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Clips from Silicon Valley - Two in the Box (S03E03)

"Well, Richard, according to all of your test results,"
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"you are what we in the medical field call"
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"healthy."
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"In fact, you've got kind of a glow about you."
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"- Oh, really? - Absolutely."
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"You know, if it were medically possible,"
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"I might even think that you were pregnant."
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"Of course, I thought my girlfriend was pregnant,"
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"and I was sure wrong about that."
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"Whoops! Hey, give me that ring back!"
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"Oh, what a mess."
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"What a mess that was."
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"So, been any big changes for you,"
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"diet or exercise?"
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"Well, I actually got fired"
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"as CEO of my company."
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"I'm working now as the CTO"
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"under the new CEO, Jack Barker."
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"Wait a minute. You got a boss at your own company?"
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"Yeah, I know that sounds bad,"
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"but honestly, he handles all the budgeting,"
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"all the VC funding."
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"He just negotiated a great new lease"
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"on our new offices."
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"I don't know. I think this could be great for me."
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"Boy, I don't think I could have another doctor"
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"coming in here, being my boss."
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"No. It'd be like, "Hey, boss,"
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""is it okay if I listen to his heart?"
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""Can I do that? Oh, no? Sorry."
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""No, I won't. Okay."
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"Whatever you say!""
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"- Ah, funny. - It is funny. Yeah."
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"But listen, if it works for you, that's great."
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"Just one more thing."
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"I've gotta check your testicles."
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"Oh my God. Okay."
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"What, for like a hernia or something?"
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"No. I just wanna make sure they're still there."
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"Oh, wow. This is going to be our office?"
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"All of this?"
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"Yeah, Jack said we have the whole floor."
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"Wow, look at that kitchen. This is great."
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"Richard, is that our new logo?"
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"I like it. It's clean and elegant,"
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"but not without some danger."
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"Gentlemen, welcome."
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"I moved away from the flute-playing guy."
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"I don't know if you guys realized it, but that was a little phallic."
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"I didn't want to waste your time with it, so I just pulled the trigger."
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"Mari Sheibley did this."
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"Oh. Mari Sheibley."
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"That must've set you back a bit."
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"No. She's a friend."
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"Yeah. I know her... as well."
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"Casually."
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"So, why don't I show you guys your new home?"
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"Hopefully, it lives up to your standards."
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"Yeah, compared to the shit shack we're used to,"
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"anything's an improvement."
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"Ah, an insult born of respect."
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"I'll worry when we start complimenting each other."
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"Fucking dick."
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"I assume you saw Hiroki"
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"putting in the water feature."
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"Good feng shui. Gotta have that."
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"This is the engineering area."
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"We're gonna work here?"
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"That is a separate, professionally-catered"
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"micro-kitchen back there."
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"I want you hungry here, never here."
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"This is all great, but can we really afford all this?"
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"Hey, step into my office, Richard."
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"- Here. - Okay."
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"I wanna show you something."
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"This is way better than Erlich's shithole."
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""The Conjoined Triangles of Success"?"
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"I invented that,"
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"and now it's taught at business schools."
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"You see what's on the bottom here?"
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"The foundation of the whole thing."
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"- Growth? - Growth."
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"The more brilliant people we can get working here,"
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"then the faster we can get whatever is in your head out into the world."
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"Let me tell you a story."
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"In 1999,"
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"Google was a little startup, just like we are."
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"And when they started bringing in chefs and masseuses,"
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"we thought, "They're nuts!""
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"But they were attracting the best possible people,"
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"and they were able to create the best product,"
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"and now they're worth over $400 billion."
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"And do you know the name of that company?"
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"Google, right? You said it at the beginning of the story."
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"You're right. I did that wrong."
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"And the whole point is"
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"that all of this is a sound investment"
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"as long as we are able to get the best people"
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"and make the best possible product."
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"All right. Winner gets the big monitor."
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"I understand how this works."
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"Ready?"
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"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot."
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"Suck it."
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"I should've known you'd throw rock."
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"That's all you know in Pakistan. It's in your blood."
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"Don't you guys call it "Rock, Rock, Rock"?"
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"That's funny. You should type up all your racist jokes"
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"- on your tiny monitor. - Is that monitor not big enough?"
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"You need a bigger monitor?"
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"You just put it on the list over there,"
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"and our purchasing guy will hook you up."
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"- Seriously? - Absolutely."
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"Hey, Jared, how about you? You need any new gear for the office?"
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"No, I'm BYOC."
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"Let me know if you need anything."
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"Richard, do you think it'd be okay if I took this box?"
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"I'm moving out of Noah's guest house after work."
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"And you want to sleep in that box?"
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"No."
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