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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - New Captain (S03E03)

I could turn this department around if you'd let me.

"I could turn this department around if you'd let me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do we need to get the costume altered,

"Do we need to get the costume altered,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why are you still playing with that stupid game, Sarge?

"Why are you still playing with that stupid game, Sarge?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I hated him more than any cop I've ever known.

"I hated him more than any cop I've ever known."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's my job.

"That's my job."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, how do you like me now, sucker?

"Yeah, how do you like me now, sucker?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, so everybody knows about us now,

"Hey, so everybody knows about us now,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which means all the rules have been broken

"which means all the rules have been broken"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nothing bad happened?

"Nothing bad happened?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, is this a bad idea?

"Jake, is this a bad idea?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

that we should hit the brakes.

"that we should hit the brakes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hasn't exactly been light and breezy.

"Hasn't exactly been light and breezy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

stressful and death-y.

"stressful and death-y."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You have to admit it hasn't started out great.

"You have to admit it hasn't started out great."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sorry.

"Sorry."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, no, no, no, no!

"No, no, no, no, no!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We kept it light and breezy.

"We kept it light and breezy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

a linen pantsuit,

"a linen pantsuit,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We were just being cautious.

"We were just being cautious."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's what doomed you, not the universe.

"That's what doomed you, not the universe."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ow, I was agreeing with you!

"Ow, I was agreeing with you!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

because shampooing a woman's head

"because shampooing a woman's head"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, no, no shampoo. That's the worst.

"No, no, no shampoo. That's the worst."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But I am gonna go over there.

"But I am gonna go over there."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yes! Go get her.

"Yes! Go get her."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No! Wait till it starts raining.

"No! Wait till it starts raining."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay.

"Okay."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I want to talk about that stuff with is you.

"I want to talk about that stuff with is you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain.

"Captain."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The kids want to know where Paulie the Pigeon is.

"The kids want to know where Paulie the Pigeon is."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Is that all right?

"Is that all right?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of an elementary school bathroom

"of an elementary school bathroom"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- I quit. - No.

"- I quit. - No."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, that was my fragrance line.

"No, that was my fragrance line."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Listen.

"Listen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That is not who you are.

"That is not who you are."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You are a person who will go out there

"You are a person who will go out there"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Community engagement. - Whatever.

"- Community engagement. - Whatever."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Even if the only people listening

"Even if the only people listening"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Inspiring words.

"Inspiring words."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Help me with that pigeon head.

"Help me with that pigeon head."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, all right.

"Yeah, all right."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I didn't do it for him.

"I didn't do it for him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and together, we can do anything.

"and together, we can do anything."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

me telling you to eat my farts,

"me telling you to eat my farts,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So suck it.

"So suck it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

♪ ♪

"♪ ♪"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hello. I'm your new commanding officer,

"Hello. I'm your new commanding officer,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.

"Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Could probably just say it once.

"Could probably just say it once."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well done, sir.

"Well done, sir."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.

"I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I'm not interested.

"And I'm not interested."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I have no use for people.

"I have no use for people."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I find people weird and confusing.

"I find people weird and confusing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I live my life by numbers.

"I live my life by numbers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You see this watch?

"You see this watch?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How many calories do you think I burned

"How many calories do you think I burned"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, uh, three?

"Oh, uh, three?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Three? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

"Three? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Try 0.8, numbnuts.

"Try 0.8, numbnuts."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I have made promises to my superiors

"I have made promises to my superiors"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

that I most certainly cannot keep.

"that I most certainly cannot keep."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, no, strike that. Four times as hard.

"No, no, strike that. Four times as hard."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I need you morons to work eight times harder

"I need you morons to work eight times harder"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So apparently, the new captain survived,

"So apparently, the new captain survived,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and his heart attack... not the craziest thing

"and his heart attack... not the craziest thing"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

that happened at the precinct today.

"that happened at the precinct today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We kissed, like, three hours ago.

"We kissed, like, three hours ago."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Listen.

"Listen."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know you said you don't want to date cops,

"I know you said you don't want to date cops,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but I really like you.

"but I really like you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I like you too.

"I like you too."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Good.

"Good."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and it makes things weird at work?

"and it makes things weird at work?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So let's just keep it light and breezy,

"So let's just keep it light and breezy,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

see where it goes.

"see where it goes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So how do we keep it light and breezy?

"So how do we keep it light and breezy?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know. A comprehensive set of rules.

"I know. A comprehensive set of rules."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How am I attracted to you?

"How am I attracted to you?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Doesn't matter. I am. Go.

"Doesn't matter. I am. Go."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so we can figure out what this is first.

"so we can figure out what this is first."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Smort. Rule number two,

"Smort. Rule number two,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

let's not put labels on it.

"let's not put labels on it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We're not boyfriend and girlfriend;

"We're not boyfriend and girlfriend;"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Great. Rule number three,

"Great. Rule number three,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool...

"Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, totally.

"Yeah, totally."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Briefing room.

"Briefing room."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Five minutes.

"Five minutes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're looking old and sickly.

"You're looking old and sickly."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So nice of you to greet us, Madeline.

"So nice of you to greet us, Madeline."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

in Munchkinland.

"in Munchkinland."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so it's gonna take more than reassigning me

"so it's gonna take more than reassigning me"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll turn this place around just like I did the Nine-Nine.

"I'll turn this place around just like I did the Nine-Nine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Everyone, this is your new commanding officer,

"Everyone, this is your new commanding officer,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Raymond Holt.

"Raymond Holt."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He's going to be with you for a long, long time.

"He's going to be with you for a long, long time."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Thank you, Chief Wuntch.

"Thank you, Chief Wuntch."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

beginning with my eight-point plan for community engagement.

"beginning with my eight-point plan for community engagement."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

until you finish the meaningful work

"until you finish the meaningful work"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Could be a while, Raymond.

"Could be a while, Raymond."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for the NYPD's new pigeon mascot.

"for the NYPD's new pigeon mascot."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, no.

"Oh, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They've been at it for months.

"They've been at it for months."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Holy Moses, he's alive.

"Holy Moses, he's alive."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The doctors have informed me

"The doctors have informed me"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My aortic valve is 16% too narrow,

"My aortic valve is 16% too narrow,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They also informed me that I carry the gene

"They also informed me that I carry the gene"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for webbed feet,

"for webbed feet,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which is interesting, more than anything else.

"which is interesting, more than anything else."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But, uh, when you stare death in the face,

"But, uh, when you stare death in the face,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

namely that I've been wasting too much of my time

"namely that I've been wasting too much of my time"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So that stops now!

"So that stops now!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Say good-bye to the fun, hilarious,

"Say good-bye to the fun, hilarious,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

laid-back Seth Dozerman

"laid-back Seth Dozerman"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What the hell are these?

"What the hell are these?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

These are Dozer-pads.

"These are Dozer-pads."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and a countdown clock to remind you

"and a countdown clock to remind you"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to complete a task every 55 minutes.

"to complete a task every 55 minutes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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