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Clips from Arrested Development - Best Man for the Gob (S01E01)

"It was like you knew every side effect I was going through at that time."
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"- Sadly, Teamocil has been discontinued. - Oh."
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"The sense of wellness it created in relationships..."
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"was merely the first sign of complete pituitary shutdown."
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"- Excuse me? Are you, uh... Hi. I'm Michael. - Hi."
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"- I'm Gob's brother. - Yes. He told me all about you."
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"- You have a terrific voice. - I smell olives!"
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"And Michael, as per Gob's request..."
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"tried to convince his wife that Gob was unreliable."
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"So, Gob is late. But I guess that's who you married."
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"He's probably out trying to do something very important."
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"Are you hitting on me? Gob said that would happen."
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"Hey, Gob. It's a good thing you're not staying married to this girl."
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"You've got her hating me... at least your version of me, which is actually you."
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"Well, I talked to Dad, and he thinks that I should stay in it."
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"Stay in the marriage? You're not letting Dad lead you around by the nose again, are you?"
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"Think about it. I've got the marriage and none of the good parts."
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"It's like, so far it's been all chain and no ball."
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"- Sure. - So, we'll have a ceremony and a bachelor party."
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"A bachelor party? You want one now? Come on."
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"- You're not giving your best man a whole lot of prep time. - Dad can handle it."
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"- Dad? - Yeah. You know."
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"He's a fun guy, and..."
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"- I'm making him my best man. - You're making Dad your best man. That's great."
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"I guess being your brother..."
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"and solving all your problems for you doesn't qualify me as your best man."
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"Hey. If he wants to support me, I'm not gonna tell him to go to hell."
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"- Don't worry. You're still... - What? Invited?"
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"No, I was gonna say you're still the guy I want solving my problems, but, yeah..."
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"Let me talk to Dad about that invite situation."
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"The next day, Gob visited his father..."
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"to prepare for his bachelor party."
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"You know, I really think that you're gonna like this woman."
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"Well, she's costing me enough, but she's... oh, she's a hell of a stripper."
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"- No, I mean my wife. - Oh."
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"Well, l... I doubt that very much."
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"Well, I can tell you that Michael was pretty upset that you wanted to be best man."
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"- Don't worry about Michael. - Yeah, my bachelor party's about having fun, right?"
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"No, no. Your bachelor party's about convincing Gilligan that he's killed a stripper..."
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"getting him out of town so he can't testify..."
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"and making sure that people think that he took the money."
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"- It is? - Yeah."
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"This accountant can do us a lot of damage. I want him neutralized. Do you hear me?"
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"That's why I want you to use this stripper... a narcoleptic, believe it or not."
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"A friend of mine at the yacht club, he used her for his bachelor party."
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"We wanted you to have the first piece!"
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"You put her in a darkened space, she's out."
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"You get him drunk. He passes out."
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"Then you cover the floor with corn syrup, mixed with a little red dye."
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"He comes to. Eee! Blood! Aaah! He freaks out."
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"Okay. But how do you know that he's gonna leave the country?"
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"That's why I got you those honeymoon tickets. You never thanked me for those."
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"I'm sorry. I meant to. I was gonna..."
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"You just have to convince him that this happened."
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"- That he killed a stripper? - Can you do this?"
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"Can I trust you? You're not gonna go all Michael on me, are ya?"
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"Nobody's turning all Michael on you."
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"But when you get out, then we're gonna have a real party. Right, Dad?"
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"Are you kidding? When I get out of here..."
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"you're gonna throw me the biggest party this town's ever seen."
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"All right?"
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"Back at the model home..."
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"Stop! It is not Zanotab."
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"Well, maybe if I was allowed to have a Zanotab, I'd remember it's Euphorazine."
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"No. We are not going to do that again. This family is not about to start using."
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"We are pushers, not takers."
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"Okay. Once more, from the bridge."
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"What is that noise?"
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"We don't need the wood block."
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"No, I just thought I would join in on the fun."
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"I mean, you guys are always talking about, you know, family and loving and..."
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"having good times in the circle..."
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"You know what? This isn't working."
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"Maybe I'm just gonna go off and rehearse with Maeby alone."
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"Oh, fine. Then I'll rehearse with Maeby after dinner."
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"No! This is wholesome, family fun, okay?"
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"Let's take it from loose stool! One, two and a..."
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"What is that in your mouth? Is that a Euphorazine?"
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"Lindsay, spit it out! That's not real happiness!"
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"- Well, it's better than what we've got now. - Lindsay, spit it out!"
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"And Michael arrived home..."
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"determined to prove that he was, in fact, fun."
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"I just booked us a little fishing trip."
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"- But why? What did I do? - Hmm? No, no. This is a fun thing!"
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"Okay? Something I've always wanted to do with you."
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"Everybody's always having fun around here. Why can't we?"
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"Already down! Get your finger out of my throat! It's down!"
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"- Anyway, I thought you hated fishing. - No, it's fun. I like fun."
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"I just hated doing it with my dad. This is gonna be you and me. Okay?"
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"We get to stay at a hotel, get up at 4:00 a.m., slap on the old seasick patch."
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"We're gonna get out there on the choppy ocean. We're gonna catch ourselves a little lunch."
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"Oh, we get to eat it?"
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"After we gut it."
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"Yes."
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"While the Bluth boys contemplated having fun..."
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"Lucille had a request for Gob's bachelor party."
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"- Why do I have to bring him? - Because Buster's your brother..."
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"and I'm not gonna leave him home alone with all this J-U-l-C-E around."
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"I can spell, Mom. You spelled juice."
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"Oh, you're so brilliant. Let's see you find it."
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"Besides, I'm going to Annyong's soccer award ceremony..."
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"Annyong."
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"And I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are."
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"And I don't need the other soccer moms knowing how old my first batch of kids are."
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"- Yeah, I think they're gonna know that Annyong's... - Annyong."
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"Would somebody please tell this insufferable child to..."
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"God!"
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"And so, as Michael and his son..."
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"checked into the hotel, his brothers arrived."
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"- What are you guys doing here? - Oh, we're having Gob's bachelor party."
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"You're not going? Even Dad's coming... Via satellite."
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"Uh, no. I'm gonna go fishing with my son here. We're gonna go have some fun."
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"Real fun. Okay? Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood."
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"Why do you guys have buckets ofblood?"
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"It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye."
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"- Juice. - We have unlimited juice?"
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"This party is gonna be off the hook."
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"Meanwhile, at the wellness convention in the very same hotel..."
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"Dr. F¸nke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution..."
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"was preparing for their show."
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