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Clips from Family Guy - LASIK Instinct (S20E20)

"♪ It seems today that all you see ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ On which we used to rely? ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ All the things that make us ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Laugh and cry ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪"
Family Guy
"♪"
Family Guy
"All right, time for 8:15 drop‐off."
Family Guy
"Now Mommy's on a quick break till 3:30."
Family Guy
"(sighs) Toughest job in the world."
Family Guy
"Oh, look, Kylie's mom is out of rehab."
Family Guy
"Good morning, little guy."
Family Guy
"Hey, Janet, good to see you."
Family Guy
"Hey, listen, thank you so much for your apology email."
Family Guy
"An individual one would have been nice,"
Family Guy
"but one to the whole class was fine, too."
Family Guy
"Have a good day, Stewie."
Family Guy
"(loud thud)"
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, please be a dog. Please be a dog."
Family Guy
"(crying): Ow. Ow..."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, it's a kid!"
Family Guy
"It's Doug! Nice hit, bitch."
Family Guy
"Oh, and Elsa underwear."
Family Guy
"This day just keeps getting better!"
Family Guy
"Well, thank you all for coming."
Family Guy
"Can I get anyone something to drink?"
Family Guy
"I'm fine, but Doug's mother would probably like"
Family Guy
"three martinis, and then to have unprotected sex"
Family Guy
"with her boss at work."
Family Guy
"And Doug's father would love a glass of warm tap water"
Family Guy
"and to never make more than $30,000 a year"
Family Guy
"for the rest of his life."
Family Guy
"And here we go."
Family Guy
"Okay, well, I am just so sorry"
Family Guy
"about what happened with Doug."
Family Guy
"I just didn't see the little guy."
Family Guy
"Well, maybe you ought to get your eyes examined."
Family Guy
"I appreciate that it was an accident, Mrs. Griffin."
Family Guy
"But nonetheless, we've retained a lawyer."
Family Guy
"Well, there must be some way short of a lawsuit"
Family Guy
"we can make this up to you."
Family Guy
"Well, this is my weekend with Doug,"
Family Guy
"but I've got tickets to see Lana Del Rey"
Family Guy
"with our former nanny Jessica."
Family Guy
"(exhales sharply)"
Family Guy
"She's 24. So as a form of settlement,"
Family Guy
"maybe this weekend you can put together a tree house"
Family Guy
"I don't want to deal with."
Family Guy
"Fine. If that's what I have to do to make this right,"
Family Guy
"then Peter and my children will build your son's tree house."
Family Guy
"Deal."
Family Guy
"All right, I guess now the four men"
Family Guy
"awkwardly sit here while my mom gives your mom"
Family Guy
"a tour of the house that doesn't deserve one."
Family Guy
"LOIS: And this is a room adjacent to the room"
Family Guy
"we were just in."
Family Guy
"DOUG'S MOTHER: Ooh, what a fun house."
Family Guy
"Okay, Mrs. Griffin, tell me what you see."
Family Guy
"Um, I see a cow in a lab coat,"
Family Guy
"some vultures in a cowboy hat,"
Family Guy
"and a dog trying to trick a cat into a clothes dryer."
Family Guy
"Just as I thought. You're Far‐Sided."
Family Guy
"Oh, no. What‐what do I do about it?"
Family Guy
"Oh, well, I'm no doctor, but I would say"
Family Guy
"you either need to get glasses or maybe LASIK."
Family Guy
"Is that the surgery people get"
Family Guy
"and then tell everybody they got it?"
Family Guy
"Yes, it's the veganism of elective surgery."
Family Guy
"If you're unsure of what to do,"
Family Guy
"here's a video of Radiohead front man"
Family Guy
"and super weirdo Thom Yorke to help you decide."
Family Guy
"Hello, I'm Thom Yorke."
Family Guy
"You might know me from Radiohead"
Family Guy
"or my passing resemblance to a melting Tilda Swinton."
Family Guy
"Not many people know that I'm blind in one eye."
Family Guy
"Can you guess which one?"
Family Guy
"‐This is awful. ‐Wait, just give it a few minutes."
Family Guy
"All his stuff starts kind of slow."
Family Guy
"Fine, I'll get the LASIK."
Family Guy
"Great. Make an appointment with my nurse."
Family Guy
"Now here's a lollipop from the Sackler family"
Family Guy
"that says, "Sowwy.""
Family Guy
"THOM YORKE: In the future, we won't even need our eyes."
Family Guy
"Computers will see for us."
Family Guy
"Oh, now you're a doctor? I guess I'm a singer now."
Family Guy
"♪ Tra‐la‐la‐la‐la. ♪ I'm Casey Kasem."
Family Guy
"(à la Kasem): That was Elmer Hartman peaking at number 32 with"
Family Guy
""I Hate Computers (Tra‐La‐La).""
Family Guy
"Mrs. Griffin, the surgery was a success."
Family Guy
"And by that, I mean the hospital agreed"
Family Guy
"to take your Discover card."
Family Guy
"Plus, we'll get one percent of that back,"
Family Guy
"which is basically like getting nothing."
Family Guy
"(gasps) Oh, my God... I'm blind."
Family Guy
"PETER: What do you mean you're blind?"
Family Guy
"‐Y‐You can't see me right now? ‐No!"
Family Guy
"But you can still see, like, the stove and laundry, right?"
Family Guy
"But, Mom, we got you a balloo..."
Family Guy
"Shh, shh, shh."
Family Guy
"(whispers): She doesn't know about the balloon."
Family Guy
"Don't worry, Lois, we'll be right by your side"
Family Guy
"the whole time, and not outside playing with a balloon."
Family Guy
"(Peter laughing)"
Family Guy
"I love you, balloon."
Family Guy
"Oh‐oh, oh, no, no!"
Family Guy
"I'm coming, balloon!"
Family Guy
"(air hisses, Peter inhales)"
Family Guy
"(helium voice): Don't tell your mother about this."
Family Guy
"Don't worry, Lois, I went blind a while back."
Family Guy
"It was cool. They're some of the last people"
Family Guy
"you can still make fun of."
Family Guy
"‐Dad! ‐It's fine, they won't see this."
Family Guy
"Dr. Hartman, you said there was very little risk"
Family Guy
"to LASIK, but now I am blind."
Family Guy
"How did this happen?"
Family Guy
"Okay, look, this isn't my fault."
Family Guy
"It was Take‐Your‐Cat‐ To‐Work day."
Family Guy
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