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Clips from Veep - Nev-AD-a (S05E05)

"Okay, great, done. Let's get him. Bob Bradley."
Veep
"- He's our Whitman hit man. - Madam President, excuse me."
Veep
"I have the meeting with the Nevada Secretary of State."
Veep
"Oh, Amy, don't forget to bring Richard with you."
Veep
"Wait, really? Richard? He's..."
Veep
"Ma'am, the DOD wants us to know that now the Chinese hackers"
Veep
"have breached White House employee files."
Veep
"Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing."
Veep
"Ooh, tell me about it."
Veep
"SUE: Oh, and you have a drop-by at a brunch"
Veep
"to thank campaign volunteers."
Veep
"To thank them for what?"
Veep
"This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit"
Veep
"that I'm doing the backstroke in right now?"
Veep
"Not a good idea to cancel, ma'am."
Veep
"Make Tom do it."
Veep
"He loves all that fake smiley shit."
Veep
"MIKE: Tom has his banking task force today."
Veep
"His what?"
Veep
"It's a veritable who's who of Wall Street."
Veep
"Well, that sounds a lot sexier than my thing."
Veep
"Tell Tom that I get dibs on that."
Veep
"It's my presidential banking task force now."
Veep
"Well, Tom is not gonna be happy about that."
Veep
"Well, good. That's the way I like it. Open the door."
Veep
"The president will be there shaking hands"
Veep
"and thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work"
Veep
"at some point in the near future."
Veep
"I'll get back."
Veep
"- No breakfast for this guy. - Who's offering?"
Veep
"You are looking at a guy on the master cleanse. I feel amazing."
Veep
"What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse?"
Veep
"Sounds like Nazi domestic policy."
Veep
"Little known fact about the Nazis..."
Veep
"their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof."
Veep
"Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic."
Veep
"The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good."
Veep
"MIKE: Yep, I don't eat food anymore."
Veep
"Just water, maple syrup,"
Veep
"lemon juice, and cayenne pepper."
Veep
"Do you still take shits?"
Veep
"Not exactly take."
Veep
"MAN: Welcome to Nevada."
Veep
"Everybody settle in. Make yourselves comfortable."
Veep
"Members of the Meyer-James and O'Brien-Montez campaign."
Veep
"Let's talk ground rules. According to Nevada law,"
Veep
"if the recount sample shows a difference of 1% or more,"
Veep
"which in this case comes to 512 votes,"
Veep
"we go ahead and recount the whole state."
Veep
"Now, most of the voting here is touch screen,"
Veep
"so we can't do more than retabulate those totals."
Veep
"Except you could recount the voter-verified paper audit trails."
Veep
"Sometimes there are big discrepancies."
Veep
"- Sir, in that case we motion... - On the other hand,"
Veep
"the ninth circuit court of appeals ruled in Crowley v. Nevada"
Veep
"that you don't have to recount the paper audit trails in local elections."
Veep
"- That's Crawley versus Nevada? - That's Crowley."
Veep
"Actually, you know what? I could email you."
Veep
"Or you could email me at [email protected]."
Veep
"Splett1 is my father. It'll be sad to see him go,"
Veep
"but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know?"
Veep
"- (REPORTERS CLAMORING) - REPORTER: Is Meyer being a sore loser?"
Veep
"- Spirits are very high. - The president won the popular vote."
Veep
"I didn't quite catch all your questions."
Veep
"- We had a pretty big setback in there. - We have to go."
Veep
"We're very late for another appointment. Thank you very much, everybody."
Veep
"What is wrong with you, you Paddington Bear-looking fuck?"
Veep
"You just gave them a Time Life instruction manual on how to fuck us."
Veep
"You guys have Michael Jordan sitting on the bench here,"
Veep
"but you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat."
Veep
"You are not Michael Jordan."
Veep
"You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian"
Veep
"who's gonna drop dead of Marfan syndrome. Get your ass in the car."
Veep
"- SELINA: The Eagle's landed. - BRADLEY: Yes, he has."
Veep
"- Madam President. - Yes?"
Veep
"This is truly an honor to serve you."
Veep
"Well, thank you very much."
Veep
"Plus I would never miss the opportunity"
Veep
"to dry fuck Jim Whitman up the ass."
Veep
"(LAUGHS) Catherine, out."
Veep
"Oh, Bob, I need to introduce you to Amy Brookheimer"
Veep
"and her team in Nevada right here."
Veep
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Bradley."
Veep
"How many lawyers you got on the ground in Carson City?"
Veep
"I believe it's roughly..."
Veep
"I want you to double it by the end of the day."
Veep
"Now, let's talk about the actual recount."
Veep
"Well, I noticed something funny about the mail-in ballots."
Veep
"All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson."
Veep
"Well, the county clerk of Nye County disqualified a huge number of mail-in ballots"
Veep
"because the signatures didn't match the voter rolls,"
Veep
"so I checked and he's an O'Brien fundraiser."
Veep
"He probably chucked out a ton of Meyer votes."
Veep
"Why aren't you moving on this, blondie?"
Veep
"Right, Amy. Come on, get it together. My God in heaven."
Veep
"We will get right on it, ma'am, sir."
Veep
"Bob, what do you think? Are we gonna win this thing?"
Veep
"I mean, really honestly, your true gut."
Veep
"Well, Madam President, I've got big balls,"
Veep
"- but neither one of them are crystal. - Oh, darn it."
Veep
"This reminds me of something that Dick Nixon used to say"
Veep
"to Henry Kissinger back when that tricky son of a bitch"
Veep
"was trying to get us out of that messy business called Vietnam."
Veep
"Vietnam, right."
Veep
"He would say, Henry, you son of a bitch."
Veep
"I can lead a horse to water, but I can't milk it."
Veep
"(LAUGHING)"
Veep
"Can't milk it! I don't even know what that means."
Veep
"- I love it. - I've got to make a million phone calls."
Veep
"- So you'll have to excuse me. - All right."
Veep
"- Good-bye, everyone. - Fantastic. Good-bye. We got our guy."
Veep
"- Hey, Bob. - Yeah?"
Veep
"You don't remember me. I was an intern way back when you were..."
Veep
"Of course I remember you."
Veep
"Lookie here. Ben Cafferty all grown up."
Veep
"We used to have a million nicknames for this guy."
Veep
"We called him Fatty Dicksuckle"
Veep
"and B-B-Benny and the Jizz."
Veep
"Buttfucker."
Veep
"Buttfucker, that's me."
Veep
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