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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stock Tip (S01E01)

"I mean, beyond that, I'm risking a punch in the mouth."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. Do you have these in the puffs?"
Seinfeld
"No puffs. Just flakes."
Seinfeld
"Have you thought any more about that trip?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I've been thinking about it."
Seinfeld
"You know, my friend told me about this place in Vermont."
Seinfeld
"I don't know. I just worry about trips like this. It's a lot of pressure."
Seinfeld
"It's great. It speeds up the intimacy level."
Seinfeld
"It's like putting the relationship in a time compressor."
Seinfeld
"Where we would be six months from now..."
Seinfeld
"...we accomplish in three days."
Seinfeld
"So you want to move our relationship into phase two."
Seinfeld
"Exactly. I love phase two."
Seinfeld
"Extra toothbrushes, increased phone call frequency..."
Seinfeld
"...walking around naked."
Seinfeld
"You know, the presents get a lot better in phase two."
Seinfeld
"Really?"
Seinfeld
"Can we go fishing up there?"
Seinfeld
"We can fish. What, blues, carp, marlin?"
Seinfeld
"- Marlin in Vermont? - Oh."
Seinfeld
"Big fighting marlin."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, the stock is the same as when you checked earlier."
Seinfeld
"There are no changes after the market closes, the stock is still down."
Seinfeld
"I know, but this is a different paper. I thought maybe they have different..."
Seinfeld
"...sources."
Seinfeld
"Is that my paper?"
Seinfeld
"Bad news, my friend."
Seinfeld
"- What, what news? - Centrax."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on. It's down again?"
Seinfeld
"- Two and a half points. - Oh, I can't believe it. Let me see that."
Seinfeld
"That's four and a half points in three days."
Seinfeld
"- That's almost half my money. - Hey, I told you."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, you told me. - It's all manipulated with junk bonds."
Seinfeld
"You can't win."
Seinfeld
"There's one thing I don't understand."
Seinfeld
"Why does it please you?"
Seinfeld
"George Costanza, please."
Seinfeld
"I'm just telling you to get rid of that stock now!"
Seinfeld
"George, what's going on?"
Seinfeld
"Sell them! Just say, I'm selling!"
Seinfeld
"Well, where is the guy?"
Seinfeld
"Nothing? Almost half my money's gone."
Seinfeld
"Well, call me right back."
Seinfeld
"Nobody can reach Wilkenson, he hasn't been in his office in three days."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe you put your money in that Centrax."
Seinfeld
"You could have invested in my roll-out tie dispenser."
Seinfeld
"The roll-out tie dispenser."
Seinfeld
"- What was that? - Okay. You're in a restaurant."
Seinfeld
"You got a very big meeting coming up."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - Oh, man!"
Seinfeld
"You got mustard on your tie."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, no. - You just..."
Seinfeld
"...tear it off and..."
Seinfeld
"...you got a new one right here."
Seinfeld
"Then, you're gone."
Seinfeld
"You're gone, all right."
Seinfeld
"Hey, where you going? You gonna take a trip? The map..."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I'm going to Vermont with Vanessa for a few days."
Seinfeld
"Hey, can I use your place?"
Seinfeld
"I got a bunch of friends coming over this weekend."
Seinfeld
"- What friends? - Just people I met at a rock concert."
Seinfeld
"You mind if they use your bed?"
Seinfeld
"Because they're good people, Jerry. You know, they're anarchists."
Seinfeld
"They're... They're huge."
Seinfeld
"George, what?"
Seinfeld
"You're kidding."
Seinfeld
"Well, what's wrong?"
Seinfeld
"So, what are we gonna do?"
Seinfeld
"Great. All right, I'll speak to you later."
Seinfeld
"Wilkenson, the guy who's supposed to tell us when to sell the stock..."
Seinfeld
"...he's in the hospital."
Seinfeld
"You don't know what's wrong with him?"
Seinfeld
"All Simons was able to find out is that he's in the hospital."
Seinfeld
"Okay, fine. Has Simons been in touch with him?"
Seinfeld
"Of course he's been in touch with him. He left two messages."
Seinfeld
"He hasn't heard back yet, that's all."
Seinfeld
"Well, this is it. I'm selling."
Seinfeld
"Just give it a little more time."
Seinfeld
"I never should've gotten involved with this, I'm a nervous wreck..."
Seinfeld
"...I'm not cut out for investing."
Seinfeld
"All right. That's it. I'm gonna go down there."
Seinfeld
"- Where? - To the hospital."
Seinfeld
"- The hospital? - I'm gonna find out what's going on."
Seinfeld
"Are you nuts? You don't even know the guy."
Seinfeld
"So what? I'll start talking to him, you know..."
Seinfeld
"...casual, I'll work my way around to it."
Seinfeld
"What if he's in an iron lung or something?"
Seinfeld
"What are you gonna do?"
Seinfeld
"How you feeling, Mr. Wilkenson?"
Seinfeld
"By the way, what's happening with Centrax?"
Seinfeld
"Maybe he's there resting."
Seinfeld
"Who goes to a hospital to rest?"
Seinfeld
"What are you, a doctor?"
Seinfeld
"Okay, fine. When are you going down there?"
Seinfeld
"Today. I'm going today."
Seinfeld
"Just don't do anything until you hear from me."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Boy, I have to get to a bathroom."
Seinfeld
"- May I help you? - Yeah, I picked up this shirt yesterday."
Seinfeld
"It's completely shrunk."
Seinfeld
"There's absolutely no way I can wear it."
Seinfeld
"- When did you bring it in? - What's the difference? Look."
Seinfeld
"Do you see the size of this shirt?"
Seinfeld
"- You got a receipt? - I can't find the receipt."
Seinfeld
"- You should get the receipt. - Look, forget the receipt."
Seinfeld
"Even if I had the receipt, look at it."
Seinfeld
"It's a hand puppet."
Seinfeld
"What am I gonna do with this?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, but how do I know we did the shirt?"
Seinfeld
"What do you think, this is a little scam I have?"
Seinfeld
"I take this tiny shirt all over the city..."
Seinfeld
"...conning dry cleaners out of money?"
Seinfeld
"Forget money. I don't even want the money."
Seinfeld
"I just once would like to hear a dry cleaner admit..."
Seinfeld
"...that something was their fault. That's what I want."
Seinfeld
"I want an admission of guilt."
Seinfeld
"Maybe you asked for it to be washed."
Seinfeld
"No. Dry-cleaned."
Seinfeld
"Let me explain to you something, okay?"
Seinfeld
"With certain types of fabrics, different chemicals can react, causing..."
Seinfeld
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