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Clips from Seinfeld - The Virgin (S04E04)

"Well, I don't want a big, flat noodle."
Seinfeld
"- What kind of noodle do you want? - Who says I want a noodle?"
Seinfeld
"Look, Marla, this whole sex thing is totally overrated."
Seinfeld
"Now, the one thing you've gotta be ready for..."
Seinfeld
"...five seconds after it's over."
Seinfeld
"I mean, something happens to their personality."
Seinfeld
"It's really quite astounding. It's like..."
Seinfeld
"...they committed a crime and wanna flee the scene before police get there."
Seinfeld
"- So they just leave? - Yeah. Pretty much, yeah."
Seinfeld
"Well, the smart ones start working on their getaway stories during dinner."
Seinfeld
"It's always about being up early."
Seinfeld
"They all turn into farmers suddenly."
Seinfeld
"It must be really good to put up with all that."
Seinfeld
"The food. What happened to Ping?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, what about this?"
Seinfeld
"I'm in a car accident. The motorist is uninsured."
Seinfeld
"My car's totalled."
Seinfeld
"There is no way that he could pay me."
Seinfeld
"So the judge decrees..."
Seinfeld
"...that he becomes my butler."
Seinfeld
"He cooks my food, cleans my house, does my shopping, there you go."
Seinfeld
"That's your program."
Seinfeld
"- What about me? - Don't worry."
Seinfeld
"We find something for you."
Seinfeld
"Sentenced to be a butler."
Seinfeld
"- Ping, what happened? - There was an accident."
Seinfeld
"Head hurts."
Seinfeld
"Marla and I went out for coffee, and I was crossing the street."
Seinfeld
"He was biking towards me, so I got out of the way in time."
Seinfeld
"Should I call an ambulance? Wanna see a doctor?"
Seinfeld
"The pea pods? All you saved was the pea pods?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey, you got the food? - Yeah, here."
Seinfeld
"Man, what took you so long? Hey, Ping."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Oh, that's too bad."
Seinfeld
"You should slow down. It's dangerous to go that fast."
Seinfeld
"- Yes, you jaywalk. - No, I don't want it."
Seinfeld
"Jaywalker. I can slap a suit on you."
Seinfeld
"A month and a half we had. We did nothing."
Seinfeld
"We put it off until today. We couldn't do anything..."
Seinfeld
"...because Elaine runs to apologize to a virgin..."
Seinfeld
"...crosses against the light and knocks over a Chinese delivery boy."
Seinfeld
"Now we're gonna make fools of ourselves. We got nothing."
Seinfeld
"You're not even in show business. I got a reputation."
Seinfeld
"You know how fast word spreads in show business? Just like that:"
Seinfeld
"One bad impression, you're out of the business!"
Seinfeld
"Let's postpone it. Let's get out of here."
Seinfeld
"What? They know we're here."
Seinfeld
"All right, I'll tell them that my sister died."
Seinfeld
"My poor sister died."
Seinfeld
"That's the kind of a sick city we're living in!"
Seinfeld
"They shoot you for laughing!"
Seinfeld
"- Hey, Jerry. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"How you doing? Nice to see you all."
Seinfeld
"- Hello, Jerry. I'm Rita Kirson. - Oh, nice to meet you."
Seinfeld
"- Where's Russell? - He had to go to L.A."
Seinfeld
"There's a problem on the set at Blossom."
Seinfeld
"Oh, poor Blossom."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, he asked me to sit in for him."
Seinfeld
"- Where's George? - He ran to talk to David Letterman."
Seinfeld
"- David Letterman's on the floor? - Yeah, he just walked by."
Seinfeld
"I think we should get started, anyway."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Good idea."
Seinfeld
"- So how are you guys coming along? - Good. Good."
Seinfeld
"...and they say five minutes for a table, and you wind up..."
Seinfeld
"...waiting there for 30 minutes?"
Seinfeld
"...where all you're doing is waiting for the table."
Seinfeld
"Because we've all been in that situation."
Seinfeld
"...and you bump into somebody you know."
Seinfeld
"We have many others."
Seinfeld
"We have an idea where-"
Seinfeld
"...and the judge sentences him to be my butler."
Seinfeld
"You know, and he cooks. He has to cook for me."
Seinfeld
"And cleans my house..."
Seinfeld
"...and he's doing my shopping, you know."
Seinfeld
"Those collars are funny."
Seinfeld
"You see somebody in one of those, you start laughing immediately."
Seinfeld
"Hey, I'm sorry I'm late."
Seinfeld
"Russell?"
Seinfeld
"- I'm Rita Kirson. - Oh, Rita."
Seinfeld
"Good to see you, Stu and Jay. Always a pleasure. Hi, sweetie."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, yeah, that butler idea, that's beautiful, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"Is that a killer?"
Seinfeld
"We'll find something for you."
Seinfeld
"So Letterman didn't spark to your idea, huh?"
Seinfeld
"He said there was nothing he could do and next time..."
Seinfeld
"...I should probably break the Prozacs in half."
Seinfeld
"Hey, wanna hold it down. I'm watching JEOPARD Y!"
Seinfeld
"Would you give him back the TV?"
Seinfeld
"By the way, Susan called for you a minute ago."
Seinfeld
"Who is Joseph Cotten? Giddyup."
Seinfeld
"- Helo? - Yeah, hi, it's me. It's Georgie boy."
Seinfeld
"I'm fired."
Seinfeld
"Fired, why?"
Seinfeld
"Because you kissed me."
Seinfeld
"You kissed me, you stupid idiot."
Seinfeld
"Rita caled Russel, and he fired me over the phone."
Seinfeld
"What is pi?"
Seinfeld
"But I didn't- I had no idea- I didn't realize."
Seinfeld
"You didn't realize? How could you not realize? You're stupid."
Seinfeld
"You are a stupid, stupid man."
Seinfeld
"I just feel terrible. This is just terrible."
Seinfeld
"Yes, indeed."
Seinfeld
"This is great. He fired her!"
Seinfeld
"- Why'd he fire her? - Because I kissed her in the meeting!"
Seinfeld
"Russell found out. He fired her over the phone!"
Seinfeld
"- Another job? - A couple of interviews."
Seinfeld
"Oh, this is unbelievable."
Seinfeld
"Are you going to want to leave after it's over?"
Seinfeld
"You know, if we have sex."
Seinfeld
"What, leave? Where, why?"
Seinfeld
"You know, the apartment."
Seinfeld
"Who gave you this idea I would wanna leave?"
Seinfeld
"Well, Elaine said men like to leave after it's over."
Seinfeld
"...about relationships. She comes from a broken home."
Seinfeld
"- And what else did you say to her? - Nothing."
Seinfeld
"More like a dope was giving it to her straight."
Seinfeld
"Another cup of coffee with you, she'll wind up in a convent."
Seinfeld
"Listen, there was a lot more I could've told her, believe me."
Seinfeld
"And leaving after sex? Did I leave with you?"
Seinfeld
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