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Clips from Scrubs - My Boss's Free Haircut (S04E04)

"- Yeah, J.D., what's up? - Oh, sorry, Hooch."
Scrubs
"We were just talking about the movie."
Scrubs
"No biggie. Happens all the time."
Scrubs
"OK, so it was an honest mistake."
Scrubs
"- He doesn't even seem bummed out. - I uplifted his spirits."
Scrubs
"I just came to use the bathroom because she keeps violating the rule."
Scrubs
"She thinks she's exempt from the rule."
Scrubs
"Nobody is exempt from the rule, J.D."
Scrubs
"- What's going on? - We are celebrating your mom's death."
Scrubs
"I mean, your mom's life. We're going to celebrate your dead mom's life."
Scrubs
"Wow! Does it say "dead" anywhere on it?"
Scrubs
"Not anymore."
Scrubs
"I didn't recognize you in scrubs."
Scrubs
"That's OK, Laverne. I didn't recognize you"
Scrubs
"Real nice outfit there."
Scrubs
"Now, where do we keep the sick people?"
Scrubs
"Don't you mean my doctor's great-great-great-great-grandfather?"
Scrubs
"- You're old. - Yeah, I got that."
Scrubs
"Hell, yeah. There's no beer in the fridge."
Scrubs
"We're gonna have to stop and pick up some hooch!"
Scrubs
"- Yeah, Turk? - Sorry, man."
Scrubs
"- I was talking about the beer. - That's no problem, buddy."
Scrubs
"All right!"
Scrubs
"It's a much more common word."
Scrubs
"My bad. Won't happen again."
Scrubs
"It's weird. I want his marriage to work,"
Scrubs
"It's weird. I want to follow him down the hall and crack him over the head,"
Scrubs
"but I'm so drunk right now, I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch."
Scrubs
"My mom turns to the guidance counsellor and she says,"
Scrubs
"- You understood that? - I know when to laugh in any language."
Scrubs
"OK. You know, I was sceptical, but it's been nice reminiscing about my mom."
Scrubs
"Hi, sweet pea, it's Mom. I just called to tell you how much I love you."
Scrubs
"- Oh, my God. - It's J.D.'s old answering machine."
Scrubs
"Hi, Carla. I sure wish you would call me once in a while."
Scrubs
"What other stories do you have about your mom?"
Scrubs
"It seems like you never have time for me anymore. Carla?"
Scrubs
"Carla? Carla? Pick up if you're there..."
Scrubs
"What we are dealing with are venostasis ulcers, mostly because of your weight."
Scrubs
"You figured out I'm fat. You're either a brilliant doctor"
Scrubs
"or every guy I've gone to high school with."
Scrubs
"- I'm suspecting... - Metabolic syndrome?"
Scrubs
"Why am I paying you to tell me things I already figured out on my own?"
Scrubs
"You graduated 12th in your class in 1968."
Scrubs
"- She Googled your ass. - I'm not interested in street lingo."
Scrubs
"I am interested in where she found that magic phone"
Scrubs
"that keeps making me look like an idiot."
Scrubs
"Last summer, we had to choose between stemming a hepatitis C outbreak"
Scrubs
"or going to bartending school."
Scrubs
"I always felt we did the right thing."
Scrubs
"I'm going home and think about what to say to Carla tomorrow."
Scrubs
"I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it. It was our last hurrah."
Scrubs
"Improv that, dog!"
Scrubs
"Stay here and drink for Carla."
Scrubs
"My barber once told me it's important to finish what you've started."
Scrubs
"Of course, sometimes what you've started was clearly the worst idea in the world."
Scrubs
"Damn it, young lady, let me in! This is my hospital!"
Scrubs
"Just trying to keep myself from spending all day in there with her."
Scrubs
"- Such a doll. - You Bob."
Scrubs
"If you end up with a hangover that would slay a walrus, it's worth it."
Scrubs
"Especially if you know your best friend is at brunch saving his marriage."
Scrubs
"Of course you're not. Because in your head, it's all about you, isn't it?"
Scrubs
"Tell Carla it's my fault I kept Turk out all night and he overslept."
Scrubs
"- Why hasn't he called? - I wanted to fix it."
Scrubs
"He wanted to fix it."
Scrubs
"Ask Betty why he's such a girly girl."
Scrubs
"- Not now. - Do it now, do it now. Call her Betty."
Scrubs
"- You're insane. - Betty, Betty, Betty."
Scrubs
"- Betty? - Yeah?"
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, it worked!"
Scrubs
"- When does Turk want to get together? - When does he want to get together?"
Scrubs
"I'm sorry about last night. I explained you overslept."
Scrubs
"I don't know how she jammed this. Can you open that door?"
Scrubs
"You made it up here without passing out or vomiting."
Scrubs
"You open the door?"
Scrubs
"- Well done. - Are you mocking me?"
Scrubs
"Give me this damn screwdriver."
Scrubs
"Hello, young lady."
Scrubs
"I set up an appointment with our nutritionist."
Scrubs
"so I never have to see you in here again."
Scrubs
"But, Ms. Goldman, you're only 25,"
Scrubs
"and considering that any serious surgery has inherent risks,"
Scrubs
"- I really don't... - How are you not getting this?"
Scrubs
"I don't care what you think."
Scrubs
"Carla, I am so sorry about those messages from your mother,"
Scrubs
"- but I'm going to make it up to you. - It's OK, Elliot."
Scrubs
"You can talk to people once they're gone."
Scrubs
"- When did she die? - When I was 11."
Scrubs
"That's what my dad told me."
Scrubs
"Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be."
Scrubs
"Well, you do what you can with what you got."
Scrubs
"First my parents get divorced, now you and Carla."
Scrubs
"Common denominator? J.D."
Scrubs
"I should get cards that say "love destroyer"."
Scrubs
"It's not your fault."
Scrubs
"Don't get me wrong, hanging with you has been nice."
Scrubs
"It was intoxicating. You were hanging with the J. Dizzle."
Scrubs
"I'm sure it felt like a crazy dream."
Scrubs
"With the J. Dizzle, it's hassle-free."
Scrubs
"OK, stop, stop. Maybe that's why I skipped the brunch."
Scrubs
"I just can't help thinking marriage shouldn't be this hard."
Scrubs
"You're my gastric bypass. Any questions?"
Scrubs
"I'll be the one with the mask on."
Scrubs
"That's how easy marriage should be."
Scrubs
"When the hell did patients stop respecting us?"
Scrubs
"I tried to help that young woman,"
Scrubs
"and she rolled over me like Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail."
Scrubs
"Enid was recently paralyzed. I haven't told anyone."
Scrubs
"Anyway, I couldn't handle the patients, so go ahead, take your shots."
Scrubs
"I want to, Bob, I really do."
Scrubs
"and I'm not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt."
Scrubs
"Not even in my private time."
Scrubs
"When I first started out, I could take this old white coat out,"
Scrubs
"Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter"
Scrubs
"and I used that to sleep with all those mothers."
Scrubs
"That's what a house call used to mean."
Scrubs
"Those were the good old, incredibly disturbing days, Bob."
Scrubs
"Today, people think of us as drug-dispensing walking lawsuits"
Scrubs
"who are in fact less informed than their Internet phones."
Scrubs
"So that's what that damn thing was."
Scrubs
"I will tell you one thing, though."
Scrubs
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