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Clips from Central Park - Dog Spray Afternoon (S01E01)

"It's all arranged. He's coming,"
Central Park
"and he will wreak havoc on that park beyond what anyone can imagine."
Central Park
"Of course, I can imagine it, because I hired him."
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"-Do you know what they call him? -What's that?"
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"The one-man tag team."
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"-I don't get it. -Graffiti? Tag?"
Central Park
"You don't know slang?"
Central Park
"Yep. How'd you hire him without getting your hands dirty?"
Central Park
"How does anyone hire anyone these days?"
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"Cutouts, blind drops, a few careful money exchanges on the dark web,"
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"throw in a gift certificate, and the best part is,"
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"thanks to my relationship with the owner of The Dispatch,"
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"they've promised to run huge headlines about this out-of-control graffiti story."
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"New Yorkers will be outraged, and I'll step in to clean up the mess."
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"They're going to call it a plague."
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"-You like that? That was me. -I mean, it works."
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"It's time for bed. White noise, please."
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"Too white. Ocean, please."
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"A graffiti plague in the park, what?"
Central Park
"Bitsy's being a real Buttsy."
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"You're asking: Why don't I just tell Owen and Paige what Bitsy's up to?"
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"Well, I can't, because it's forbidden."
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"You see, there's rules to being a narrator..."
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"But the most important is that one. It's kind of the grandmama of all the rules."
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"You can't tell someone in the story anything about where the story is going."
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"Even if you know some juicy stuff."
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"There's so much I want to say But I can't interfere"
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"And, boy, the plot's about to get good Or will it?"
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"In just a few The story will shift into gear"
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"I can't say how But wow, if I could, I'd spill it"
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"Still, it's a secret And I should keep it"
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"So I won't spoil it But I can bleep it"
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"Spoiler alert"
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"Bleep's gonna bleep And bleep will start bleeping"
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"Spoiler alert"
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"Bleep and bleep, bleep And then the plots deepen"
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"Of course There's a bleep when they bleep"
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"And sorry, I don't mean to blurt"
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"But bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep Will bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep and so"
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"Spoiler alert"
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"I bleeped myself, so I didn't give anything away because I bleeped."
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"So good job, me."
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"The guy with the paint's gonna-- Whoops, I can't say"
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"And Owen will soo-- No, can't tell ya, but hey"
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"Family's destiny comes into play"
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"Which leads to-- Well, let me just put it this way"
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"Spoiler alert"
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"La, la, la, la Try this, you won't hear it"
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"Spoiler alert!"
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"It's-- Never mind And there goes the rhyme scheme"
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"But trust me, it's truly delish I wish I could dish all the dirt"
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"Too late, anyhow 'Cause the story starts now"
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"And so"
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"Spoiler alert"
Central Park
"You're not gonna hear this guy squawking about no-no stuff 'cause I need this job."
Central Park
"I have a very limited set of skills. I don't even know Excel."
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"I don't want to get replaced by some other schmuck."
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"Hi, how are you? Hello."
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"-I'm tired, okay? -Oh, yeah, you look tired."
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"-What? -But beautiful. Also beautiful. And young."
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"You try having two kids and a full-time job."
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"I do?"
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"I was up all night researching Mayor Whitebottom."
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"I know he's dirty. I can practically taste the dirt."
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"-There's an image. -Well, I'm a writer."
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"Remember the mayor gave Paige that weird, kind of ominous quote"
Central Park
"about the Park League, about how "We think we can do better"?"
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"Vague. Scary. Excitement."
Central Park
"The mayor completely self-financed his campaign by unloading real estate."
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"So, I looked into the public records of real estate sales..."
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"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
Central Park
"...and each one was just under three million dollars."
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"-Do you know why I think that is? -Tell us."
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"Because in New York, any real estate sale over three million"
Central Park
"triggers an automatic money laundering investigation."
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"Someone doesn't want the public to know they're giving the mayor money."
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"Here it is."
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"She's about to put it together. It's gonna get intense."
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"-Okay, so, who is it? -No clue."
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"What? Come on!"
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"Okay, okay."
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"So Paige hasn't quite figured out who owns Mayor Whitney Whitebottom,"
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"but she'll get there."
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"-Owen? -Go ahead, Elwood."
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"-Owen, it's Elwood. -Yeah, no, I know."
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"-Your employee. -Yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"You might wanna come see the Bethesda Fountain."
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"We got a graffiti situation."
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"The fountain?"
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"Big cement tub with water coming out of it? I think so."
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"Not the Bethesda. The taggers know better."
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"-Oh, God. All right, I'll be right there. -A new tag? I'll go with you."
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"Molly, please, do not be interested in graffiti. It's a scourge."
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"I have a passing interest at best."
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"-Cool. -Cool."
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"Cool."
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"But tagging is not cool. And this fountain thing seems bad."
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"Real bad. So, so bad."
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"Such a heinous crime."
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"-This is why they have the death penalty. -All right, too much."
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"Yes?"
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"Mrs. Brandenham called to go over some of her estate papers."
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"Really? I wonder why she didn't tell me you were coming."
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"I'm Helen. Seen that name on any documents?"
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"Yes? No? You're not giving me much."
Central Park
"Bitsy, your estate lawyer is here to do estate stuff, I assume."
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"And apropos of nothing, not even sure why it comes to mind,"
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"I fluffed all the pillows and alphabetized your pills."
Central Park
"Actually, Helen, I'm glad you're here."
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"And I'm glad to be here."
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"Let go of me. Why are you talking that way?"
Central Park
"I need you to take Shampagne for an hour."
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"And do what with him?"
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"Shampagne's mood hasn't improved."
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"His therapist is suggesting a radical new treatment called outdoor movement therapy."
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"So, walks?"
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"Can't we just hire another dog wa-- outdoor movement therapist?"
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"The last time a stranger took him out of this hotel, I nearly lost him forever!"
Central Park
"By the way, you've been sending that idiot a box of bees every day, right?"
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"-Yep, yep. -Also, the dog therapist sent me a collar."
Central Park
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