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Clips from The Simpsons - Lisa the Beauty Queen (S04E04)

"- You never use it. - Well, I want that one."
The Simpsons
"And the winner of the blimp ride is..."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"[ Whimpers ]"
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"## [ Singing ]"
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"[ Sobbing ]"
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"Honey, what's wrong?"
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"What are you talking about?"
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"- No! You're homely as a mule's butt! - There. See?"
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"[ Sobbing ]"
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"Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?"
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"Not for a second. [ Belches ]"
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"Yeah. I need help."
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"[Together] Whee! Whee!"
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"Whee! Whee!"
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"Whee!"
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"I guess every father thinks his daughter is the cutest."
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"Well, now there's a way to prove it."
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"Wow, President of Laramie Cigarettes, jack Larson!"
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"This year, Laramie is sponsoring..."
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"the Little Miss Springfield Pageant."
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"You see, government regulations prohibit us from advertising on TV."
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"[ Inhales, Exhales ] Ahh."
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"That sweet Carolina smoke."
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"But they can't prohibit us from holding a beauty pageant..."
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"for little girls age seven to nine."
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"Lisa's age seven to nine!"
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"Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host..."
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"Oh!"
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"Sure!"
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"[ Gasps ] Where'd you get all the money?"
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"From some scientist."
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"Since they stopped testing on animals..."
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"a guy like me can really clean up."
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"[ Gulping ]"
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"I'm hideous."
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"Lisa, I know a song that will cheer you up."
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"## [ Singing ]"
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"No, I meant you were one Of the good-looking ducks..."
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"that makes fun of the ugly one."
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"Lisa, if you could have one wish, what would it be?"
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"Was your second wish to be entered in the Little Miss Springfield Pageant?"
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"I couldn't find a big enough photo, so I sent in..."
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"that funny drawing of you on roller skates."
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"How could you? I won't do it!"
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"[ Sobbing ]"
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"Homer, Lisa's already sensitive about her looks."
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"Hubba, hubba! [ Panting ]"
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"[ Howling ]"
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"Well, if I could gouge out somebody else's eyes..."
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"and shove them into my sockets, I would."
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"- But to me, she's beautiful. - That is so sweet."
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"Honey, no one's going to force you to do anything."
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"But do you know how your father got the money to enter you in this pageant?"
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"## [ Singing Sadly]"
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"- Did you see Tina Epstein? - Whoa!"
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"If you're gonna binge, you'd better purge. Uh-oh."
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"- Amber Dempsey. - In the same week..."
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"she was Pork Princess and Little Miss Kosher."
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"Not in Paraguay."
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"There's no way I can beat this girl."
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"She's the Jack Nicklaus Of the pageant circuit."
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"Oh, I don't know that she's as attractive as Jack Nicklaus."
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"I meant because they both win all the time, Mom."
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"Oh. Well, yes. That's what I meant too."
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"I'll take you to the beauty parlor and show you just how lovely you can be."
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"And later, I'll teach you the tricks of the trade--"
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"taping your swimsuit to your butt..."
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"and the ancient art of padding."
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"[ Purring ]"
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"Don't worry. I am well protected."
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"Boy, when Lisa comes in, I want you to make a big fuss over how she looks."
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"No, she won't. When it comes to compliments..."
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"always wanting more, more, more!"
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"And if you give it to 'em, you'll get plenty back in return."
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"- Like what? - I'll tell you when you're older."
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"[ Gasps ] Is that Lisa?"
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"- Dad, you know anything else about women? - Nope, that's it."
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"Hey, brush-head, you've been nursing that thing for an hour."
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"## [ Piano ]"
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"## [ Piano ]"
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"Ooh! Shudder!"
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"- [ Gasps ] - Okay, wipe away a tear."
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"Hug the loser."
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"And now, for your triumphant walk down the runway."
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"It's hopeless!"
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"There's nothin' to it. Give me those heels."
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"Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe. Hmm."
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"Do you really think I can win?"
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"Lise, as your brother..."
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"this is the hardest thing I've every had to say."
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"- You're not ugly. - Oh, Bart!"
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"####[Up-tempo]"
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"[ Talking Over Music ] Out on our own! Making it work!"
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"My name is Amber Dempsey, and when I grow up I want to be a sweetie pie."
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"I am Pahasatira Nahasapeemapetilon..."
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"and tonight I will be playing "Mac Arthur Park" on the tabla."
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"[ Laughing ]"
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"No, I am serious."
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"- [ Grunting ] - [ Laughing ]"
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"Krusty! About time you got here."
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"Yeah, yeah. What is this-- the, uh, Republican fund-raiser?"
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"Checking it out! Hitting the heights!"
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"- [ All ] Me! - ####[Ends]"
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"## [ Singing ]"
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"Oh, that just kept goin', huh?"
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"They'll love you just as much as I do."
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"Thanks, Dad."
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"Mmm."
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"Some people say that to love your country is old-fashioned..."
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"Well, to them I say--"
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"## [ Singing Patriotic Song ]"
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"One, two, three, four! ## [ Singing Rock And Roll Song]"
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"[ Cheering ]"
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"This is my favorite part Of the pageant, because--"
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"What does that say? Oh."
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"Uh, personally."
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"Amber, do you think the Bill of Rights..."
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"is a good thing or a bad thing?"
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"- Um-- - Take your time, dear."
The Simpsons
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