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Clips from Seinfeld - The Opposite (S05E05)

"All over my Kathie Lee Casuals."
Seinfeld
"We'll be right back in a moment."
Seinfeld
"- So it's over? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- It got pretty nasty. - What did you go back for, Jujyfruit?"
Seinfeld
"It's not like I went across the street. I bought them and got in a cab."
Seinfeld
"Why didn't you eat it in the cab?"
Seinfeld
"Because I got popcorn too. I ate that first."
Seinfeld
"- What is all this? - I played cards last night."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? How'd you do? - Broke even."
Seinfeld
"- You always break even. - Like yesterday, I lost a job..."
Seinfeld
"...and then I got another one."
Seinfeld
"Then I missed a TV show, and later on they reran it."
Seinfeld
"Today I missed a train, went outside and caught a bus."
Seinfeld
"It never fails. I always even out."
Seinfeld
"- Give me 20 bucks. - What for?"
Seinfeld
"Just give me 20 bucks."
Seinfeld
"What the hell was that?"
Seinfeld
"Let's see if you get the 20 bucks back."
Seinfeld
"You could've thrown a pencil out the window..."
Seinfeld
"...and seen if that comes back."
Seinfeld
"Things were going so good for me. I got the job promotion."
Seinfeld
"We were talking about moving in together."
Seinfeld
"Maybe next time someone's in a car accident..."
Seinfeld
"...you won't stop off for candy first."
Seinfeld
"Hey, I just found $20."
Seinfeld
"I tell you this, something is happening in my life."
Seinfeld
"I did this opposite thing last night."
Seinfeld
"Up was down, black was white, good was-"
Seinfeld
"- Bad? - Day was-"
Seinfeld
"- Night. - Yes."
Seinfeld
"- So you did the opposite of everything. - Yes."
Seinfeld
"And listen to this. Her uncle works for the Yankees..."
Seinfeld
"...and is getting me a job interview."
Seinfeld
"A front office kind of thing. Assistant to the traveling secretary."
Seinfeld
"A job with the New York Yankees!"
Seinfeld
"This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child."
Seinfeld
"It's all happening because I'm completely ignoring..."
Seinfeld
"...every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had."
Seinfeld
"This is no longer just some crazy notion. Elaine, Jerry..."
Seinfeld
"...this is my religion."
Seinfeld
"Well, I guess your messiah would be the Antichrist."
Seinfeld
"That's funny. Come on. Let's go."
Seinfeld
"Elaine. Look, a 20."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my God."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, boss. - Kramer, come in."
Seinfeld
"How you doing there, big guy?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. Yeah. Have a seat. - Alrighty."
Seinfeld
"You got yourself a cold?"
Seinfeld
"Well, that's quite a honk."
Seinfeld
"- Thank you. - Get yourself some vitamin C..."
Seinfeld
"...with rose hips and bioflavonoids."
Seinfeld
"The reason I asked you in here is I caught your appearance..."
Seinfeld
"- ... on Regis and Kathie Lee. - It was pretty good."
Seinfeld
"And anyway..."
Seinfeld
"...the thinking here is that it would be best..."
Seinfeld
"...if you didn't do any more of these shows."
Seinfeld
"- Because of the coffee thing? - Kramer, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"What about Sonya Live? You're not canceling Sonya Live."
Seinfeld
"- It's out- - She's a doctor. I got a thing for her."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you tell me about some of your previous work experience."
Seinfeld
"Alrighty."
Seinfeld
"My last job was in publishing."
Seinfeld
"I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman."
Seinfeld
"- Go on. - All right. Well, before that..."
Seinfeld
"...I was in real estate. I quit because my boss..."
Seinfeld
"...wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was a-"
Seinfeld
"Do you talk to everybody like this?"
Seinfeld
"- Of course. - My niece told me you were different."
Seinfeld
"I am different, yeah."
Seinfeld
"I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite..."
Seinfeld
"...of every applicant we've seen."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Steinbrenner, sir."
Seinfeld
"There's someone here I'd like you to meet."
Seinfeld
"This is Mr. Costanza. He's one of the applicants."
Seinfeld
"Nice to meet you."
Seinfeld
"Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect..."
Seinfeld
"...I find it hard to see the logic behind some of the moves..."
Seinfeld
"...you have made with this fine organization."
Seinfeld
"In the past 20 years, you have caused myself and the city of New York..."
Seinfeld
"...a good deal of distress, as we have watched you..."
Seinfeld
"...take our beloved Yankees and reduce them..."
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"...to a laughingstock, all for the glorification..."
Seinfeld
"...of your massive ego."
Seinfeld
"Hire this man."
Seinfeld
"- Tina Robbins is here to see you. - Who's that?"
Seinfeld
"My ex-roommate. She moved out four years ago."
Seinfeld
"I've been subletting my apartment from her."
Seinfeld
"- See you. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Please."
Seinfeld
"- Hi, Tina. - Hi, Elaine."
Seinfeld
"So I haven't seen you in a while."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, we have a problem."
Seinfeld
"- Well, what is it? - You're getting kicked out."
Seinfeld
"Kicked out? Why?"
Seinfeld
"- There's been a number of complaints. - Yeah? Like what?"
Seinfeld
"Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief."
Seinfeld
"I didn't know who he was."
Seinfeld
"That's why there's a buzzer."
Seinfeld
"- What else? - Apparently, the week after that..."
Seinfeld
"...you buzzed up some Jehovah's Witnesses..."
Seinfeld
"...and they couldn't get them out."
Seinfeld
"- What else you got? - Well, let's see."
Seinfeld
"I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is."
Seinfeld
"If you're going out with someone your size..."
Seinfeld
"...right there, you double your wardrobe."
Seinfeld
"- I suppose. - Oh, come on."
Seinfeld
"That's a huge feature. When they approach a new recruit..."
Seinfeld
"...I'm sure that's one of the big selling points."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry. - Yes."
Seinfeld
"I've been doing a lot of thinking."
Seinfeld
"I don't think we should see each other anymore."
Seinfeld
"That's okay."
Seinfeld
"- What? - It's fine. No problem."
Seinfeld
"- I'll meet somebody else. - You will?"
Seinfeld
"Sure. See, things always even out for me."
Seinfeld
"It's fine. Anyway, it's been really nice dating you for a while..."
Seinfeld
"- ...and good luck. - Yeah, you too."
Seinfeld
"- The New York Yankees? - The New York Yankees."
Seinfeld
"Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle..."
Seinfeld
"...Costanza?"
Seinfeld
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