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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Pilot (S01E01)

"."
Mr. Mayor
"[dramatic music]"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"- Good morning, sir. - Morning."
Mr. Mayor
"- Good morning, Mr. Mayor. - Hello. [chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Good to see you, mayor. - Morning."
Mr. Mayor
"Good morning. Morning."
Mr. Mayor
"- Morning."
Mr. Mayor
"- You do realize I'm lost, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, uh, it's this way, sir. - Morning."
Mr. Mayor
"- Sir, I know you said no to the teleprompter,"
Mr. Mayor
"but just remember to emphasize job creation,"
Mr. Mayor
"and please don't try to speak Spanish again."
Mr. Mayor
"- It's not my fault peromeans "dog" and "but.""
Mr. Mayor
"That's just goofy."
Mr. Mayor
"- You might wanna let me hold your watch, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist."
Mr. Mayor
"- When exactly did elite become a bad word, Tommy?"
Mr. Mayor
"- 2001, Perry Ellis introduces Elite cologne."
Mr. Mayor
"Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss--who is that for?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Ah. - Excuse me, Mr. Bremer?"
Mr. Mayor
"Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim Director of Communications."
Mr. Mayor
"- You're hand's very... warm, Jayden."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay. - Are you ready, sir?"
Mr. Mayor
"- What if I say no? [polite laughter]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!"
Mr. Mayor
"[overlapping chatter]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Can you believe this?"
Mr. Mayor
"[upbeat music]"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"Well, hey, I never thought I'd be standing here."
Mr. Mayor
"And I know you didn't, Rick."
Mr. Mayor
"- [forced laughter]"
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm not a politician."
Mr. Mayor
"This time last year, I was happily retired,"
Mr. Mayor
"putting, exercising, and never using my outdoor kitchen."
Mr. Mayor
"I was quarantining before it was cool."
Mr. Mayor
"- Heigh-ho! [chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, too soon, maybe."
Mr. Mayor
"- But I love this city."
Mr. Mayor
"Like so many Angelenos,"
Mr. Mayor
"I chose LA as my home."
Mr. Mayor
"In 1976, I followed a girlfriend out here."
Mr. Mayor
"Classic California story."
Mr. Mayor
"She wanted to be an actress, but hey, she didn't make it."
Mr. Mayor
"She was killed by the Night Stalker."
Mr. Mayor
"But in my attempts to find her,"
Mr. Mayor
"I stumbled into the outdoor advertising business."
Mr. Mayor
"Billboards."
Mr. Mayor
"For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about"
Mr. Mayor
"while you were stuck on La Brea."
Mr. Mayor
"Scientology, Angeline,"
Mr. Mayor
"for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie.""
Mr. Mayor
"[aggressive applause]"
Mr. Mayor
"[applause fades]"
Mr. Mayor
"But now, I'm unretired"
Mr. Mayor
"because my city needed me."
Mr. Mayor
"We're all grateful to former Mayor Delgado."
Mr. Mayor
"He served this city valiantly through an unprecedented time."
Mr. Mayor
"- The lightning strikes may have caused the earthquake,"
Mr. Mayor
"which has shut down a number of testing centers."
Mr. Mayor
"Now, we learned overnight that the app we've been using"
Mr. Mayor
"for distance learning is malware"
Mr. Mayor
"and might be filming your kids on the toilet--"
Mr. Mayor
"- Sir, we just found out that the murder hornets are back,"
Mr. Mayor
"and it turns out, they are not hornets."
Mr. Mayor
"They are tiny North Korean fighter jets."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm out!"
Mr. Mayor
"2020, you broke me!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired,"
Mr. Mayor
"Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine,"
Mr. Mayor
"they called a special election, and I jumped in."
Mr. Mayor
"You wanna know why I jumped in?"
Mr. Mayor
"Because that day, the mayor quit."
Mr. Mayor
"And he was later found climbing one of my billboards."
Mr. Mayor
"Remember that? Yeah."
Mr. Mayor
"And the billboard said,"
Mr. Mayor
""Bremer: Available Now.""
Mr. Mayor
"And you know what?"
Mr. Mayor
"I thought to myself, "That sign is a sign.""
Mr. Mayor
"All right, questions. Anyone?"
Mr. Mayor
"[overlapping chatter] Over here. Yeah?"
Mr. Mayor
"- When will you be making appointments?"
Mr. Mayor
"You haven't named a single deputy mayor."
Mr. Mayor
"- And I don't want any."
Mr. Mayor
"Like my daughter used to say about wiping her tushy,"
Mr. Mayor
""No! Me do it.""
Mr. Mayor
"No deputy mayors."
Mr. Mayor
"Look, I know that this city has big, big issues facing it."
Mr. Mayor
"That's why today, I wanna start with something small"
Mr. Mayor
"we can all agree on."
Mr. Mayor
"- What? - See for yourself."
Mr. Mayor
"- Less waste for local businesses."
Mr. Mayor
"I wanna ban something..."
Mr. Mayor
"And it's the right thing to do for our turtle friends."
Mr. Mayor
"It's a no-brainer. Yeah?"
Mr. Mayor
"that sucks."
Mr. Mayor
"- But how will we drink iced coffee?"
Mr. Mayor
"Guess what it is?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Make popsicles."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, my God, I can't believe he won."
Mr. Mayor
"- How will people do cocaine? - Don't do cocaine."
Mr. Mayor
"I can't believe I did this."
Mr. Mayor
"You'll go broke, and you'll get the runs."
Mr. Mayor
"- Is it bigger than a doll?"
Mr. Mayor
"God bless you! And God bless Los Angeles!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me."
Mr. Mayor
"[overlapping chatter] - Oh!"
Mr. Mayor
"- What are you talking about?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I made that old, white man seem cogent and cool."
Mr. Mayor
"My God, Daddy! How could you do this?"
Mr. Mayor
"I got him to advertise in dispensaries."
Mr. Mayor
"The straw ban is my thing! - Because..."
Mr. Mayor
"Because I care about things that you care--"
Mr. Mayor
"I got his cardboard cutout seated next to Kendall Jenner"
Mr. Mayor
"at the NBA Finals."
Mr. Mayor
"Remember, I cared about Pokémon when you loved Pokémon."
Mr. Mayor
"I got him that toy phone, and told him he was tweeting on it."
Mr. Mayor
"- Dad, how could you do this to me?"
Mr. Mayor
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