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Clips from The Tender Bar

"Change a tire, jump a car, take care of your mother, don't drink your stashies."
The Tender Bar
"Oh, one more thing-- very important."
The Tender Bar
"Never under any circumstances hit a woman,"
The Tender Bar
"even if she stabs you with scissors."
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"Got it."
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"That's it. Male sciences. Right."
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"Can people read those books?"
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"Can they read..."
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"What are you, soft?"
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"No, I mean, can I read them?"
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"What's the name of this place?"
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"The Dickens."
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"That's right."
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"Charles Dickens. You know who that is?"
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"-The owner? -(chuckles)"
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"Yes, you can read 'em. You can read as many as you like."
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"Take 'em in the poker room. Read 'em all."
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"Fill yourself up."
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"And you know what might happen?"
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"If you read enough books, maybe, if you're lucky,"
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"you could become a writer."
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"And that was it."
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"From that moment on, I wanted to be a writer."
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"(jingle playing over radio)"
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"GRANDPA (singing along):"
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"Apricots."
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"-(passes gas) -Ah. I didn't do that."
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"Your grandfather has a photographic memory."
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"He knows Greek and Latin."
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"But here is this-- the furniture is held together with duct tape,"
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"and he's doing this-- he's farting and saying he didn't do it,"
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"saying "apricots" for no reason."
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"That's what he did with going to college."
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"And yet you all end up back here."
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"You are a stingy, crazy, old bastard."
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"You are not stingy with money."
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"Haven't got any."
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"-You are stingy with love. -(passes gas)"
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"I didn't do that."
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"Girls become wives and mothers. That was his point of view."
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"-You became one of them. -Oh, shut up, you old turd!"
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"-(scoffs) -Because he is stingy"
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"with love and understanding, that is why I have no education,"
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"and that is why you--"
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"I swear to God, I have no idea how--"
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"you are going to Harvard or Yale."
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"-(passes gas) -I didn't do that."
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"You are going to Harvard or Yale."
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"Make up for your disappointments?"
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"-Harvard or Yale. -This from a woman"
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"who earns 30 bucks a day."
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"And after college-- at Harvard or Yale!--"
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"you are going to law school."
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"So you can sue your father for child support."
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"No, so he can help you with your fines about the septic tank."
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"(passes gas)"
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"(engine shuts off)"
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"(door opens)"
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"(door closes)"
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"Fregosi is the hitter facing the right-hander Jenkins."
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"Infield playing in."
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"Here comes the pitch."
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"Fastball is in there for a strike, and it's two and two."
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"(chuckles, mutters) What the fuck is this?"
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"Hey, Charlie. How's it hanging?"
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"Still got the clap, asshole?"
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"You know I got it from your sister."
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"-Where's my 30 bucks? -It's up my ass. Come get it."
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"JR, say hi to your father."
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"Jenkins sets, looks in and delivers."
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"-Swing and a miss! Strike three. -(car door closes)"
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"-And away we go. -(engine starts)"
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"("A Long Time Ago" by Jim Croce playing)"
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"You like living at your grandfather's house?"
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"Yeah."
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"I mean... no."
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"Yes or no?"
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"I mean, I like it, but Mom doesn't."
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"Well, I think your grandfather is a good man."
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"Marches to his own drummer, but that's what I like about him."
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"Mom says he might have lost his mind."
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"Well, there's that, too. Sometimes your own drummer is a bad idea."
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"It makes Mom sad having to keep going to Grandpa's house."
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"She blame me?"
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"See, the thing about women..."
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"Sometimes they don't think about the cause and effect of things."
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"They want freedom,"
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"but then they blame you for dispensing it once they get it."
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"At least that's my experience."
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"One swinging dick to another. I'll give you that one."
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"Hey, your mom tells me you listen to your old man on the radio a lot."
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"She says I listen too much or try to find you."
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"-You change stations a lot. -(chuckles)"
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"That's the management."
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"You want to be a disc jockey when you grow up?"
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"-I'm gonna be a lawyer. -Jesus. Why?"
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"Mom wants me to."
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"Talk a lot of shit and believe anything."
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"All right."
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"Good to see you, young man."
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"-I got a barbecue meeting with a sponsor. -(music stops)"
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"-Can I come? -Nope."
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"Tell your mother not to spend that all in one place."
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"As for you, keep listening to the radio."
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"See you soon, Junior."
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"A doctor at school says I have no identity."
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"Jesus. (laughs)"
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"Get one."
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"I'll see you on the flip side."
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"See ya."
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"Hey, asshole."
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"Good day with the kid?"
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"Fuck you, Charlie."
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"Give me my 30 bucks or get the fuck out of the car."
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"Hey, don't be a fucking... You know what?"
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"Don't be trying to be a fucking tough guy, all right?"
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"(grunts)"
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"Why'd you marry him?"
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"I was young."
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"I was dumb."
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