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Clips from Family Guy - Christmas Guy (S12E12)

"♪ It seems today that all you see ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ On which we used to rely?"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a family guy"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ All the things that make us"
Family Guy
"♪ Laugh and cry"
Family Guy
"♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Family Guy 12x08 ♪ Christmas Guy Original Air Date on December 15, 2013"
Family Guy
"We now return to Home Alone with Competent Robbers."
Family Guy
"Hey, be careful. There's cars on the floor here."
Family Guy
"Thanks. That's weird, huh?"
Family Guy
"Yeah. The doorknob was really hot,"
Family Guy
"but I just let go instead of holding onto it."
Family Guy
"And there's some ice on the stairs to the basement,"
Family Guy
"so I guess just don't go down there."
Family Guy
"Just so you guys know, I have a tarantula."
Family Guy
"Well, now there are no witnesses."
Family Guy
"Come on, everybody, let's go to the mall."
Family Guy
"It's time for the Christmas Carnival."
Family Guy
"It's Stewie's first Christmas."
Family Guy
"Again?"
Family Guy
"I love the Christmas Carnival!"
Family Guy
"Chris, calm down."
Family Guy
"You're giving yourself a nosebleed."
Family Guy
"You know, the best thing about the Quahog Mall"
Family Guy
"is going into Tiffany's and doing everything possible"
Family Guy
"to make 'em think I might actually buy something."
Family Guy
"Oh, this is lovely. Just lovely."
Family Guy
"How much is this?"
Family Guy
"$1,200."
Family Guy
"Great, great."
Family Guy
"That's all? A-And how late are you open this evening?"
Family Guy
"Until 7:00."
Family Guy
"Perfect, perfect."
Family Guy
"And you accept credit cards and cash?"
Family Guy
"Yes."
Family Guy
"And what's your name?"
Family Guy
"I want to make sure you get credit for this sale."
Family Guy
"Evan. Oh, that's a great name."
Family Guy
"Oh, and these watches here,"
Family Guy
"if I wanted to get 11 of them for different groomsmen,"
Family Guy
"could they each get engraved individually?"
Family Guy
"Yes."
Family Guy
"And you do that on site? Yes."
Family Guy
"Fantastic. Now, the groomsmen's names are Blake, Hayden, Edgar,"
Family Guy
"Blake D., Elliott, Milo, Cooper..."
Family Guy
"Why aren't you writing any of these down?"
Family Guy
"You're wearing Sbarro wrappers for shoes, sir."
Family Guy
"There may have been a trade."
Family Guy
"Hey, nice outfit."
Family Guy
"Fancy pair of shoes, too."
Family Guy
"Do you, do you only use adjectives sarcastically?"
Family Guy
"Great question, smart guy."
Family Guy
"What the hell? Where's all the decorations?"
Family Guy
"And the big Christmas tree?"
Family Guy
"Oh, look, there's Santa."
Family Guy
"Peter, no."
Family Guy
"That's a Hells Angel."
Family Guy
"What do you want?"
Family Guy
"Meth?"
Family Guy
"Okay."
Family Guy
"There's no Christmas Carnival, Dad."
Family Guy
"You seem to know a lot about this, Meg."
Family Guy
"What did you do?"
Family Guy
"No Christmas Carnival?"
Family Guy
"Whoever is responsible for this"
Family Guy
"shall suffer my eternal wrath."
Family Guy
"Who's this guy?"
Family Guy
"Tough don't sell in curly-toed shoes."
Family Guy
"Leave me alone."
Family Guy
"Why don't you go bother the cologne salesman at Macy's?"
Family Guy
"I want something I can wear on the street"
Family Guy
"that a broad can smell on a fire escape."
Family Guy
"There's gotta be an explanation for this."
Family Guy
"Let's ask that security guard"
Family Guy
"who has everything on his belt except a gun."
Family Guy
"E-Excuse me, sir?"
Family Guy
"It's officer."
Family Guy
"No, it's not. It's barely sir."
Family Guy
"Yeah, I know."
Family Guy
"Where is the Christmas Carnival?"
Family Guy
"Canceled. I don't know why."
Family Guy
"I'm just a small cog in this operation."
Family Guy
"You hear that, Dad?"
Family Guy
"You're not the only one around here with a small cog."
Family Guy
"I told you that in confidence, Chris."
Family Guy
"Daddy, where's Santa?"
Family Guy
"Was he killed by Muslims?"
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, poor Stewie."
Family Guy
"He's so disappointed."
Family Guy
"Of course he is, Lois. I feel the same way."
Family Guy
"How come every time I'm feelin' happy,"
Family Guy
"somebody's gotta come along and ruin it?"
Family Guy
"Are you enjoying your coffee, sir?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, it's very smooth. Good flavor."
Family Guy
"What if we told you that we secretly replaced your coffee"
Family Guy
"with Folgers Crystals?"
Family Guy
"Wouldn't you feel like a dumbass?"
Family Guy
"'Cause of how you just raved about it just now?"
Family Guy
"You stupid son of a bitch."
Family Guy
"Boy, Stewie was really upset"
Family Guy
"about the Christmas Carnival being canceled."
Family Guy
"He's been acting out all week."
Family Guy
"Ah, I'm sure he'll be over it in no time."
Family Guy
"Besides, how much trouble can he cause? He's a baby."
Family Guy
"We now return to Miracle on 134th Street."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, I left my phone in my car."
Family Guy
"Wow, it's still there."
Family Guy
"Hey, I've been askin' around about this carnival thing."
Family Guy
"Turns out I know a guy who knows a guy"
Family Guy
"who knows another guy who knows a girl,"
Family Guy
"which is weird because they don't usually know nothin',"
Family Guy
"who says the carnival was canceled by the mall's owner,"
Family Guy
"some guy named Carter Pewterschmidt."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God."
Family Guy
"So I got another guy workin' on findin' out who that is."
Family Guy
"It's my father."
Family Guy
"Oh! This is a twist I did not expect."
Family Guy
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