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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stand-In (S05E05)

"- What? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"He said you could never make a commitment..."
Seinfeld
"...and you'd just wind up hurting me."
Seinfeld
"He said that?"
Seinfeld
"What a nerve."
Seinfeld
"How dare he say something like that."
Seinfeld
"- Is it true? - Of course not."
Seinfeld
"I mean, sure, there may have been one or two occasions in the past..."
Seinfeld
"...when I may have reacted..."
Seinfeld
"...in an impulsive or somewhat immature manner..."
Seinfeld
"...but those days are well behind me."
Seinfeld
"How long are you gonna be away for, Daddy?"
Seinfeld
"I'm not really going away."
Seinfeld
"I told you, I'll be back every other weekend."
Seinfeld
"Don't go, Daddy. Don't go."
Seinfeld
"Now, Porter..."
Seinfeld
"...you know your mother and I love you very much..."
Seinfeld
"...but..."
Seinfeld
"...sometimes people fall out of love."
Seinfeld
"Now, give me a big hug."
Seinfeld
"And there's your scene."
Seinfeld
"- Stand-ins? - Yo."
Seinfeld
"All right, you guys. Get on their spots. We gotta fix the lights."
Seinfeld
"That's good work."
Seinfeld
"All right. Ready."
Seinfeld
"How long you gonna be away for, Daddy?"
Seinfeld
"I'm not really going away."
Seinfeld
"I told you I'd be back every other weekend."
Seinfeld
"Don't go, Daddy. Don't go."
Seinfeld
"Now, listen, Porter."
Seinfeld
"You know your mother and I love you very much..."
Seinfeld
"...but sometimes people fall out of love."
Seinfeld
"Now, give me a big hug."
Seinfeld
"All right. Kramer."
Seinfeld
"Kramer."
Seinfeld
"Okay, that's lunch, everybody. One hour."
Seinfeld
"- How do those lifts feel? - Quiet."
Seinfeld
"- Hi, guys. - Hey, Tammy."
Seinfeld
"You look different."
Seinfeld
"- Have you been working out? - Not that I know of."
Seinfeld
"Whatever it is, keep doing it. You look great."
Seinfeld
"- How about lunch? - Oh, I can't today..."
Seinfeld
"...but I see it in our future."
Seinfeld
"- See you, Kramer. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Bye, Mickey."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, she likes you, buddy. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- All of a sudden. - What?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, Mick."
Seinfeld
"- How you doing, Johnny? - What gives? What's going on?"
Seinfeld
"- You going out with Tammy? - Maybe."
Seinfeld
"What's it to you?"
Seinfeld
"There's something different about you."
Seinfeld
"- I got my hair cut, that's all. - No, that's not it. Something else."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. You look different."
Seinfeld
"You don't. You got the same ugly mug you had since the day I met you."
Seinfeld
"I don't know what it is, but I'll find out."
Seinfeld
"I'll find out."
Seinfeld
"Don't believe him."
Seinfeld
"So she's just sitting there, and then Pachyderm-"
Seinfeld
"You remember the 'Derm. He says, "I'm gonna go up to her.""
Seinfeld
"So he picks up the two pieces of pizza and..."
Seinfeld
"And they're steaming hot."
Seinfeld
"They're burning his hands, so he's juggling."
Seinfeld
"He's throwing them in the air."
Seinfeld
"And just as he gets up to her, down they go."
Seinfeld
"Well, we all just lost it."
Seinfeld
"It was really, really funny."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, Jerry. - Hey, Phil. How you doing?"
Seinfeld
"- You look terrific. - I got my health."
Seinfeld
"Well, that's the most important thing."
Seinfeld
"Hey, how you doing, Fulton?"
Seinfeld
"Octane, butane, night train!"
Seinfeld
"- How's he doing? - He could use a couple laughs."
Seinfeld
"You should've told the story about Pachyderm dropping the pizza."
Seinfeld
"I told it. Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Hey, you know what? As I was leaving, I saw Phil Tatola."
Seinfeld
"He is one of the greatest guys."
Seinfeld
"- Do I know him? - No. But of all the guys I know..."
Seinfeld
"...I could envision you going out with him."
Seinfeld
"If you were a woman, would you go out with him?"
Seinfeld
"If I was a woman, I'd be at the dock waiting for the fleet to come in."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I bet you would. All right, give him my number."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"This, you're not gonna believe."
Seinfeld
"Al Nechy, that pimple..."
Seinfeld
"...tells Daphne- Now, get this."
Seinfeld
"- Not to get involved with me."
Seinfeld
"- What? - Yeah. That's what she told me."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - He's afraid that she's gonna get hurt."
Seinfeld
"- Is she? - Of course."
Seinfeld
"- So? - What? He doesn't have to tell her."
Seinfeld
"- Maybe he likes her. - Oh, no, no. He's deeply in love."
Seinfeld
"I was about to break up with her when she told me."
Seinfeld
"- So, what are you gonna do? - I can't break up with her now."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - Because he said I was going to."
Seinfeld
"So now you're gonna keep going out with her for spite?"
Seinfeld
"- Yes. I am. - Yeah, I could see that."
Seinfeld
"- I don't see any way around it. - Me either."
Seinfeld
"- What choice do I have? - None."
Seinfeld
"Fulton's wife told me it's all my fault."
Seinfeld
"She said since my visit, he's taken a turn for the worse."
Seinfeld
"- Did you tell him the Pachyderm story? - Yeah, I told him the Pachyderm story."
Seinfeld
"Maybe I'll go over there."
Seinfeld
"- Towards what end? - I'm very good with sick people."
Seinfeld
"They love me."
Seinfeld
"When my friend Len Nickidimo had gout..."
Seinfeld
"...I was in his hospital room for three days."
Seinfeld
"The doctors were amazed at his recovery."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey, Mick."
Seinfeld
"Johnny Viggiano went through my locker."
Seinfeld
"That little bastard."
Seinfeld
"He saw the lifts in my shoes."
Seinfeld
"He knows I'm heightening."
Seinfeld
"This never would've happened if you didn't push me to get those."
Seinfeld
"- I told you. - Nobody put a gun to your head."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Just keep out of my business, you big ape."
Seinfeld
"Who you calling "big ape"?"
Seinfeld
"I'm calling you an ape."
Seinfeld
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