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Clips from Silicon Valley - Bad Money (S02E02)

"This is a good buy-out."
Silicon Valley
"It's way better than what Gavin offered before."
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"And our packages include nice salaries, cash earn-outs,"
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"stock in Hooli,"
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"which vests after only four years of working there."
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"I mean, this seems like a pretty good deal, right?"
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"Hooli? You really think we'd go work for Hooli?"
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"What the fuck is wrong with you, Richard?"
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"What other options do we have?"
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"We need serious funding"
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"to go up against Nucleus,"
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"and we don't have that."
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"- So, listen-- - I will listen"
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"to the sound of you chortling on my balls."
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"- Okay. - Richard,"
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"I'm an independent businessman."
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"Emphasis on Independent."
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"And Business."
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"And Man, come to think of it."
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"Count me out."
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"Actually, you're not being offered employment at Hooli."
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"They give you a full buy-out."
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"How big?"
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"Okay, maybe I'm not explaining this right."
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"I mean, when you hear Gavin Belson say it,"
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"it sounds much clearer."
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"He saying, rather than put us out of business,"
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"he'd prefer to just take us and make us part of his, um,"
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"Hoo--"
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"Okay, that does sound bad."
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"But you just had to be there, okay? He's very articulate."
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"Richard, you didn't leave your drink"
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"unattended around Gavin, did you?"
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"Yeah, you don't sound like yourself."
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"I'm fine. And for what it's worth,"
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"Monica thinks this is the right thing for us to do."
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"What?"
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"You told Monica about this before you told us?"
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"I don't know, Gilfoyle."
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"I guess I thought Monica"
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"would actually give this rational thought"
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"as opposed to ordering me to chortle her balls."
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"Guys, Richard's right."
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"It's a pretty good deal, all things considered,"
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"and Richard, I'd understand if you took it."
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"Thank you, Jared."
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"But Hooli was like an abusive spouse to me."
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"You know, like that guy who married Julia Roberts"
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"in Sleeping With The Enemy?"
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"It was dehumanizing."
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"But then, you, Richard, you pulled me out of the life"
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"and you gave me hope and you gave me a sense of self-worth."
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"Like Richard Gere did"
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"to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman."
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"This is weird."
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"Every day here has been like that shopping-spree scene."
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"- I'm putting on hats. - Okay."
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"Julia Roberts aside,"
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"are you guys saying that you'd rather me let Pied Piper die?"
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"'Cause that's what's going to happen if we don't take this deal."
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"Face it, Gavin has us cornered."
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"He has you cornered."
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"Yeah, we can just go work on our apps."
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"Sorry, I'm not going to go work for Hooli."
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"Same for me, except for the part about being sorry."
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"And this buy-out sucks. I'll have nothing to do with it."
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"If you're going to go at this one,"
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"it sounds like you're going to have to go at it alone, hoss."
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"Okay, so if I go to Hooli,"
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"you don't want your check?"
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"Of course I want my check. What are you, insane?"
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"But I think it's important for me to show my dissatisfaction"
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"by walking out on you."
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"Richard, I'd understand if you took it,"
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"but watching you end up over there would break my heart."
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"What, like Julia Roberts"
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"from My Best Friend's Wedding?"
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"I never saw it."
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"Richard Hendricks."
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"What's happening?"
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"Russ Hanneman. True pleasure to meet you."
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"Oh, yeah, I think I recognize you from TV."
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"Yeah, you do."
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"Uh, how do you know who I am?"
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"Good question. No reason I would."
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"But I watched your whole TechCrunch thing online,"
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"twice."
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"That whole spazz thing you did--"
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"that was fucking priceless."
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"So I called the Pied Piper number,"
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"and somebody said you were heading over to Hooli."
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"The guy sounded like he was either Chinese or retarded."
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"Uh, Jian-Yang."
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"Yeah, I don't know what that means."
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"You know, Richard, back before I blew up,"
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"I got fucked with, too."
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"You think you're the first guy to take this ride?"
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"You're hot, you're sued,"
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"then the guy suing you offers you a buy-out, am I right?"
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"Wow, yeah, actually you're exactly right."
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"That's what's happening."
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"Like my ride?"
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"They don't make it in this color. They did it just for me."
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"Guys in this town don't have the balls to drive a car like this."
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"They're billionaires and they drive fuckin' Priuses."
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"Why?"
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"I think mainly, uh, just environmental concerns."
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"They're all lemmings, Richard. Everyone in this town is."
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"- Just look at them-- lemming, lemming. - Okay."
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"I scratched my car."
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"Must be the rivet in my pants. These are cool pants, too."
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"Fuck, that's a deep scratch. That will not buff out."
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"Motherfucker! Fuck it."
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"Let me ask you a question, Richard."
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"- Have you ever had beef? - Like, with someone, like fighting?"
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"- No, the food. - Oh, yeah."
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"No, you haven't. Get in."
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"- Okay. - Giddy up!"
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"- You in? -Almost."
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"- Let's do this, Richard. - Okay."
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