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Clips from Lucifer - Manly Whatnots (S01E01)

"Chlamydia, the clap, raging case of crabs--"
Lucifer
"that's what you deserve, not death."
Lucifer
"(chuckles softly): And you..."
Lucifer
"...how are you any better?"
Lucifer
"Why do humans think"
Lucifer
"they can rectify one evil with another?"
Lucifer
"(chuckles): I mean, it's clearly the first time"
Lucifer
"this reptile has truly loved a woman,"
Lucifer
"and this is his reward?"
Lucifer
"KEVIN: Get away from her!"
Lucifer
"(grunts, coughs)"
Lucifer
"(gasps)"
Lucifer
"Oh, God."
Lucifer
"- I'm sorry. - Sorry?"
Lucifer
"Please don't hurt me."
Lucifer
"(sobbing)"
Lucifer
"Why does everyone say that"
Lucifer
"before they're punished?"
Lucifer
"Don't kill me!"
Lucifer
"Lucifer."
Lucifer
"Don't move."
Lucifer
"LUCIFER: Detective, you should leave."
Lucifer
"Who are you?"
Lucifer
"(Lindsay crying)"
Lucifer
"What are you?"
Lucifer
"CHLOE: Did you do this?"
Lucifer
"I've been trying to tell you, I'm the Devil."
Lucifer
"(panting)"
Lucifer
"That's... that's not possible."
Lucifer
"I assure you, Detective, it is."
Lucifer
"I mean, you've said yourself,"
Lucifer
"there are things you can't explain."
Lucifer
"You need more proof? You've got the gun. Come on, shoot me."
Lucifer
"No. I can't shoot you."
Lucifer
"Sure you can. Go on, give her a squeeze, we'll be good to go."
Lucifer
"- No. - Just shoot me, Detective!"
Lucifer
"Please! Because maybe you'll finally realize..."
Lucifer
"(casing clatters on floor)"
Lucifer
"Good for you!"
Lucifer
"See?"
Lucifer
"Hardly hurts."
Lucifer
"(distant sirens wailing) I can't believe..."
Lucifer
"Gah. Actually, no, it's hurting a little bit."
Lucifer
"It's... Gah! It's hurting a lot."
Lucifer
"Son of a bitch, that really hurts!"
Lucifer
"(sirens wailing, tires screeching)"
Lucifer
"I'm bleeding."
Lucifer
"- You're bleeding. - I'm bleeding."
Lucifer
"Oh, crap, of course you're bleeding."
Lucifer
"(indistinct police radio chatter)"
Lucifer
"God, what have I done?"
Lucifer
"I don't... I don't bleed. It's... (grunts)"
Lucifer
"Lucifer,"
Lucifer
"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
Lucifer
"What does this mean?"
Lucifer
"Well, it means I shot you."
Lucifer
"And I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry."
Lucifer
"And I'm in so much trouble."
Lucifer
"Ah! It really hurts!"
Lucifer
"(panting)"
Lucifer
"(indistinct talking)"
Lucifer
"What's happening to me?"
Lucifer
"(siren wails)"
Lucifer
"(indistinct chatter)"
Lucifer
"(talking indistinctly)"
Lucifer
"(talking indistinctly)"
Lucifer
"(talking, laughing)"
Lucifer
"Well, speak of the devil."
Lucifer
"Mr. Morningstar here was just telling me"
Lucifer
"everything you did in there."
Lucifer
"Right. Well, Lieutenant..."
Lucifer
"LUCIFER: I was just telling your boss if you hadn't acted"
Lucifer
"in the way that you did, then,"
Lucifer
"well, all hell would've broke loose."
Lucifer
"Isn't that right?"
Lucifer
"Right."
Lucifer
"Mm."
Lucifer
"Absolutely. And, um..."
Lucifer
"But you caught the bad guys; that's the main thing."
Lucifer
"OLIVIA: Again, I'm sorry that you got caught"
Lucifer
"in the crossfire, Mr. Morningstar."
Lucifer
"Oh, it's just a graze. I hardly felt it."
Lucifer
"(chuckles)"
Lucifer
"And call me Lucifer."
Lucifer
"Lucifer."
Lucifer
"(Olivia chuckles)"
Lucifer
"Thank you again for all of your help."
Lucifer
"You are so welcome."
Lucifer
"Bye, now. (chuckles)"
Lucifer
"I thought you didn't lie."
Lucifer
"I don't."
Lucifer
"But I don't always tell the whole truth. (chuckles)"
Lucifer
"Thank you."
Lucifer
"You're welcome."
Lucifer
"Come on, I'll drive you home."
Lucifer
"I should bloody hope so, now you've crippled me."
Lucifer
"Wuss."
Lucifer
"(chuckles)"
Lucifer
"Thanks, Julia."
Lucifer
"Have a good night. Drive safe."
Lucifer
"Mommy!"
Lucifer
"(chuckles): Hey!"
Lucifer
"What are you doing up?"
Lucifer
"Can't sleep when you're not home."
Lucifer
"Come on, I'll tuck you in."
Lucifer
"What's that on your shirt?"
Lucifer
"Oh. Um, that's, uh... that's ketchup from lunch."
Lucifer
"Nuh-uh. That's blood, Mom."
Lucifer
"Right. You're right."
Lucifer
"Well, um... I may have hit someone..."
Lucifer
"with a bullet."
Lucifer
"You shot someone? Again?"
Lucifer
"Barely."
Lucifer
"Who?"
Lucifer
"It was Lucifer."
Lucifer
"- Is he okay? - He's fine."
Lucifer
"It was nothing."
Lucifer
"It was, like, a little graze."
Lucifer
"Okay."
Lucifer
"What, babe?"
Lucifer
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