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Clips from The Simpsons - Marge vs. the Monorail (S04E04)

"I-I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant."
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"I like the way Snrub thinks."
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"[ Angry Muttering ]"
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"Pardon me, but I would like to see this money..."
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"spent on more police officers."
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"and as a result, I almost missed work."
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"- Crybaby. - My name is Marge Simpson, and I have an idea."
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"- It may sound a little boring at first. - [Quimby] Chat a way."
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"I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards."
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"Oh. Well, Surely you've all noticed..."
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"the terrible condition Main Street is in."
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"Many of us have destroyed it By leaving winter chains on our tires..."
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"and carrying too much weight."
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"[Marge]And those potholes are becoming a real nuisance."
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"Now hold on just one minute."
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"Sure, we could fix up Main Street."
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"We could put all our eggs in one basket."
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"[ Cheering ]"
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"Shut up! I wasn't done yet."
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"- [ Cheering, Shouting ] - [ Groaning ]"
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"Oh! I ain't fer it. I'm agin it!"
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"All those in favor Of Grampa Simpson's plan..."
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"- for rebuilding Main Street, please-- - [Whistles]"
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"You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with a spinning wheel."
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"No one knows how he got it, and danged if he knows how to use it."
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"- [ Laughter] - [ Chuckles ] Mule."
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"Probably the greatest-- Ah, it's not for you."
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"It's more of a Shelbyville idea."
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"We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville."
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"just tell us your idea, and we'll vote for it."
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"I'll show you my idea."
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"I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook..."
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"and by gum, it put them on the map!"
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"electrified, six-car monorail."
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"- What'd I say? - Monorail!"
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"- That's right, monorail! - [ All ] Monorail. Monorail. Monorail."
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"I hear those things are awfully loud."
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"Is there a chance the track could bend?"
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"You'll be given cushy jobs."
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"Were you sent here by the devil?"
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"No, good sir. I'm on the level."
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"The ring came off my pudding can!"
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"Take my pen knife, my good man."
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"I swear it's Springfield's only choice."
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"Throw up your hands and raise your voice."
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"But Main Street's still all cracked and broken."
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"Monorail!"
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"Mono-- D'oh!"
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"[ Bart, Homer] Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!"
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"- Well, you should have written a song like that guy. - [ Groans ]"
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"Miss Hoover? That is hard to believe."
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"I'm here to answer any questions you children have about the monorail."
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"- Me! - Me!"
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"Can Superman outrun The Flash?"
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"Wondering if your dolly can ride the monorail for free?"
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"Hardly. I'd like you to explain..."
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"why we should build a mass transit system..."
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"in a small town with a centralized population."
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"[ Chuckles ] Young lady..."
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"that's the most intelligent question I've ever been asked."
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"- Really? - Oh, I could give you an answer."
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"But the only ones who'd understand it would be you and me..."
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"and that includes your teacher."
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"[ Giggling ]"
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"Next question. You there, eating the paste."
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"starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus."
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"- to eat you or kiss you. - [ Announcer] Celebrity voice impersonated."
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"- [ Lanley ] Are you stuck in a dead-end job? - Maybe."
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"Are you squandering the precious gift Of life in front of the idiot box?"
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"- What's it to you? - Are you on your third beer of the evening?"
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"Does whiskey count as beer?"
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"Well, maybe it's time you joined the exciting field of monorail conducting..."
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"by enrolling at the Lanley Institute."
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"[ Man ] Actual institute may not match photo."
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"Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor."
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"- Homer, no. - It's my lifelong dream."
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"Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game..."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Good evening."
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"Before we begin, is anyone here an investigative reporter?"
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"- I am, and she is. - Well, I'd like you to please leave."
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"- Should we take our hidden camera? - Would you?"
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"Let's go, Phil."
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"True or false: You can get mono from riding the monorail."
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"Mmm, false. No, wait. Maybe it's true."
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"No, you were right. It's false."
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"- Wow. You really are gonna be a monorail conductor. - That's right, boy."
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"You know, I used to think you were stuck..."
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"in an emasculating, go-nowhere job."
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"- [ Chuckles ] Kids. - But now, I wanna follow in your footsteps."
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"Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior?"
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"The kids can call you Hoju."
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"I'll get back to you."
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"Come on! Keep it comin'!"
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"Over. Over."
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"Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hi, Homer!"
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"Oh, I hate that sound."
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"According to this book, the monorail goes over 1 50 miles an hour."
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"- What if something goes wrong? - What if?"
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"What if I'm taking a shower and I slip on a bar of soap?"
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"Oh, my God, I'd be killed!"
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"It frightens me that you want to work on something that's so unsafe."
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"We monorail conductors are a crazy breed..."
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"half in love with death, gobbling up danger like ordinary men eat peanuts."
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"- Am I turning you on? - No."
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"- What if I undo this button? - Good night, Homer."
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"[ Deep Voice ] What if I talk like this?"
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"What if I sing to you?"
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"####[Homer Singing]"
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"Mmm, chicken. [Smacking Lips]"
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"So then, "mono" means "one,""
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"and "rail" means "rail.""
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"And that concludes our intensive three-week course."
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"Hey, wait, man. Who gets to be conductor?"
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"Oh, right, that. Well, I've been monitoring your progress closely."
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"- Yeah, sure. - Whoo-hoo!"
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"After an exhaustive search, Springfield has found its monorail conductor--"
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"Homer Simpson."
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"And this is the snack holder where I can put my beverage or, if you will, cupcake."
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"Wow, Dad. You really know your monorails."
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