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Clips from Archer - Archer: 1999 -- Dining with the Zarglorp (S10E10)

"they killed themselves."
Archer
"-LANA: Wow. -CYRIL: Cheesy Petes."
Archer
"Captain, I am so sorry to hear that."
Archer
"Me too. We lived in our own little utopia."
Archer
"(inhales shakily)"
Archer
"They were my best friends."
Archer
"Best friends? But they work for you."
Archer
"Anyhow, then, as they died, we'd eat them."
Archer
"Smart."
Archer
"Unfortunately, there's no way out of here."
Archer
"We'll slowly be digested over the next hundred years or so."
Archer
"A hundred years? That's, like, forever."
Archer
"-Nobody lives that long, idiot. -You definitely won't"
Archer
"if you don't keep your mouth shut."
Archer
"(grunts)"
Archer
"All right, calm down. We aren't spending the rest of our lives"
Archer
"in some space prawn's shit factory. Krieger, figure out"
Archer
"why there's no power to the boosters and fix it."
Archer
"-KRIEGER: Yep, yep, yep. -Ray,"
Archer
"fix anything damaged in the crash."
Archer
"Pam, Lana, and I will go back to the Tristan"
Archer
"and collect anything that might help us get out of here."
Archer
"Cyril, I guess just keep being useless."
Archer
"-Captain? -What do you need?"
Archer
"I want to help you all get to safety,"
Archer
"like when I rescued the Vantaurians"
Archer
"from that ELE on Vantaur Five,"
Archer
"then used all my money"
Archer
"to get them all universal health care."
Archer
"That's insurance that is accepted"
Archer
"throughout the universe."
Archer
"Wow, what a goddamn saint you are."
Archer
"Do you have any blast charges on your ship?"
Archer
"Yes, but do not use them, because..."
Archer
"Great. Okay, Pam, this is crucial."
Archer
"Once we're out there, look for anything we can use"
Archer
"to make me a drink."
Archer
"We're in the middle of a space creature's stomach."
Archer
"There's always something that can be a mixer, Lana."
Archer
"I made a drink once out of Barbicide and hair gel."
Archer
"It's called a Moscow Mousse."
Archer
"Well, it seems like you all"
Archer
"have this situation under control."
Archer
"Under control? We're currently food."
Archer
"Well, you know me."
Archer
"Always "glass half full.""
Archer
"* Ta-ta."
Archer
"including that kick-ass purse"
Archer
"that has metal studs on the bottom"
Archer
"so it doesn't touch gross restaurant floors."
Archer
"Con. (sighs) I'm gonna have to keep doing"
Archer
"stupid fighter pilot missions, and they're so boring"
Archer
"'cause I'm so good."
Archer
"MALORY (on comms): Pro: I'm here."
Archer
"Is that you, voice in my head?"
Archer
"You sound so much older. And drunker."
Archer
"Look at the screen, you glue-eating pinhead."
Archer
"Oh! I've seen this show! With the mean lady!"
Archer
"-Um... Matlock! -Listen to me."
Archer
"We have to fly down into that monster this instant."
Archer
"For my purse? I know, right?"
Archer
"It matches literally everything."
Archer
"No, you clod. To pick up Sterling,"
Archer
"then get the hell out of here."
Archer
"Mm, no, thanks."
Archer
"What do you mean, "No, thanks"?"
Archer
"I'm probably just better off leaving"
Archer
"and starting a new life."
Archer
"Hey, you want to come?"
Archer
"-Gals' trip! -Absolutely not!"
Archer
"Now listen to me. We are flying back down there and..."
Archer
"You're not my space supervisor!"
Archer
"(groans)"
Archer
"ARCHER: All right, Cyril, while we're gone,"
Archer
"keep Captain Price company."
Archer
"She's been through a lot."
Archer
"Maybe you'll learn a thing or two from her."
Archer
"Oh, from the woman who got her ship eaten"
Archer
"and her whole crew killed?"
Archer
"That's still more than you've ever accomplished, Cyril."
Archer
"Keep her company."
Archer
"(door hisses)"
Archer
"Cyril, right? Come over here."
Archer
"Sit down. Let's have a chat, just you and I."
Archer
"Would you like to hear the story"
Archer
"of how I saved the Drang population"
Archer
"after the Great Flood of the Mupak Valley?"
Archer
"You know what? Yes, I would."
Archer
"Screw it, if we're dying in here,"
Archer
"I'm gonna go ahead and finish that cake."
Archer
"I mean, I don't even care."
Archer
"-Krieger? -(gasps) Still looking for the source of the power loss."
Archer
"Seems like it's been getting sucked all night."
Archer
"Space phrasing. All right, find it and fix it."
Archer
"Once this thing pukes us out,"
Archer
"we're gonna need those boosters to get out of this galaxy."
Archer
"Don't worry, my child."
Archer
"Daddy's here."
Archer
"(hoarsely) More..."
Archer
"power."
Archer
"(machine whirring)"
Archer
"LANA: What was that bullshit back there with Cyril?"
Archer
""Keep Captain Price company"?"
Archer
"Since when do you care about other people's feelings?"
Archer
"Well, unlike you, Lana, I have empathy."
Archer
"Oh, wait. Uh, sympathy?"
Archer
"I think it's "symphony.""
Archer
"I can put myself in Price's shoes, okay?"
Archer
"I know I'm gonna be the last survivor,"
Archer
"resorting to cannibalism."
Archer
"Stuck here to die alone, literally eating dicks."
Archer
"Oh, come on."
Archer
"Or, you know, whatever Pam has."
Archer
"I hesitate to call that thing a dick."
Archer
"It's more like a garbage claw."
Archer
"LANA: Oh, pfft. Give me a break."
Archer
"You don't want to die alone?"
Archer
"You were always gonna die alone."
Archer
"ARCHER: What's that supposed to mean?"
Archer
"LANA: Archer, be honest."
Archer
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