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Clips from Flight of the Conchords - Mugged (S01E01)

"- Hassling me. - I'm not hassling you."
Flight of the Conchords
"- You are hassling me. - I'm just pointing out"
Flight of the Conchords
"that when you're in a situation where you're being mugged, you shouldn't"
Flight of the Conchords
"- leave your friend to die. - Hassling me."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Height of rudeness. - Okay, David Hassle-hoff."
Flight of the Conchords
"Oh my God. Jemaine, are you okay?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- Yeah. - You're out?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- Mm-hmm. - Did the cops try to strip search you?"
Flight of the Conchords
"- No. - Did they find anything?"
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"No, they didn't strip search me."
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"Oh, I... I thought you said they did."
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"- No. - Oh."
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"Well, did any of your cellmates, you know,"
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"- rape you in the a... - No. No no no."
Flight of the Conchords
"Oh good, good. 'Cause if... if I was a convict,"
Flight of the Conchords
"you know, and I was in a cell with a pretty boy like you,"
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"I would definitely wait till lights out, put my hand over your mouth..."
Flight of the Conchords
"I've gotta... I've gotta go."
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"Oh, you're kind of like a convict now."
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"Makes you seem so dangerous,"
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"like you could just do anything."
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"He was only in there for two days."
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"Bret, I know what you did. Mmm?"
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"Being in jail just makes you seem so sexy."
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"I guess it's the danger aspect."
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"What are you gonna do to me?"
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"Do it! No, don't, don't."
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"- See you guys later. - See ya."
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"Oh, yeah, just run, Bret. Just run."
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"It's like Bonnie and Clyde, you know. They would rob banks,"
Flight of the Conchords
"and then they would do each other."
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"Actually, I've... I've got to go too."
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"I've got to go to the same meeting as Bret."
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"Oh, okay. They'd get off on it."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Jemaine? - Yes."
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"- Bret? - Um, Rhymenoceros."
Flight of the Conchords
"- Rhymenoceros, yep. - Yep, present."
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"- That's not a real gangster name. - What?"
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"- And Murray. - Well, I've been on the inside,"
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"I know what sort of names gangsters have."
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"Like John."
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"There was another guy there... Ralph."
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"Well, you were only in there for two days, man."
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"Hey, guys, what's going on here?"
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"Well, Jemaine just keeps on hassling me"
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"about how I abandoned him when we got mugged."
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"And why are you angry with him?"
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"Well, he left me to die."
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"Yeah well, we all know that. Old news."
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"No one likes a moaner."
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"Yeah well, he just keeps on going on about it."
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"And having said that, no one likes an abandoner either, Bret."
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"Now you don't abandon each other in life-threatening situations."
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"Okay."
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"What happens is the guy who's left behind..."
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"Jemaine... may feel left behind."
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"Yeah? Abandonment issues."
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"Not only that, but he could be seriously injured."
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"- You were just lucky. - Well, I wasn't that lucky."
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"Well, they said you didn't need that."
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"I don't... I don't trust him anymore."
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"- Oh, you don't mean that. - Yeah? What do I mean?"
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"Calm down, Jemaine!"
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"Sorry, if I can't trust him on the streets,"
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"I can't trust him on the stage."
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"I can't do another gig with him"
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"without going against everything I stand for."
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"Well, what if you actually had another gig?"
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"- Well, then I would. - Yeah?"
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"- Mmm. - I haven't actually got you one,"
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"but that's good to know."
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"You know, I'm always trying to get you gigs."
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"All right?"
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"What's this meeting about?"
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"Well, one of my CDs is missing."
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"So your friend... your best friend in the whole world"
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"just left you there with a bunch of crazy-ass muggers?"
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"- Hey. Oh. - Shh."
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"Were you scared?"
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"Uh, yeah... yeah, I guess I was kind of scared, right?"
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"- Sort of. - Yeah."
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"But, then again,"
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"- I wasn't scared. - Oh wow."
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"I just can't believe a friend would do that. What a douche bag."
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"I know. What a douche bag."
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"Can't believe what you did, man."
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"You leave your best friend"
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"with a couple of hoodlums who are about to mug him? That's cold."
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"But to be fair to Bret, John, you were one of those hoodlums"
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"- mugging us, you know? - Yeah."
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"Yeah, that's true."
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"I guess I am somewhat to blame as well, huh?"
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"- But it's still shitty, what he did. - Yes, I agree with that."
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"It's still very much shitty, what you did, Bret."
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"Okay, because to abandon someone like that"
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"really sucks, man. It hurts."
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"At least I didn't kill a monkey."
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"Dawg."
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"- Okay, this is gonna work. - Hey."
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"He's really sorry."
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"Brought you a cup of tea, man."
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"- No, thank you, Bret. - Please grab it, it's hot."
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"- It's hot. - Deal with it yourself."
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"That's what I've learned to do the hard way."
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"Oh, ow ow ow... oh, fuck! Ow."
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"Ow ow! Ah ah!"
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"I guess we're even then."
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"Jemaine, I made you some pizza."
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"I'm not hungry!"
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"Hey, man, I met you the other day when you mugged me."
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"Umm, the bike and the camera phone that you're talking to me..."
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"Yeah yeah. The one that ran away."
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"Yeah. Look, I'm wondering if there's a chance"
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"I could get the phone back."
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"Hey, Jemaine, I'll see you later, maybe."
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"Bye, Bret."
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"If I live, that is, 'cause I might get killed."
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"Okay, let me know how that goes. C-10."
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"Hit."
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"Yes. What, sorry?"
Flight of the Conchords
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