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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stakeout (S01E01)

"- I made a mistake. - These things happen."
Seinfeld
"- I'm human. - In your way."
Seinfeld
"Let's see, that's one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR, a computer."
Seinfeld
"- Is that about it? - The answering machine."
Seinfeld
"Answering machine."
Seinfeld
"Boy, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls."
Seinfeld
"What do you mean?"
Seinfeld
"It's a joke."
Seinfeld
"I see."
Seinfeld
"Well, Mr. Seinfeld, we'll look into it. We'll let you know if we find anything."
Seinfeld
"- Do you ever find anything? - No."
Seinfeld
"- Well, thanks anyway. - You bet."
Seinfeld
"I didn't get that joke either."
Seinfeld
"The crook has the machine. The messages aren't for him..."
Seinfeld
"...he's the crook."
Seinfeld
"Why would he answer...?"
Seinfeld
"How did you get in here?"
Seinfeld
"I walked in. Your lobby door is broken again."
Seinfeld
"Again?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know how you put up with this."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. Tell him, George. - Thanks."
Seinfeld
"You would still wanna move in here?"
Seinfeld
"Yes. You don't understand."
Seinfeld
"I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent."
Seinfeld
"Is that other apartment still available?"
Seinfeld
"I got ripped off for about the..."
Seinfeld
"...eighteenth time."
Seinfeld
"The first couple of times you go through it, it's very upsetting."
Seinfeld
"Your first reaction, or one of your friends, will say:"
Seinfeld
"Call the police. You really should call the police."
Seinfeld
"So you think to yourself, you know, you watch TV, you think:"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I'm calling the police. Stakeouts, manhunts."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna see some real action."
Seinfeld
"Right? You think that."
Seinfeld
"So the police come over to your house."
Seinfeld
"They fill out the report."
Seinfeld
"They give you your copy."
Seinfeld
"Now, unless they give the crook his copy..."
Seinfeld
"...I don't really think we're gonna crack this case. Do you?"
Seinfeld
"It's not like Batman, where there's three crooks in the city..."
Seinfeld
"...and everybody pretty much knows who they are."
Seinfeld
"Very few crooks go to the trouble..."
Seinfeld
"...to come up with a theme for their careers anymore."
Seinfeld
"It makes them a lot tougher to spot."
Seinfeld
"Did you lose a Sony? It could be The Penguin."
Seinfeld
"I think we can round him up."
Seinfeld
"He's dressed like a penguin."
Seinfeld
"We can find him. He's a penguin."
Seinfeld
"Well, come on."
Seinfeld
"This is an apartment. This is a home."
Seinfeld
"This is a place to live."
Seinfeld
"A fireplace!"
Seinfeld
"Are you kidding me? Does this work?"
Seinfeld
"I didn't know there was a fireplace. A fireplace! That's incredible."
Seinfeld
"- How do you get all that wood in here? - They deliver."
Seinfeld
"- They deliver wood? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"What do you tip a wood guy?"
Seinfeld
"- I didn't know there was a fireplace. - Look. Look, look at this."
Seinfeld
"- There's a garden. - A garden?"
Seinfeld
"I can't believe there's a garden."
Seinfeld
"- Would I have to get a gardener? - Yeah, you can get a gardener."
Seinfeld
"- You tip him? - You can."
Seinfeld
"You don't tip a gardener."
Seinfeld
"- You can tip a gardener. - You don't need a gardener."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, you can barbecue back here."
Seinfeld
"They deliver the coal?"
Seinfeld
"Sure. It's probably the same guy who delivers the wood."
Seinfeld
"Oh, then I gotta tip him."
Seinfeld
"Oh, man, this place is incredible."
Seinfeld
"Look at all this great light."
Seinfeld
"- I don't have any plants. - I have plants."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, look at this closet."
Seinfeld
"Look at this. I'm walking in it. It's a walk-in."
Seinfeld
"Can you believe it? I'm nuts about this. What do you think?"
Seinfeld
"I like that."
Seinfeld
"- What do you think, George? - It's your decision."
Seinfeld
"I'm taking it. I'm taking the place. I'm gonna take it."
Seinfeld
"This is gonna be my new place. I'm living here."
Seinfeld
"- I'm moving. - You're moving?"
Seinfeld
"That means I'm moving."
Seinfeld
"Gee, is that incredible?"
Seinfeld
"Congratulations."
Seinfeld
"- What about the couch? - You like the couch?"
Seinfeld
"- Tell you what I'm gonna do. - What?"
Seinfeld
"You're moving in, you're a good friend. I wanna start you off on the right foot."
Seinfeld
"Give me..."
Seinfeld
"...a hundred and fifty dollars."
Seinfeld
"- In fact, get it out of here right now. - Excuse me."
Seinfeld
"A hundred and fifty dollars? For what? For this couch?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - For this couch?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, you tell me. What is it worth?"
Seinfeld
"Okay..."
Seinfeld
"I tell you what."
Seinfeld
"I could go as high as..."
Seinfeld
"I don't know. Maybe..."
Seinfeld
"...twenty dollars?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - Yeah, it's George."
Seinfeld
"Come on up."
Seinfeld
"Forget it, I'm gonna take it with me. I'll just pack up the cushions..."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Okay, you win. $40."
Seinfeld
"You wanna help me get it in the hall?"
Seinfeld
"- Fifty dollars, okay? Is that all right? - Fifty dollars?"
Seinfeld
"- Thank you very much. - Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
"Hey. What's going on?"
Seinfeld
"I just bought Jerry's couch for $50."
Seinfeld
"So did you bring the lease?"
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"Gee, three years. That kind of seems like a long time."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Listen, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all..."
Seinfeld
"...do not feel like you have to take it."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - If you're having second thoughts..."
Seinfeld
"...if you didn't want it..."
Seinfeld
"...don't worry about it, because, you know, I..."
Seinfeld
"I could take it."
Seinfeld
"You could take it? You want it?"
Seinfeld
"No, I don't want it. I want it if you don't want it."
Seinfeld
"So you do want it."
Seinfeld
"I want it if you don't want it."
Seinfeld
"- You just said you wanted it. - No, I'm saying if a situation arose..."
Seinfeld
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