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Clips from American Dad! - Tearjerker (S03E03)

"- No. - If you ever become a robot, will you tell me?"
American Dad!
"Sure."
American Dad!
"Nice."
American Dad!
"We're now beginning our descent into the Teardrop Islands."
American Dad!
"Look at that. We're landing in his mouth."
American Dad!
"It's like he's eating us. I bet we're delicious."
American Dad!
"Mani, Pedi, Sexpun?"
American Dad!
"Oh, you can throw a knife. But you know what you can't throw?"
American Dad!
"A party... for my birthday... which was Wednesday!"
American Dad!
"I remembered yours!"
American Dad!
"What is the fascination with celebrity babies?"
American Dad!
"There are so many more important things going on in the world."
American Dad!
"Famine, war-Ahh."
American Dad!
"Right this way, Mr. Depp."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna try and touch Gilbert's grapes."
American Dad!
"Well, look what the whore cat dragged in. A whore."
American Dad!
"No. I'm Tearjerker's personal masseuse."
American Dad!
"And he asked me to work on you myself."
American Dad!
"Then I'm gonna make love to you until you hate your vagina."
American Dad!
"Here. Think about it. I'm gonna go hit the juice bar. You probably wouldn't like it."
American Dad!
"It's not about living out childhood abuse through degrading sexual encounters."
American Dad!
"It's more about juice."
American Dad!
"Johnny! How's the Spielberg script?"
American Dad!
"I'm not doing that film anymore."
American Dad!
"Tchochkie Schmear's got a project that's way better."
American Dad!
"- Here. You want to try my milk shake? - I hate milk shakes."
American Dad!
"because he wants to kill you."
American Dad!
"Ah. I remember when I first fell for me. Great feeling, isn't it?"
American Dad!
"Warm. Right in your belly. Right there. That's me."
American Dad!
"- Now tell me what Tearjerker's up to! - I'll tell you."
American Dad!
"All aboard Tearjerker's Diabolical Plan Boat Tour."
American Dad!
"Tearjerker has spent years..."
American Dad!
"replacing the world's foremost thespians with robots."
American Dad!
"Why? So he could make them perform..."
American Dad!
"Some, like Sylvester Stallone, already do that themselves..."
American Dad!
"and hence, are not made into robots."
American Dad!
"Because the plan gets a little convoluted and a lot crazy."
American Dad!
"the world will be forced to go see..."
American Dad!
"until the end of the tour."
American Dad!
"Questions?"
American Dad!
"The tour ends here? I thought that was a lap pool."
American Dad!
"Mike, you ended the boat tour in my office?"
American Dad!
"Unacceptable. Get over here and fix it!"
American Dad!
"And don't send your 20-year-old stoner son!"
American Dad!
"So you've heard most of my brilliant scheme."
American Dad!
"The place, Hollywood."
American Dad!
"My dream was to make it on the silver screen."
American Dad!
"Make me feel good. Make me feel good."
American Dad!
"Laughed me out of that room and out of that town!"
American Dad!
"So I swore that one day I'd make the whole world cry..."
American Dad!
"Lights!"
American Dad!
"In a world torn apart by war and intolerance..."
American Dad!
"one voice stood out."
American Dad!
"A voice that was inspiring."
American Dad!
"As if it wasn't enough that he was Jewish-"
American Dad!
"It means he'll never not be retarded."
American Dad!
"He was an alcoholic."
American Dad!
"Your puppy has cancer."
American Dad!
"to realize sometimes strength comes to us all."
American Dad!
"Go for inspiration."
American Dad!
"Go for Oscar Gold."
American Dad!
"- Wow. So sad. - Really sad."
American Dad!
"Yes, it's sad. I'm glad you guys got that. And that was just the trailer."
American Dad!
"Imagine seeing the four-hour director's cut."
American Dad!
"People will cry so much they'll cry themselves to death!"
American Dad!
"The film is opening on 500,000 screens..."
American Dad!
"all over the world in just a few minutes."
American Dad!
"With all the crap I'm releasing against it, people will have no choice but to see Oscar Gold."
American Dad!
"And... then... they..."
American Dad!
"will... cry..."
American Dad!
"and die."
American Dad!
"Pie? You can't have any."
American Dad!
"I'm away!"
American Dad!
"Correction. Millions and two."
American Dad!
"- My answer is yes. - Yes to what?"
American Dad!
"Wait! Sexpun, do you still have that ring I gave you?"
American Dad!
"- Great work, Sexpun. - Stan, we have to stop Tearjerker."
American Dad!
"No, it's really them."
American Dad!
"Tearjerker kept a few celebrities alive to do blow with."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
American Dad!
"Smith! He found the one thing people want to see..."
American Dad!
"more than a Holocaust movie about a mentally retarded boy with a cancer-riddled puppy!"
American Dad!
"That's nice, guys."
American Dad!
"Oh, look at the little guy."
American Dad!
"Its dad's A-list and its mom's B-list."
American Dad!
"Really?"
American Dad!
"You'll never catch me!"
American Dad!
"Just climbed right up the ropes, didn't you?"
American Dad!
"I told the contractor retractable ropes..."
American Dad!
"I tell you, when I build my next lair, I'm gonna do a lot of things differently."
American Dad!
"More quicksand, more death beams, and a bench in the shower."
American Dad!
"Face it, Tearjerker. You've jerked your last tear."
American Dad!
"And it's even sadder than Oscar Gold."
American Dad!
"It's six hours of a baby chimp trying to revive its dead mother."
American Dad!
"No. It's awful."
American Dad!
"Clearly these horrible movies are a cover for some diabolical scheme."
American Dad!
"- The world is at stake. - Really?"
American Dad!
"Looks like an ordinary cell phone, yes?"
American Dad!
"McConaughey can't have milk!"
American Dad!
"The robot McConaughey went haywire, sir. He is kaput."
American Dad!
"You're a lunatic with a madman's dream of a milk-proof robot!"
American Dad!
"Thank you for flying out here, Smith."
American Dad!
"I mean, it's cool if you're a whore. But no right now."
American Dad!
"Okay. Baccarat."
American Dad!
"- I'm not familiar with it. - Whoever says the highest number wins."
American Dad!
"So before we have relations, we have to sanctify our union in the eyes of God."
American Dad!
"Now, stay with me here."
American Dad!
"My first audition was for the lead in a little movie called Monster's Ball."
American Dad!
"by making the saddest film of all time!"
American Dad!
"A voice that was strong."
American Dad!
"A voice that was sometimes hard to understand."
American Dad!
"I am sorry to say..."
American Dad!
"What does that mean, Doctor?"
American Dad!
"This holiday season, go for strength."
American Dad!
"Tearjerker, you can't do this. You'll kill millions."
American Dad!
"People worldwide are already crying hysterically."
American Dad!
"Quick! Put it on!"
American Dad!
"He's keeping robots in his dungeon?"
American Dad!
"Stan? Stan? Ho!"
American Dad!
"What's Halle Berry holding?"
American Dad!
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