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Clips from Seinfeld - The Opposite (S05E05)

"Well, I'd just got back from swimming in the pool..."
Seinfeld
"- To your promotion. - Oh, thank you."
Seinfeld
"...and the water was cold."
Seinfeld
"Thank you, Mr. Lippman. I can't tell you..."
Seinfeld
"- You mean shrinkage. - Yes."
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"...how much I appreciate this. I mean, of course, I deserve it."
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"Significant shrinkage."
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"Well, you're really on your way now."
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"You should do something about that cold."
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"So you feel you were shortchanged?"
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"- You got a raise? - I don't fool around, baby."
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"Yes."
Seinfeld
"You said Pendant was in financial trouble."
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"If she thinks that's me, she's under a complete misapprehension."
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"But they're being absorbed by Matsushimi..."
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"That was not me, Jerry. That was not me."
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"...that big Japanese conglomerate."
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"Well, so, what's the difference?"
Seinfeld
"- When did that happen? - Papers are signed next week."
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"- What if she discusses it with Jane? - Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane."
Seinfeld
"Are they publishing Kramer's coffee table book?"
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"- How do you know? - Women aren't like us."
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"Yeah. They'll definitely do it now."
Seinfeld
"They're worse! They're much worse than us."
Seinfeld
"You're on quite a streak. Job promotion."
Seinfeld
"They talk about everything."
Seinfeld
"- Plus you're back with Jake Jarmel. - Yeah, it's getting serious."
Seinfeld
"Could you tell her about the shrinkage factor?"
Seinfeld
"We're talking about moving in together."
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"No. I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage."
Seinfeld
"You've got it all. Helen Gurley Brown..."
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"Besides, I think women know about shrinkage."
Seinfeld
"...would be very proud of you."
Seinfeld
"How do women know about shrinkage?"
Seinfeld
"Speaking of having it all..."
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"Isn't it common knowledge?"
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"Where were you?"
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"- Elaine. - Elaine."
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"Elaine!"
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"I went to the beach."
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"- What? - Do women know about shrinkage?"
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"The beach."
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"What do you mean, like laundry?"
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"It's not working, Jerry."
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"No."
Seinfeld
"- It's just not working. - What is it that isn't working?"
Seinfeld
"Like when a man goes swimming, afterwards..."
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"Why did it all turn out like this for me?"
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"It shrinks?"
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"I had so much promise."
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"Like a frightened turtle."
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"I was personable. I was bright."
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"- Why does it shrink? - It just does."
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"Maybe not academically speaking, but..."
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"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
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"I was perceptive."
Seinfeld
"- Excellent lobster, Kramer. - Really good."
Seinfeld
"I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party."
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"Rachel, aren't you gonna have any?"
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"- Got a napkin? - It all became very clear to me..."
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"No, I can't."
Seinfeld
"...sitting out there today that..."
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"I'm kosher. We don't eat shellfish."
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"...every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong."
Seinfeld
"You mean you've never tasted lobster?"
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"My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be."
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"No."
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"Every instinct I have in every aspect of life..."
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"You're so pious."
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"...be it something to wear, something to eat..."
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"I really respect that."
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"...it's all been wrong. Every one."
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"You know, when you die..."
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"Tuna on toast, coleslaw..."
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"...you're gonna get some special attention."
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"- ...cup of coffee. - Yeah."
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"The baby's crying. I'll go get him, he can sit with us."
Seinfeld
"No, no, wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast."
Seinfeld
"No, no. You don't want to do that."
Seinfeld
"Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast."
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"- You'll be uncomfortable. - Yeah. Finish eating."
Seinfeld
"I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast."
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"The baby's not gonna have any fun over here."
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"Chicken salad on rye..."
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"...untoasted with a side of potato salad..."
Seinfeld
"- We're not fun for a baby. - Yeah."
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"...and a cup of tea."
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"The lobsters will scare him."
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"Well, there's no telling what can happen from this."
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"I'm gonna get him."
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"Chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna."
Seinfeld
"See? Look at this."
Seinfeld
"Salmon's the opposite of tuna because salmon swim..."
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"Rachel, my T-shirt shrunk."
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"...against the current, and the tuna swim with it."
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"It used to be much bigger, and now it shrunk."
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"Good for the tuna."
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"See, that's what water does."
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"George, you know that woman just looked at you."
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"So what? What am I supposed to do?"
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"It shrinks things."
Seinfeld
"Really? Tell us more, Mr. Science."
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"Go talk to her."
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"What are you doing? What are you laughing at?"
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"Elaine, bald men with no jobs and no money..."
Seinfeld
"- It's nothing, George. - It's very impolite to tell secrets."
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"...who live with their parents..."
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"- Are you talking about me? - What is it with you?"
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"...don't approach strange women."
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"Easy, big fella."
Seinfeld
"Try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad..."
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"Kramer, where did you get these lobsters?"
Seinfeld
"...and being intimidated by women, chicken salad..."
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"- At MacLeish's Fish Market? - No. I got them in the ocean."
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"- ...and going right up to them. - Yeah, I should do the opposite."
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"The ocean? What do you mean?"
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"If every instinct you have is wrong..."
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"Well, I found this rope and I kept tugging on it..."
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"...then the opposite would have to be right."
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"...all these lobsters came up."
Seinfeld
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