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Clips from Family Guy - I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar (S02E02)

"OK, OK. How many dirty, stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Family Guy
"Three. One dirty, stinking ape to screw in the light bulb,"
Family Guy
"and two dirty, stinking apes to throw faeces at each other."
Family Guy
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
Family Guy
"Don't worry. I... I got it under control."
Family Guy
"Hey, hey, how about that Viagra, huh?"
Family Guy
"Huh?"
Family Guy
"What, are you people stupid?"
Family Guy
"Yeah. Well, you gu... you guys are stupid and ugly."
Family Guy
"If there was a stupid-and-ugly contest, you'd all win!"
Family Guy
"Hey, Lois. What do you call a woman who takes for ever to cook breakfast?"
Family Guy
"- I swear to God, Peter... - You call her Lois."
Family Guy
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
Family Guy
"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Well, the fat man made a funny."
Family Guy
"I rather enjoyed that. Yes, yes. Yes, you cook very slowly."
Family Guy
"As a matter of fact, if you were any slower at cooking, you'd..."
Family Guy
"Well, maybe that was part of my act. Urine happens to be very edgy,"
Family Guy
"but an unfunny person like you wouldn't understand that."
Family Guy
"OK, OK, I've got it, I've got it."
Family Guy
"If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer,"
Family Guy
"That's right. I went there."
Family Guy
"OK, OK, OK. Wait. Here's another one."
Family Guy
"Why do women have boobs?"
Family Guy
"So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em."
Family Guy
"- That's great! - That's a good one. That's what they're for!"
Family Guy
"Are you telling jokes? I love jokes."
Family Guy
"All right. Then you'll love this one. OK."
Family Guy
"Why do women have boobs?"
Family Guy
"So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Family Guy
"So you got something to look at while you're talking to 'em. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Family Guy
"So you got..."
Family Guy
"You... you wanted to see me, Mr Weed?"
Family Guy
"Peter, we have a problem."
Family Guy
"Mr Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett."
Family Guy
"She's suing you and the company for sexual harassment."
Family Guy
"Sarah... Sarah... I don't..."
Family Guy
"Oh, is she the one we video-taped taking a dump?"
Family Guy
"Why? What happened?"
Family Guy
"Sexual harassment is a very serious charge, Mr Griffin."
Family Guy
"First of all, if I can speak in my own defence, all I did was tell a little joke."
Family Guy
"Second of all, women are not people."
Family Guy
"Peter, please!"
Family Guy
"Miss Ironbox, I assure you this company in no way condones Peter's conduct."
Family Guy
"In fact, a film on employee relations"
Family Guy
"has been a mandatory part of our personnel training for 50 years."
Family Guy
"Irrational and emotionally fragile by nature, female co-workers are a peculiar animal."
Family Guy
"They are very insecure about their appearance."
Family Guy
"Be sure to tell them how good they look every day,"
Family Guy
"even if they're homely and unkempt."
Family Guy
"You're doing a great job, Muriel, and you're prettier than Mamie Van Doren."
Family Guy
"I teach a workplace sensitivity training class for the Women's Action Coalition."
Family Guy
"If Mr Griffin completes my course, we'll drop the lawsuit."
Family Guy
"Good. I'm looking forward to it."
Family Guy
"You know, if I wasn't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me."
Family Guy
"All right, now let's do some role-playing. I'll be the office assistant."
Family Guy
"Mr Hanson, you play the boss and we'll see what you've learned tonight."
Family Guy
"- The filing is done, Mr Hanson. - Thank you, Miss Ironbox."
Family Guy
"and every bit as important to this company as I am."
Family Guy
"Excellent. Mr Griffin, why don't you come up here and give it a try?"
Family Guy
"All right."
Family Guy
"- The filing is done, Mr Griffin. - Thank you, Miss Ironbox."
Family Guy
"if you come to work without a shirt on."
Family Guy
"- Mr Griffin! - I'm sorry. That came out wrong."
Family Guy
"Let me try again."
Family Guy
"That's not fair. I've heard everything you've said."
Family Guy
"There's some subtleties to the rules that aren't so easy to understand."
Family Guy
"- Honk, honk. - OK, that's it!"
Family Guy
"Obviously normal sensitivity training isn't enough for you."
Family Guy
"No. We're gonna have to do something drastic."
Family Guy
"A week at a women's retreat. What the hell am I supposed to learn from that?"
Family Guy
"Face it, your attitude towards women isn't exactly enlightened."
Family Guy
"That's a bad mud puddle. I wouldn't want you to step in that"
Family Guy
"and get your nice shoes all ruined."
Family Guy
"Then you got caught peeping in the ladies' locker room."
Family Guy
"OK, move the towel, move the towel."
Family Guy
"Peter, I think this'll be good for you."
Family Guy
"You know I love you, but I have to admit there are times"
Family Guy
"Look at me. Look at me!"
Family Guy
"Hello, ladies. I'm Miss Watson, director of the retreat."
Family Guy
"This world would be far better if there were more men like him."
Family Guy
"OK, OK, so here's what I'm thinking. I'll be Charlie and you can all be my angels."
Family Guy
"Except you. You'll be Bosley."
Family Guy
"We women have so much strength inside us."
Family Guy
"Right on, sister!"
Family Guy
"Wah, wah, wah. Come on! It's only childbirth. How much could it hurt?"
Family Guy
"It's like taking your bottom lip and stretching it over your head to the back of your neck."
Family Guy
"Hey, you wanna hear some horror stories,"
Family Guy
"what about what I went through when Lois was pregnant?"
Family Guy
"We are conditioned to feel competitive with other women when we should be supportive."
Family Guy
"Lizzy, I know you feel alone and unattractive since your husband left you."
Family Guy
"Notice I'm making physical contact with her in order to establish a connection."
Family Guy
"Very good, Peter! That's true."
Family Guy
"That's it. Now rub her back."
Family Guy
"OK, that's good. Yeah, comfort her."
Family Guy
"Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like that, don't you?"
Family Guy
"It's OK. It's OK to like it. It's very natural."
Family Guy
"- I can't do it. - Yes, you can."
Family Guy
"OK, me next, me next!"
Family Guy
"OK, ladies. I'm gonna start with a Greg Louganis triple Salchow"
Family Guy
"and tuck into a flying Mary Lou Retton half..."
Family Guy
"Now that you've felt a woman's pain, the learning can begin."
Family Guy
"Lois!"
Family Guy
"I missed you so much. And my babies!"
Family Guy
"Chris, be a munchkin and bring my bags inside."
Family Guy
"- Peter, you're, uh... - Brian, put the tea on. I have stories."
Family Guy
"But first I'm gonna go freshen up and rinse out a few things."
Family Guy
"Oh, fudge! I broke a nail. Excuse me."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God! Dad's a chick!"
Family Guy
"I can't remember the last time we cuddled like this."
Family Guy
"I can't remember the last time I loved you so much."
Family Guy
"Oh, how did you get so sweet?"
Family Guy
"When I was born, my mommy dunked me in a barrel of sugar."
Family Guy
"Oh, yes. Yes, I want the coffee cake."
Family Guy
"- Hello! - Hey, Quagmire."
Family Guy
"- Hey, Peter, what's up? - Not much."
Family Guy
"- What you thinking about? - What do you mean? You called me."
Family Guy
"I just wanted to say hi. So what are you d...?"
Family Guy
"Sometimes I just can't believe we could make something so beautiful."
Family Guy
"He looks just like his father."
Family Guy
"I really appreciate all the hard work you did giving birth and mothering our kids."
Family Guy
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