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Clips from Bob's Burgers - The Spider House Rules (S12E12)

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"♪ ♪"

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- Ow. Ow. Ow. - Ow. Ow. Ow...

"- Ow. Ow. Ow. - Ow. Ow. Ow..."

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I never thought Andy would beat me

"I never thought Andy would beat me"

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in the "leaping off the bus stop bench" game,

"in the "leaping off the bus stop bench" game,"

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but that was one hell of a leap.

"but that was one hell of a leap."

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I don't know about the "leaping off the bus stop bench" game.

"I don't know about the "leaping off the bus stop bench" game."

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Andy almost broke his leg.

"Andy almost broke his leg."

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I didn't say he stuck the landing.

"I didn't say he stuck the landing."

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Wait, Ollie, you didn't skin your knee.

"Wait, Ollie, you didn't skin your knee."

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He hit my leg with a rock so I could feel what he feels.

"He hit my leg with a rock so I could feel what he feels."

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You're welcome.

"You're welcome."

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Oh, hello, free mirror that someone

"Oh, hello, free mirror that someone"

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carelessly left on the curb for children to find.

"carelessly left on the curb for children to find."

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Okay, how are we smashing this? Anyone got a bowling ball, or...

"Okay, how are we smashing this? Anyone got a bowling ball, or..."

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Maybe we could just use it to make sure we're not vampires?

"Maybe we could just use it to make sure we're not vampires?"

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And we're not. Phew.

"And we're not. Phew."

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Maybe we could point the mirror up and signal an airplane?

"Maybe we could point the mirror up and signal an airplane?"

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And then maybe we could become friends with an airplane.

"And then maybe we could become friends with an airplane."

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What? No. Come on, it's a mirror made of glass.

"What? No. Come on, it's a mirror made of glass."

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- And glass breaks! - I think

"- And glass breaks! - I think"

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Andy's had enough excitement for one day.

"Andy's had enough excitement for one day."

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I need time to recuperate and center myself. And pee.

"I need time to recuperate and center myself. And pee."

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Also, there's the whole "seven years bad luck" thing.

"Also, there's the whole "seven years bad luck" thing."

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Seven years? That's the amount of time

"Seven years? That's the amount of time"

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Brad Pitt spent in Tibet.

"Brad Pitt spent in Tibet."

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Louise, why do you always want to do

"Louise, why do you always want to do"

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the most dangerous things all the time?

"the most dangerous things all the time?"

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Whoa, whoa. Smashing a mirror is not dangerous.

"Whoa, whoa. Smashing a mirror is not dangerous."

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It's called fun.

"It's called fun."

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No? Just me?

"No? Just me?"

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I mean, I think it's great that you love doing scary stuff

"I mean, I think it's great that you love doing scary stuff"

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that makes me shut my eyes and think

"that makes me shut my eyes and think"

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"when will this be over?"

""when will this be over?""

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Fine. This doesn't even look like

"Fine. This doesn't even look like"

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a good smashing mirror anyway,

"a good smashing mirror anyway,"

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so I'm just gonna leave it for the next

"so I'm just gonna leave it for the next"

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perfectly normal kid who wants to smash it.

"perfectly normal kid who wants to smash it."

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We'll figure out another way to be friends with an airplane.

"We'll figure out another way to be friends with an airplane."

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Hi. I'll take a beer.

"Hi. I'll take a beer."

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Louise, no. We-we don't give her beer.

"Louise, no. We-we don't give her beer."

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What's wrong, sweetie? You have a rough day?

"What's wrong, sweetie? You have a rough day?"

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Is it school? Did you think something had one answer

"Is it school? Did you think something had one answer"

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but then it had a different answer and you were like,

"but then it had a different answer and you were like,"

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"What the heck?"

""What the heck?""

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I'm fine. We just, you know,

"I'm fine. We just, you know,"

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found a perfectly good mirror to smash on the way home

"found a perfectly good mirror to smash on the way home"

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and everybody made me feel weird about it.

"and everybody made me feel weird about it."

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Ooh, I love smashing a good mirror.

"Ooh, I love smashing a good mirror."

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- Lin. - Right. Playing with glass

"- Lin. - Right. Playing with glass"

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isn't a good idea. You could get cut.

"isn't a good idea. You could get cut."

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Yeah, you could get cut.

"Yeah, you could get cut."

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I thought that was part of the fun.

"I thought that was part of the fun."

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It's just, your fun

"It's just, your fun"

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sometimes involves things that terrify me?

"sometimes involves things that terrify me?"

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(grunting, exclaiming)

"(grunting, exclaiming)"

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What's your point? Look, if I'm too cool and exciting

"What's your point? Look, if I'm too cool and exciting"

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for people, then forget 'em.

"for people, then forget 'em."

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They can just be boring and do their boring stuff.

"They can just be boring and do their boring stuff."

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Louise, don't smash mirrors. Because they don't deserve that.

"Louise, don't smash mirrors. Because they don't deserve that."

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I mean, they taunt you every day, don't they?

"I mean, they taunt you every day, don't they?"

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They really do.

"They really do."

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Louise, I guess smashing glass

"Louise, I guess smashing glass"

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can be a little off-putting to some people, maybe.

"can be a little off-putting to some people, maybe."

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But don't give up on those people. I mean, you don't want

"But don't give up on those people. I mean, you don't want"

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to end up like your father. Without, you know, any friends.

"to end up like your father. Without, you know, any friends."

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- What? I have friends. - No.

"- What? I have friends. - No."

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Dad has friends. Teddy...

"Dad has friends. Teddy..."

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I shouldn't have made that sound like I was gonna have a list.

"I shouldn't have made that sound like I was gonna have a list."

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People come visit Dad in the restaurant every day.

"People come visit Dad in the restaurant every day."

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Right, sir?

"Right, sir?"

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- Um... - Ignore them. Okay,

"- Um... - Ignore them. Okay,"

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first of all, why is this about me now?

"first of all, why is this about me now?"

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And second of all, I have friends that aren't

"And second of all, I have friends that aren't"

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paying customers. I just, you know,

"paying customers. I just, you know,"

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lost touch with a bunch of them.

"lost touch with a bunch of them."

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Back when I was a teenager.

"Back when I was a teenager."

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Is it because there were no telephones back then?

"Is it because there were no telephones back then?"

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I'm gonna go in the kitchen. Where everyone's nice to me.

"I'm gonna go in the kitchen. Where everyone's nice to me."

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I mean, the dishwasher doesn't like you.

"I mean, the dishwasher doesn't like you."

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I know.

"I know."

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LOUISE: Dumb super

"LOUISE: Dumb super"

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smashable mirror. (scoffs)

"smashable mirror. (scoffs)"

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I don't know why people got so dumb about it.

"I don't know why people got so dumb about it."

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Oh. Hey there, spider.

"Oh. Hey there, spider."

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You're... in my room. On my loft bed.

"You're... in my room. On my loft bed."

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But you know what? You're kind of

"But you know what? You're kind of"

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unconventionally cute. You would tell me if you were

"unconventionally cute. You would tell me if you were"

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super venomous, right? Yeah, you look like you would.

"super venomous, right? Yeah, you look like you would."

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I like that about you.

"I like that about you."

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See? Look at all the friends I have in here. Jack.

"See? Look at all the friends I have in here. Jack."

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Who's Jack? Probably a really good friend.

"Who's Jack? Probably a really good friend."

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Oh, I know who this is. He dinged our car

"Oh, I know who this is. He dinged our car"

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- and never called me back. - Aw, Jack.

"- and never called me back. - Aw, Jack."

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Okay, this is ridiculous. I have to have friends I see

"Okay, this is ridiculous. I have to have friends I see"

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that aren't Teddy and the people

"that aren't Teddy and the people"

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that buy food from us. Oh, hey, Cliff.

"that buy food from us. Oh, hey, Cliff."

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Who's Cliff? I don't know Cliff. It's a good name, though.

"Who's Cliff? I don't know Cliff. It's a good name, though."

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Hey, I'm going out with Cliff. Back in a jiff. Ha.

"Hey, I'm going out with Cliff. Back in a jiff. Ha."

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I met him at a back-to-school night.

"I met him at a back-to-school night."

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He was trying to organize a basketball thing for the kids,

"He was trying to organize a basketball thing for the kids,"

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so we exchanged numbers. I didn't have the heart

"so we exchanged numbers. I didn't have the heart"

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to tell him our kids don't do stuff.

"to tell him our kids don't do stuff."

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Hey, Cliff, don't fall off yourself. Ha. You can use that.

"Hey, Cliff, don't fall off yourself. Ha. You can use that."

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He seemed like a person that I could do activities with.

"He seemed like a person that I could do activities with."

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- Is that what people say? - Maybe don't open with that.

"- Is that what people say? - Maybe don't open with that."

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Should I text him? Is it too late?

"Should I text him? Is it too late?"

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It's never too late for Cliff.

"It's never too late for Cliff."

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Okay, I'll do it. Wait, no, it's too late.

"Okay, I'll do it. Wait, no, it's too late."

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Oh, God, I just texted him the letter I.

"Oh, God, I just texted him the letter I."

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- What do I do? - Okay, gimme the phone.

"- What do I do? - Okay, gimme the phone."

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(yawns) Hey, Spider, you're still here.

"(yawns) Hey, Spider, you're still here."

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And you built a web? Impressive.

"And you built a web? Impressive."

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Borderline showing off, but I like it.

"Borderline showing off, but I like it."

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Hey, I was thinking, if we're gonna be roommates,

"Hey, I was thinking, if we're gonna be roommates,"

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I should probably give you a name.

"I should probably give you a name."

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How do you feel about Winona Spider?

"How do you feel about Winona Spider?"

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Wait-- Arachnaphoebe. Phoebe for short.

"Wait-- Arachnaphoebe. Phoebe for short."

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You don't really get excited about things, do you?

"You don't really get excited about things, do you?"

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That's all right. I know it's a great name.

"That's all right. I know it's a great name."

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Morning, sweetie.

"Morning, sweetie."

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