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Clips from Archer - Archer: 1999 -- Dining with the Zarglorp (S10E10)

"You're not close to anyone because you don't care."
Archer
"You don't even bother to listen to people,"
Archer
"especially me."
Archer
"That's not true, Lana."
Archer
"I just listened to that entire sentence,"
Archer
"and it was excruciating."
Archer
"Up top."
Archer
"Holy shitsnacks."
Archer
"These must be the suicidal crew members"
Archer
"Price was talking about."
Archer
"LANA: Uh, you ever hear about someone committing suicide"
Archer
"by bludgeoning themselves in the back of the head?"
Archer
"Hey, the blast charges!"
Archer
"LANA: Weren't you listening when Price said"
Archer
"not to set those charges off?"
Archer
"I actually wasn't. What did she say?"
Archer
"LANA: Not to."
Archer
"Don't make things worse than they already are."
Archer
"Worse? We're in a monster's colon."
Archer
"We'll be safe here behind this big fleshy..."
Archer
"What is this, a tumor?"
Archer
"Aw, poor guy."
Archer
"Okay, now get back to the ship."
Archer
"Hey, what's that?"
Archer
"LANA: Ugh. Some sort of parasites"
Archer
"that live in this thing's digestive system."
Archer
"PAM: Yeah, I get those sometimes"
Archer
"if I've been nosing through the trash."
Archer
"-(screeching) -LANA: Ugh."
Archer
"Remember me saying something about"
Archer
"not wanting things to get worse?"
Archer
"(chuckles) I actually was listening then."
Archer
"Will you shut up and help me think of a plan?"
Archer
"ARCHER: She said, while both talking"
Archer
"and not coming up with a plan."
Archer
"-LANA: Archer... -ARCHER: Wait. I just came up with a plan."
Archer
"It's kind of complex."
Archer
"Run!"
Archer
"(all screaming)"
Archer
"(creatures shrieking)"
Archer
"I sliced the Florglap right in his face"
Archer
"and I never looked back."
Archer
"And because of my heroism,"
Archer
"they made a holiday in my honor."
Archer
"I mean, not a bank holiday, but still."
Archer
"Wow, what a rewarding life."
Archer
"So, tell me about your life, Cyril."
Archer
"Oh, me? (scoffs)"
Archer
"I've had a rough go of it. You don't want to hear it."
Archer
"Son, nothing matters to me more."
Archer
"A captain cares about her crew more than herself."
Archer
"That's the captain's code."
Archer
"Well, okay, if it's the captain's code."
Archer
"Uh, I guess it all started when I was about five."
Archer
"I never wanted to be a fighter pilot."
Archer
"I wanted to work in fashion."
Archer
"Wouldn't that be a sight to see?"
Archer
"Totally. You see these outfits we're wearing, right?"
Archer
"Who came up with this?"
Archer
"Does anybody's ass look good in a flight suit?"
Archer
"-No! -Well, you know,"
Archer
"I have some friends in the design world."
Archer
"Hey! I just had a great idea."
Archer
"-You know what we should do? -Yes! We should rob them!"
Archer
"No! We should fly down"
Archer
"into that monster to get Sterling, then..."
Archer
"I love it! You and me can be space pirates!"
Archer
"With my fighter pilot skills and your "zerp-zerp" thing,"
Archer
"-we could run this galaxy! -(sighs)"
Archer
"Ooh, let's plan our pirate outfits!"
Archer
"(crying): And it turns out"
Archer
"everyone did know it was my birthday"
Archer
"and they skipped it just to hurt my feelings."
Archer
"To this day, I've never got to play spin the bottle!"
Archer
"Wow. Life, she is a bitch."
Archer
"But you know what people say?"
Archer
"When things seem darkest..."
Archer
"What, Captain?"
Archer
"Kill yourself."
Archer
"KRIEGER: Oh, my dear boy,"
Archer
"look at you."
Archer
"You're an exact replica of me."
Archer
"Though that hairline could use a little work."
Archer
"M-more power!"
Archer
"-Shh, okay, okay. -More, more, more..."
Archer
"-(machine whirring) -(shouts)"
Archer
"-(pop) -(machine whirrs down)"
Archer
"(rustling)"
Archer
"Oh, no, I've killed him!"
Archer
"(sobbing): Oh, God, no!"
Archer
"Son, I didn't mean to kill you."
Archer
"(distorted): M-murder!"
Archer
"-Murderer! -No, no, shh!"
Archer
"-Murderer! Murderer! -No, no, shut up, shut up. No, no, no, you're fine."
Archer
"-Murderer! -You're fine. You're alive! Shh, shh, shh!"
Archer
"-You are mur... -No, no!"
Archer
"I am not a murderer,"
Archer
"you stupid head!"
Archer
"Figured out the power problem!"
Archer
"PRICE: Okay, now,"
Archer
"the rabbit goes around the tree"
Archer
"and back into the hole."
Archer
"Is the dehydrated milk up here somew..."
Archer
"The hell are you doing?"
Archer
"-Killing myself. -Why, other than the obvious?"
Archer
"Well, sometimes killing ourselves"
Archer
"is the most noble thing we can do for our fellow survivors."
Archer
"Have you ever thought about it?"
Archer
"Okay, nope, get that thing off your neck."
Archer
"Uh-oh."
Archer
"You know what we have on our hands here, Cyril?"
Archer
"A dirty mutineer."
Archer
"(gulps)"
Archer
"(shrieking, growling)"
Archer
"CYRIL: "And finally, to my crewmates:"
Archer
""I regret leaving this world so early,"
Archer
"but I shall see you in the next." Good?"
Archer
"Then maybe something like, um, "All my love, Cyril."
Archer
"P.S.: Please eat me.""
Archer
"-Hmm. Yeah. -(muffled shouting)"
Archer
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