr. Mayor
"But I'm still perceived as a kooky, old woman,"
Mr. Mayor
"and you're still a sexually viable man."
Mr. Mayor
"- Thank you."
Mr. Mayor
"All right, here's something we have in common."
Mr. Mayor
"We both got into this to serve the city."
Mr. Mayor
"- I've been serving the city for 30 years."
Mr. Mayor
"You were floating in your pool full of champagne in Bel Air."
Mr. Mayor
"- That would ruin the grout. - And you saw a sign."
Mr. Mayor
"A magical sign that you were chosen to lead."
Mr. Mayor
"- That's not fair."
Mr. Mayor
"You wanna know the real reason I ran for mayor?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I would love to. - I did it for Orly."
Mr. Mayor
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