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Clips from Seinfeld - The Cigar Store Indian (S05E05)

"I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest."
Seinfeld
"I love that place, but it's usually so crowded."
Seinfeld
"- Can we get a table? - Oh, don't worry. I made reser-"
Seinfeld
"- You made what? - I..."
Seinfeld
"I arranged for the appropriate accommodations."
Seinfeld
"And then..."
Seinfeld
"...Knick tickets. Floor seats."
Seinfeld
"- How did you get these? - Got them on the street from a scal-"
Seinfeld
"From who?"
Seinfeld
"One of those guys."
Seinfeld
"- What guys? - You know, the guys..."
Seinfeld
"...that they sell the tickets to the sold-out events."
Seinfeld
"Wait a second. You've got the Mark McEwen TV Guide."
Seinfeld
"- That's Al Roker. - They're both chubby weathermen."
Seinfeld
"I get Dom DeLuise and Paul Prudhomme mixed up too."
Seinfeld
"- Could I have this? - Sure, take it."
Seinfeld
"Thanks."
Seinfeld
"So Winona had the TV Guide. Told you I'd make it up to you."
Seinfeld
"- Mr. Costanza was pretty mad, huh? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"You almost ruined his life's work."
Seinfeld
"- He collects these? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"All right, well, I will personally go out to Queens..."
Seinfeld
"...and deliver his Al Roker TV Guide to him."
Seinfeld
"What did you do with the one you took?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, hey. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Elaine, what did-? What did he say, huh?"
Seinfeld
"- What did who say? - Your boss."
Seinfeld
"Didn't you tell him about the coffee-table book?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, you didn't tell him, did you? - Kramer, it is such a dumb idea."
Seinfeld
"- I'd be totally embarrassed- - Wait a minute-"
Seinfeld
"- I would be embarrassed to bring it up. - I thought it was a pretty good idea."
Seinfeld
"It's about coffee tables, it's on a coffee table."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, right. And on the cover is a built-in coaster."
Seinfeld
"- All right, I'm gonna go. - Where are you going?"
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna go to the cigar stores. I'm gonna see if I can sell that Indian."
Seinfeld
"- My Indian? - I think it's worth something."
Seinfeld
"It's kitschy."
Seinfeld
"How do you just walk into a house and take a TV Guide?"
Seinfeld
"How does she expect you to watch TV?"
Seinfeld
"Am I just supposed to turn it on..."
Seinfeld
"...and wander aimlessly around the dial?"
Seinfeld
"Hello. Is Elaine home?"
Seinfeld
"Elaine Benes?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, she's my son's friend."
Seinfeld
"And she's not welcome in this house."
Seinfeld
"Because I made her this very special gift, okay?"
Seinfeld
"It's a bouquet of paper from her TV Guide."
Seinfeld
"That's my TV Guide, ripped to shreds!"
Seinfeld
"- She gave that to you? - Hey..."
Seinfeld
"...is that The Twilight Zone you're watching?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Oh, this is a good one."
Seinfeld
"Next stop, Queensborough Plaza."
Seinfeld
"Gyro."
Seinfeld
"I like your place. It's very unassuming."
Seinfeld
"Well, why would I assume? I never assume."
Seinfeld
"It leads to assumptions."
Seinfeld
"Oh, by the way, that TV Guide I gave you, I need it back."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - I'm doing a report..."
Seinfeld
"...on minorities in the media, and I wanted to use the Al Roker interview."
Seinfeld
"It's too late. I gave it to Elaine to give to George's father."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, I really need it back. It is mine."
Seinfeld
"You can't give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you, a-?"
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"- A person that... - A person that what?"
Seinfeld
"Well, a person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied..."
Seinfeld
"...and they wish they had never given it to the person..."
Seinfeld
"- ...that they originally gave it to. - You mean, like an Indian giver?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term."
Seinfeld
"I like the special fall preview issues the best."
Seinfeld
"Those. I've been saving those from the beginning."
Seinfeld
"These are worth, like, a lot of money."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, hello, Elaine. - Hello."
Seinfeld
"Elaine. Hello."
Seinfeld
"You look scrumptious."
Seinfeld
"Why'd you take my TV Guide?"
Seinfeld
"I'm so sorry about that, Mr. Costanza. But look, look."
Seinfeld
"- I brought you another one. - I made this for you."
Seinfeld
"Thank you."
Seinfeld
"What is this? You got stains all over it."
Seinfeld
"What the hell did you do?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey, you can't talk to her like that. - I'll talk to her any way I want."
Seinfeld
"Come on, Elaine. Let's go."
Seinfeld
"My coffee table!"
Seinfeld
"I don't understand. How can you have a cigar store without an Indian?"
Seinfeld
"It's unseemly."
Seinfeld
"- I'll give you a box of coronas for it. - Forget it."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, are you selling this Indian?"
Seinfeld
"- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - I'm just redecorating my office..."
Seinfeld
"...in a southwestern motif, and this would be perfect."
Seinfeld
"- Give you $500 for it? - Giddyup."
Seinfeld
"Yeah? Could you help me bring it up to my office?"
Seinfeld
"I'm right next door. Pendant Publishing."
Seinfeld
"Pendant Publishing. Giddyup again."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Lippman, I'm sorry. I was in Queens-"
Seinfeld
"- Kramer. - Yeah. Hi, Elaine."
Seinfeld
"What are you doing in here with that?"
Seinfeld
"Well, it's a business transaction."
Seinfeld
"Listen, petty cash just had 10s and 20s."
Seinfeld
"- Go ahead. Count it. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure it's all here."
Seinfeld
"I was just admiring your coffee table out in the hall."
Seinfeld
"You like that, huh?"
Seinfeld
"I had that custom-made for me in Santa Fe."
Seinfeld
"- You mind if I use it in my book? - What book?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm doing a coffee-table book on coffee tables."
Seinfeld
"About coffee tables?"
Seinfeld
"That's fantastic."
Seinfeld
"- Who's your publisher? - I'm still shopping it around."
Seinfeld
"Yeah? You see?"
Seinfeld
"This is the kind of idea you should be coming in with."
Seinfeld
"What the hell do you do around here all day anyway?"
Seinfeld
"- Well, I read manuscripts- - The Indian really completes the room."
Seinfeld
"Don't you think?"
Seinfeld
"I know this coffee table. It's George Costanza's."
Seinfeld
"It's mine. I'm his mother."
Seinfeld
"Oh, I haven't seen George for a while. He must be working very hard."
Seinfeld
"George doesn't work."
Seinfeld
"He's a bum."
Seinfeld
"That's why he lives at home with us."
Seinfeld
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