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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Hamburger Postulate (S01E01)

"Really?"
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"Yeah, I'm good to go."
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"I thought you weren't interested in me."
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"That was before I saw you handling that beautiful piece of wood between your legs."
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"You mean my cello."
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"No, I mean the obvious, crude double entendre."
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"I'm seducing you."
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"No kidding."
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"What can I say? I'm a passionate and impulsive woman."
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"So how about it?"
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"Gee...."
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"- ls it the waitress? - Penny? What about her?"
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"I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her..."
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"...which, unless you're a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction."
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"I did have a poppy-seed bagel for breakfast..."
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"...which could give a positive urine test for opiates..."
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"...but certainly not dilate my pupils..."
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"...so I guess there was no point in bringing it up."
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"- You and the waitress, then. - No, no."
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"So you're open to a sexual relationship?"
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"- Good. - Yeah, it is."
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"It is good."
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"Did you wanna start now?"
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"- Why don't we finish this section first? - Oh, okay."
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"A little musical foreplay. Terrific."
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"- I'm-- Good to go. - Me too."
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"Oh. Hey, Sheldon. What's going on?"
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"I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics."
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"- I'm sorry? - Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols."
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"Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself..."
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"...but you're really not."
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"Just come with me."
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"Well?"
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"- Well, what? - What does it mean?"
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"Come on, you went to college."
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"Yes, but I was 11."
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"A tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't wanna be disturbed..."
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"...because they're, you know, getting busy."
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"So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there?"
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"Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams."
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"Oh, Leonard, you magnificent beast."
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"We really shouldn't be standing here."
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"This is very awkward."
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"Oh, come on. You know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?"
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"You know, last time, I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse."
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"Wait, wait. You had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?"
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"I didn't have to. The dates just happened to coincide."
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"So do you know who's in there?"
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"Well, there's Leonard."
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"And he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1 930s gangster."
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"Hmm. Good for him."
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"Good for Leonard."
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"Okay. Night."
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"No, don't. Wait, hold on."
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"- What's the matter? - I don't know what the protocol is here."
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"Do I stay? Do I leave?"
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"Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?"
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"Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl."
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"I'm usually on the other side of the tie."
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"Hi, Leonard?"
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"It's me."
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"Sheldon."
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"In the living room."
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"I just-- I wanted you to know I saw the tie."
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"Message received."
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"You're welcome."
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"You carry on. Give my best to Leslie."
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"Big Boy."
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"Someone touched my board."
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"Oh, God, my board."
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"Leonard!"
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"Hey, what's the matter?"
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"Equations. Someone's tampered with my equations."
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"- Are you sure? - Of course."
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"Look at the beta function of quantum chromodynamics."
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"The sign's been changed."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"But doesn't that fix the problem you've been having?"
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"Are you insane? Are you out of your mind?"
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"Are you--? Hey, look, that fixes the problem I've been having."
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"You're welcome."
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"You did this?"
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"Yeah. I noticed it when I got up to get water, so I fixed it."
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"Now you can show quarks are asymptotically free at high energies."
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"Pretty cool, huh?"
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""Cool"?"
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"Listen, I gotta get to the lab."
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"Thanks for a great night."
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"- Hold on. Hold on. - What?"
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"I don't come into your house and touch your board."
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"There are no incorrect equations on my board."
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"Oh, that is so, so...."
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"I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me."
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"Inconsiderate. That is the adjective. Inconsiderate."
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"You can stare at your board all day, she's still going to be right."
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"I'm not staring, I'm mulling."
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"- Oh, hey, Leonard. - Hi."
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"So how's it going?"
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"Pretty good."
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"Just pretty good? I'd think you were doing very good."
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""Pretty, very." There's really no objective scale for delineating variations of good."
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"Why do you ask?"
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"Well, a little bird told me that you and Leslie hooked up last night."
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"- Sheldon! - I'm coming."
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"So is it serious? Do you like her?"
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"I don't...."
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"Sheldon, we have to go."
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"Boy, you're wound awfully tight for a man who just had sexual intercourse."
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"All right, well, I'll talk to you later. But I am so happy for you, Leonard."
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"Thank you."
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"What did she mean, she's happy for me?"
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"Because anyone who cared for someone would want them to be happy..."
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"...even if the reason for their happiness made the first person unhappy."
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"You know, because the second person, though happy..."
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"...is now romantically unavailable to the first person."
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"Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?"
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"You know what?"
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"I'm being ridiculous."
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"But who cares what Penny thinks?"
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"Leslie is a terrific girl. She's attractive. We like each other."
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