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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Hamburger Postulate (S01E01)

"All right, I'm moving my infantry division..."
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"Superman is vulnerable to magic."
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"And orcs."
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"I'll be back."
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"Excuse me. Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer."
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"...and drinking mint juleps."
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"Just get a hamburger. You like hamburgers."
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"- Hey. - Hey, Leslie."
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"And walks in quiet beauty like the night."
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"Leslie and I do research together at the university."
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"So I'm glad I ran into you."
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"- We rehearse on Tuesdays at your place. - Why at my place?"
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"That's too bad. You guys would make a cute couple."
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"Aren't they adorable?""
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"You're a lucky man, Leonard."
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"Sure. Why not?"
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"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."
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"It's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics."
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"Oh, yes. But there's usually planning, courtship, advance notice."
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"Leonard."
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"Thank you. I'll see you at work."
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"- Who told you you could touch my board? - No one."
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"That's really two different questions. I'm not--"
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"I don't have to believe in it for her to be lucky."
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"Careful, Leonard. Liquid nitrogen, 320 degrees below zero."
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"Hey, do you wanna slip over to the radiation lab..."
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"Okay."
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"Apparently, you are a magnificent beast."
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"You'll be happy to know I plan to come every Tuesday for the foreseeable future."
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"Really? Oh, yay. Heh."
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"I don't know, a psychiatrist?"
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"Oh, that's too bad. Well, hey, don't worry."
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"...augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings."
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"We flank the Tennessee volunteers..."
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"...and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg."
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"Not so fast. Remember, the South still has two infantry divisions."
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"Plus Superman and Godzilla."
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"No, no, no. Orcs are magic."
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"Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla..."
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"...to the lllinois cavalry and Hulk."
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"Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?"
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"- You guys ready to order? - Hang on."
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"Shiva and Ganesh?"
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"The Hindu gods against the entire Union Army?"
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"When the smoke clears, Lincoln will be speaking Hindi..."
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"My boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back."
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"What do you recommend for someone with a man-sized appetite..."
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"...from a morning of weight-training and cardio-funk?"
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"A shower."
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"I'll take the heart-smart platter."
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"All right, thank you. And Sheldon?"
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"We don't eat here. I don't know what's good."
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"- Well, it's all good. - Statistically unlikely."
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"I like the hamburgers where we usually eat."
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"You can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here."
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"I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger."
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"Which one, the classic, the ranch house..."
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"...the barbeque burger or the Kobe burger?"
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"Can't we just go to Big Boy?"
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"- They only have one burger, the Big Boy. - The barbeque burger's like the Big Boy."
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"In a world that already includes a Big Boy..."
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"...why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?"
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"Because you are not at Big Boy."
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"- Fine. I'll have the barbeque burger. - Make it two."
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"Waitresses don't yell at you at Big Boy."
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"Hey, Leonard. Hi, guys."
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"- I didn't know you ate here. - We don't. This is a disturbing aberration."
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"Leslie, this is Penny, she lives across the hall from Sheldon and me."
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"Howard, I've asked you not to do that."
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"Oh, wow. A girl scientist."
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"Yep. Come for the breasts, stay for the brains."
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"The Physics Department string quartet needs a new cellist."
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"What happened to Elliott Wong?"
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"Switched over to high-energy radiation research, had a mishap."
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"And now the other guys are uncomfortable sitting next to him."
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"- So are you in? - Yeah, sure. Why not?"
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"Yeah, Department of Energy said our regular space is kind of a hot zone."
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"- Nice meeting you. - Yeah, you too."
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"Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello."
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"Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard..."
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"...and putting me in advanced-placement classes..."
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"...wasn't getting me beaten up enough."
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"If you're into music, I happen to be a human beatbox..."
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"- ...so.... - Really?"
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"I'm actually not that into music."
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"Your friend's really cute. Anything going on with you two?"
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"Leslie?"
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"No, no. What, are you kidding?"
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"He asked her out once. It was an embarrassing failure."
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"Thank you, Sheldon."
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"I'm sorry. Was that supposed to be a secret?"
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"She didn't take my order."
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"How could she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?"
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"Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip."
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"What did Penny mean, "you'd make a cute couple"?"
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"I assume she meant the two of you..."
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"...would constitute a couple that others might consider cute."
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"An alternate and less likely interpretation is that you could manufacture one."
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"As in, "Look, Leonard and Leslie made Mr. and Mrs. Goldfarb."
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"If Penny didn't know that Leslie had turned me down..."
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"...then that would mean that she, Penny, thought I should ask her, Leslie, out..."
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"...indicating that Penny had no interest in me asking her out."
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"But because she did know I had asked Leslie out..."
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"...and that she, Leslie, had turned me down..."
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"...then she, Penny, could be offering consolation."
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""That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple.""
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"But while thinking, "Good, Leonard remains available.""
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"How so?"
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"You're talking to one of the three men in the West..."
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"...capable of following that train of thought."
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"Well, what do you think?"
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"I said I could follow it, I didn't say I cared."
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"I admire your fingering."
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"Maybe sometime you can try that on my instrument."
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"- Good night, guys. Good job. - Thanks."
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"See you next week."
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"- That was fun. Thanks for including me. - You're welcome."
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"If you're up for it, we could practice that middle section again."
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"Just so we're clear, you understand me hanging back to practice with you..."
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"...is a pretext for letting you know that I'm sexually available."
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