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Clips from 10-Year-Old-Tom - Landscaper on the Couch/Nurse's Wedding (S01E01)

"I was just making small talk."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Small talk? These people need shelter!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- And isn't your dad in, like, Myrtle Beach or something,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"so you actually have plenty of room?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, why do you hate my dad's business?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Why do you hate our family? Why did you steal my dinner?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- All right, you know what?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"My mom is not big on houseguests,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but I feel like she's gonna understand."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Our home is your home."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You want to have a belching contest?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [belches]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's good! [belches]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I win again!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- How long are you two staying again?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- There was no end date."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Wake up, Tom!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What's happening? Why? What?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- We're playing Jenga! Come on."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You woke me up for Jenga?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? "Some pulp"?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Okay, I guess I'm "some happy" right now."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Jesus."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- ♪ I'm washing my body with a great soap ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ Even though the American empire's collapsing ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- In sports, the International Basketball League was busy"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"last night with several games on the schedule..."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [breaks wind] - [breaks wind]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You know what, guys? Take this the right way,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but I find you people so annoying,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and I think we need to wrap this up."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You're throwing us out? - Yup."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Even though I have no way to earn a living?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Look, there's plenty of jobs out there."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"What skills do you have besides landscaping?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What are your top skills? - My top skill?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah. - Crying."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, come on."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's learnable."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't work well with others."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's a problem. - I have no grasp"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"on basic communication skills, okay?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's true."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I also refuse to wear"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"a uniform or a suit."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You're really limiting your options."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This weekend, we're holding open auditions"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"for "New Jersey's Got Talent"! Come on, Jersey."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Show us what you got. Top prize is $1 million!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's it. You can sing. - That's your career."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Me? I'm no singer."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I heard you in the shower. You're great."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You think I could sing professionally?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- If it gets you out of my house, I really do."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Me too. I think you can do it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom will even join you at the audition"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"to make sure it goes well."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh no, I'm not joining anyone."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I don't join things."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, you bankrupted my father."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"The least you can do is tag along and clap."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[breaks wind]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yo, Tom! - Oh, Nelson."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You guys are all auditioning?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Of course. - I'm doing my magic act."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Watch this. Whoa!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Oh! A quarter?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, my God, that was amazing."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Man. That's magic, brother."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Principal, what kind of act do you do?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- It sounds boring, but it's--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I do a tap dance routine with my dog."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wow. Lot of good acts. Lot of strong acts."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What are you doing, Tom?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I didn't know you had any talents."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, I'm not talented, no. I'm just here to make sure"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"the landscaper's audition goes well."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? - He moved into our house"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"with his son. Now I'm helping him..."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? - Reinvent his career."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"It's a long story."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- If I had a penny for all your stories,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I would have a-- ah-oh--a quarter!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's good. It gets me every time."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I think I'm ready."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [scatting]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Thank you for coming in. - Thank you."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Next up, I've got a Mr. Miller."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Thanks for seeing me."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"My passion is to write and sing original songs,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"mostly about landscaping. Here we go."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[moody music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ Leaf Blower blow me home ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ Blow me a mil-- ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Thank you. Thank you for coming in."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, you didn't like it? - Oh, no, no."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You have a lovely voice."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"There's just no market for landscaping ballads."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Just a tough genre, if you know what I mean."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- At least let the guy finish the song."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"He waited for hours."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- And who are you?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm Tom. I'm his landlord."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's funny."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Now, this kid has an interesting look."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And look at his brother. What a pair."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, no, we're not brothers."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, yeah, we have an open disdain for each other."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I love the banter. What a family."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- We're not a family."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- But we do live under the same roof, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah. We don't like each other."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"There's constant discontent. We're a family."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What if you do this act, but as a boy band?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? No."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- A boy band that includes one of the dads?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I mean, it's never been done."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Love it. Fresh idea. - Genius."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That sounds like the worst act ever."
10-Year-Old-Tom
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