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Clips from Silicon Valley - Signaling Risk (S01E01)

"- Richard... - Oh, my God."
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"I didn't turn down ten million dollars"
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"because of Peter Gregory, Monica!"
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"I turned it down because of you!"
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"However angry he is, I am one-tenth as angry."
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"Because one of the ten million would've been mine."
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"- Because I... I own ten percent. - I know."
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"- Of Pied Piper... - I know!"
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"It's push."
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"We didn't think we were going to get this thing done"
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"when we had five months to do it. Now we have two?"
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"Granted, it's not ideal, but we're just gonna have to..."
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"What the good fuck?"
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"What is happening? Is that Dinesh?"
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"Is that the Statue of Liberty?"
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"And it's... There's penetration."
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"Oh! Hey, neighbor."
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"- Ashley's getting big! - Aw."
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"She looks... What do we do?"
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"I don't know. Paint over it."
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"No, no, no. You can't paint over it."
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"It's like the code of the streets."
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"People get shot behind that."
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"- Oh, good. - Hey. So what do you guys think, man?"
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"Uhh... I think Erlich had a few thoughts."
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"So, I gotta... I'll let you..."
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"Uhh..."
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"Here's the headline:"
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"there's a lot right with it."
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"A lot of good stuff in there."
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"But I just..."
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"Do you think the piece is working?"
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"I mean... Maybe it's a bit too graphic for the space?"
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"No way. Look at it."
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"It comments on the Latino struggle for justice in America."
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"But even without all the symbolism,"
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"it's just aesthetically pleasing."
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"Yeah."
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"All right, here's the real shit, Chuy."
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"Uh, you know, our prize coder,"
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"he's actually not... Latino."
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"What?"
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"Yeah. Point of fact is, he's Pakistani."
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"Homes, you lied to me."
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"No, no, no. You thought he was Latino,"
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"and I thought I would be racist telling you, you were wrong."
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"Come on, man. Why would you think that?"
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"Thinking that, now that's racist."
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"God, I can't win... with that."
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"Look, Chuy, painting a guy named Dinesh Chugtai"
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"as an Aztec warrior just doesn't make sense."
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"Yeah. You know what?"
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"I think you might be right, boss."
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"Great. That's..."
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"So... Perfect. So change that"
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"and then don't have him be fucking"
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"the literal symbol of freedom."
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"And then, whatever else you wanna do."
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"- All right. - All right."
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"If I had known, we could have withdrawn your application before any of this happened."
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"This is exactly why we need to have clearer lines of communication."
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"I know, Jared, I know."
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"Listen, I'd like to institute"
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"an organizational system called scrum."
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"Scrum is designed to..."
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"All right, you have one hour! Go!"
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"No."
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"No. Just musty."
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"Uhh, what's going on?"
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"Gilfoyle bet me a hundred bucks"
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"that if I touched one object in this room,"
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"he could find it just by sniffing."
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"OK. Not now, please."
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"It has to be now. I just masturbated to heighten my focus."
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"I have a fifteen-minute refractory period."
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"- Ow. - Uhh, well, we have a lot of work to get done"
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"- So maybe we should do that instead, please. - Dude, relax, OK?"
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"We each ripped through a full module this morning."
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"We're just taking a little break."
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"DRM is now a thing of beauty."
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"Wait. You did DRM?"
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"- Yeah. - I did DRM."
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"Why did you do DRM? I said I would do DRM, you would do error handling."
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"Anything to do with error sounds like your whole vibe."
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"- Yeah, I handle errors like you every day. - Scrum?"
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"- Yes, scrum. - Scrum."
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"So from rules based filtering we got to workflow,"
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"at which point that card is moved from the icebox"
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"into the in progress column and it stays there"
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"until it is ready for testing."
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"OK. This increases visibility into our team's progress."
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"And that, gentlemen, is scrum."
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"Welcome to the next eight weeks of our lives."
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"This just became a job."
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"OK, so here are the cards"
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"I'm adding under this epic for the ingestion engine."
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"And there are three stories here."
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"How long do we think each one will take?"
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"I don't know. Who cares? Four hours apiece?"
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"Yeah. Maybe for you."
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"Each of those tasks would take me three max."
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"Not tasks, stories."
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"I've got a story, why don't you choke on my balls?"
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"Well, how about this?"
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"Why don't you each take one story, right..."
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"and we'll see who's right?"
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"You see what he's doing, right?"
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"He's trying to get us to compete so we work faster."
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"He thinks this wall of Psych 101, MBA mind-control bullshit"
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"is going to motivate us?"
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"Fine. Don't compete. Do them at whatever speed you like."
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"Uh, Jared."
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"Uh... I know these guys."
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"I really don't think scrum is gonna work for them."
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"Whoa... Just trust in the system."
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"So we're just going to work at a nice, leisurely pace, right?"
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"Sure."
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"Wait, why are you typing faster?"
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"I'm not."
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"Maybe my leisurely pace is just a little faster than yours."
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