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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stakeout (S01E01)

"...in which you didn't want it, I might take it."
Seinfeld
"- So take it. - How can I take it?"
Seinfeld
"- How can I take it? - It's your apartment."
Seinfeld
"How can I want it now, if you want it?"
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. I don't mean to cause any trouble..."
Seinfeld
"...but, George, if you take it, can I take your place?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, but I am not taking it."
Seinfeld
"I am not taking it."
Seinfeld
"Well, one of you better damn well take it."
Seinfeld
"- Well, what do you wanna do here? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"You wanna flip a coin?"
Seinfeld
"Who flips?"
Seinfeld
"- You flip, I'll call. - Okay, fine."
Seinfeld
"- All right. All right. - This is the official flip."
Seinfeld
"No crying, no guilt. Winner takes all and that's it. Agreed?"
Seinfeld
"- I'm good. - I don't know who to root for."
Seinfeld
"George's place has carpeting."
Seinfeld
"- All right. Now, you call it in the air. - No catching."
Seinfeld
"- No, no. - All right, flip it."
Seinfeld
"Heads!"
Seinfeld
"- Tails. - No, it hit the table."
Seinfeld
"- So what? - Interference. You can't count that."
Seinfeld
"Come on, are you crazy? The coin cannot touch anything."
Seinfeld
"- It affects it. - You didn't call no interference."
Seinfeld
"You don't have to call it. That's a rule!"
Seinfeld
"- I don't believe this. - All right. Fine, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"- You win. Take it, just take it. - I don't wanna win it like this."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, what do you think?"
Seinfeld
"I better not."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you what, I'll choose you for it."
Seinfeld
"Straight choose, three takes it. No disputes."
Seinfeld
"That's it. You gotta win three."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"I'll choose you."
Seinfeld
"- What do you want? - Odds."
Seinfeld
"- I want evens. - Good."
Seinfeld
"- You got odds. - You got evens."
Seinfeld
"Right."
Seinfeld
"- Ready. - For the apartment."
Seinfeld
"- Once, twice, three, shoot! - Mine!"
Seinfeld
"- Once, twice, three, shoot. - Mine!"
Seinfeld
"- Once, twice, three, shoot! - Mine!"
Seinfeld
"Once, twice, three, shoot!"
Seinfeld
"Congratulations."
Seinfeld
"- Congratulations. - Thanks."
Seinfeld
"I'm just gonna wash..."
Seinfeld
"Why did I put out two? Why did I put out two?!"
Seinfeld
"Jerry? I think I'm on to something."
Seinfeld
"I think I found your stuff."
Seinfeld
"You know the Englishman who lives down the hall?"
Seinfeld
"The last couple days, he's been acting very strange."
Seinfeld
"- I think he's avoiding me. - Hard to imagine."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, and get this. I just got off the elevator with him and I tested him."
Seinfeld
"I tested him, like, this is what I said, like this. I went:"
Seinfeld
"Oh, by the way, I know about the stuff."
Seinfeld
"You know, very casual so he'll take me into his confidence."
Seinfeld
"- So, what did he say? - What stuff?"
Seinfeld
"- Case closed. - No, no. You don't understand."
Seinfeld
"See, he swallowed. See, the guy, he swallowed."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he was nervous about something."
Seinfeld
"Now, I'm gonna go over there. I'm gonna borrow some tea."
Seinfeld
"If I don't get back in five minutes, you better call the police."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Starting now!"
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"One problem in life is..."
Seinfeld
"...as a kid, you have a certain way of working out disagreements."
Seinfeld
"And those laws do not work in the adult world."
Seinfeld
"One of the main ways that kids resolve any dispute is by calling it."
Seinfeld
"One of them says, I got the front seat. I wanted it. I called it."
Seinfeld
"And the other kid knows he's got nothing to say."
Seinfeld
"He called it. What can I do?"
Seinfeld
"If there was a kid court of law, it holds up."
Seinfeld
"Your Honour, my client did ask for the front seat."
Seinfeld
"And the judge would go, Did he call it?"
Seinfeld
"Well, no, he didn't call it. Bang. He has to call it. Case closed."
Seinfeld
"Objection overruled."
Seinfeld
"I love the mirror in that bathroom."
Seinfeld
"I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror."
Seinfeld
"I don't know if it's the tile or the lighting."
Seinfeld
"I feel like Robert Wagner in there."
Seinfeld
"It's a good mirror."
Seinfeld
"- What are you getting? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"What can you eat? You can't have anything anymore."
Seinfeld
"Look at this, look at this. Eggs, out. Coffee, out."
Seinfeld
"French fries, out. BLT, out."
Seinfeld
"I visit my grandparents, they're eating big brisket sandwiches."
Seinfeld
"I'm sitting there with a carrot."
Seinfeld
"They're closing in on 100, I'm saying to them, How can you eat that stuff?"
Seinfeld
"I'm so sick about losing that choose. You don't know. I..."
Seinfeld
"All right. Forget it. Forget it. I'm not taking the place."
Seinfeld
"- What? - How can I live there?"
Seinfeld
"- Why not? - You're still thinking about it."
Seinfeld
"- I'll never feel comfortable. - Oh, get out of here."
Seinfeld
"How can I ever have you over? You'll sit there moping."
Seinfeld
"- I won't mope. - You're already moping."
Seinfeld
"- Would you take the place? - No. Impossible. It's your apartment."
Seinfeld
"- You found the place. - You won the choose."
Seinfeld
"All right. Forget it. I'm not moving."
Seinfeld
"Well, me neither."
Seinfeld
"- Definitely? - Definitely."
Seinfeld
"All right, then, just get rid of it. You won't have any problem."
Seinfeld
"No, it's not a problem. I can get rid of the apartment this afternoon."
Seinfeld
"What apartment?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's a great place. It's a two-bedroom..."
Seinfeld
"...West 83rd, half-block from the park."
Seinfeld
"What's the rent?"
Seinfeld
"I hate housewarmings. What are we doing here? This is ridiculous."
Seinfeld
"She wanted to thank us for the apartment."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe I lost the deposit on that U-Haul..."
Seinfeld
"...and I threw out my couch."
Seinfeld
"- If only the coin hadn't hit the table. - The table is interference, you know it."
Seinfeld
"- It is not. - It is too."
Seinfeld
"My roommate starts rehearsal tonight on Carousel."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Oh, hi, Carol."
Seinfeld
"I just wanted to introduce you to my husband. This is Larry."
Seinfeld
"This is George, Elaine and Jerry."
Seinfeld
"These are the guys who got us the apartment."
Seinfeld
"You don't know how grateful I am."
Seinfeld
"If there's anything I can do to repay you..."
Seinfeld
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